Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Rocket Car

This is my fav waitress at the Bombay Bicycle Club ... ain't she beautiful???

She probably is not happy with me because I forgot to leave her a tip today at noon .... but I will make it up tomorrow.

We were laughing because one of her friends actually tried ear candling. Set her beautiful hair on fire. So naturally, I suggest butt candling in the future.

But I was telling her about the funniest story on the net. The story of the Rocket Car. We all remember the cartoon of the roadrunner speeding down the highway with wily cyote in close persuit? Remember the legend of how the same thing happened to teens out in California/Arizona who strapped a rocket to a car an did the same thing? 90 degree turn, long skid marks, and a smoking wreck against the cliff.

Well, the story may have an element of truth. Read the saga here. Long, but gets funnier and funnier as the story goes along.

Doesn't bother me at all that it was a Biology teacher that did it.


We all know of the marvelous scientific advance known as ear candling. Now a more important advance in medicine can be found HERE ...


Make a perfect wedding gift, for all ages, a great housewarming present, and something you can show to you hubby's boss the next time you have to entertain the bastard and his obnoxious wife for an hour or two at dinner to suck up.

ButtCandles™ are an exciting, and time honored, device for internal cleansing. We encourage you to peruse our site, read the referenced medical literature, and then make an informed decision as to whether you want to purchase our high-quality sanitary products. We stand behind all of our products and offer a 100% money back guarantee for all unused/unspoilt product.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Springfield Bloggers

Andy, smelling his palm ... no, I don't really want to know why; Zack, looking for the money to pay his tab in the place his girlfriend left it; Fat Jack, who needs to buy one of Trafficant's old rugs off e-Bay; and Keith, local Libertarian anarchist, giving your lovable photog the evil eye.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Lucky Bastard !!!

Pope Rat I A Moral Failure

The Moral Failure of the German Pope

Ynetnews, May 29, 2006,7340,L-3256313,00.html

Pope Benedict XVI's visit to Auschwitz was a historical, human and moral failure. He arrived in a black, armored, German car, gave an objectionable speech filled with smooth words like "reconciliation" and "understanding," prayed to Jesus, failed to ask forgiveness for the crimes committed by his people, and got back in his black, armored, German car and drove back to Rome.

The visit was extraneous, annoying and infuriating. The German pope failed to do the most basic thing he should have done at Auschwitz: He failed to kneel next to the ovens, look to the blue skies of the Auschwitz afternoon and ask forgiveness for the murder of six million Jews, in the name of German or the German Catholic church.What was the message?Benedict XVI may have said repeatedly that he "couldn't have stayed away from Auschwitz," but why, exactly?

Was it to tell us Jews, and the Poles as well, that the good German people were really held hostage by the Nazi gang? This message is historically incorrect and ethically invalid.Even the pope's remarks about Jews contained deeply disturbing messages. Did Hitler really want to destroy the Jews in order to completely do away with the roots of Christianity, as the pope said? It is doubtful that this can be proven.

The pope dramatically asked: Where was God in this godforsaken place? But in doing so, he ignored the truly important question: Where were people? How could the German nation have allowed themselves to develop such an intense hatred for the Jewish people and for other nations? God may have remained silent, but the Germans were the ones who murdered all those people.Moving past forgivenessNot that we Jews, the remnants of those destroyed communities, still need German apologies. That was done in 1953, when the chancellor of the "new Germany", Konrad Adenhauer, offered such an apology to Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion. The theme of atonement has been repeated in the statements of many German public figures, and the decisions of many official German institutions.

From our perspective, it's enough. The German pope's apology at Auschwitz, over the graves of a million murdered Jews, should have had a different purpose: To warn against renewed anti-Semitism, and to atone for the sins of the German Catholic church, which in the best-case scenario was silent in the face of the Nazis, and in the more probable one – collaborated with them.

Politically correct

It is no coincidence that two-thirds of Germans expected "their" pope to seek forgiveness at Auschwitz, according to a public opinion poll released over the weekend. They understood the importance of such an apology better than the Holy See.It wasn't just that Benedict XVI failed to ask forgiveness for the Holocaust. His entire visit there left me with a bad feeling.

The pope made sure to maintain an unnecessary, fictional balance comparing victims of other peoples and nations.When the communists wanted to minimize the slaughter of Jews at Auschwitz, they spread lies that four million people were killed there. The pope may not have repeated this lie, but took care to emphasize again and again the multi-ethnic makeup of the victims.Linguistically, this is true. Factually, it is a lie: the fate of Jews at Auschwitz was not the same as other peoples. And who, more than the pope, should have known this. And he does know it. But he wanted to be - at Auschwitz, of all places - politically correct.

Negative comparison

Benedict XVI mentioned another papal visit to Auschwitz, that of his predecessor John Paul II in 1979. But what a difference between the two visits! Polish pope Wojtyla came to Auschwitz and Birkenau as a "humble pilgrim," as he put it. He prayed silently, spoke up for his "Jewish older brother," and set off on an historic journey for reconciliation between the Christian church and Judaism. That journey reached a high-point when John Paul visited Israel in 2000.Yes, times have indeed changed. It's true, pope Ratzinger, Benedict XVI, did not visit Auschwitz as part of the March of the Living. He is not the chief rabbi of Israel. He is the head of the Catholic Church, and Jesus is his God.But especially in light of his lofty position, he is also a spiritual guide for a billion Catholics worldwide.

And what did his visit to Auschwitz tell them? He forgot anti-Semitism, forgot anti-Jewish hatred, forgot the sins of his church and his people and made due with a general denunciation of hatred.Apparently, this is how he solved his temporary problem.

The Indy 500

After suffering through ten years of the George family trying to screw up open wheel racing in the US, mediocre cars, mediocre drivers, and mediocre interest this year's race was a winner.

Sam Hornish won by 0.06 seconds over Marco Andretti. And what amazed me is that Andretti could have won the race by blocking Hornish at the last moment and declined to do it because it would have been a risky move. He is 19 years old.

Marco's father, Michael Andretti was third. But no one remembers a 2/3 finish at Indy, only the winner. Three generations of drivers, Mario, Michael, and now Marco -- 49 Indy starts -- and only one win -- by Mario in 1969.

But Marco has it in his blood and prooved he can do it ... watch him in the future.

If Michael was the sentimental favorite in the race, the love of every male, Danica Patrick, is the hands-down fav for a date. She finished 8th (finished fourth last year after leading with ten laps to go), and her disappointment was painfully obvious in the sound of her voice and the look on her face. One of these days she will win ... watch.

It was an excellent show. Thank goodness. If it had fallen flat it might be the end of open wheel racing in America.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Good Idea by ABC

I am a fan of auto racing. More accurately, I am a fan of speed. And nothing means speed any more than the Indy 500.

I am rooting for Danica Patrick again this year. She is beautiful, committed and talented.

But I like what ABC is doing. They are playing commercials on one side of the screen and playing the race on the other ... so you don't miss anything.

Bright idea ABC ... Two thumbs up for you ...

Worst Themepark in the World

Do you think Dogpatch USA was the dumbest, most stupid idea ever conned off on mankind by crooks/developers/realestate salesmen?

Wrongo, Bubula ...

Go HERE ... to see what the next big attraction in Branson will be.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Sell your stock in U-Haul

A friend sent me the following story. It is both funny, and sad because it is sooooo typical of how business treats customers nowadays. The answer of course, it to spread the story far and wide and see if you can't hit them where it really hurts....

Went to pick up a U-haul yesterday to move my stuff from GA to VA and it was an absolute nightmare. Guy hands me keys to the truck and says my equipment is in the back of it. I go to the truck and it won’t start. Plus the equipment on the truck is the wrong equipment. I walk back to the shop and they’re gone. They left for the day without making sure that I was able to get off of the lot. I call U-Haul and after a long hold period get a rep:

Rep: Did you break down somewhere?
Me: No, I was never able to start it to begin with.
Rep: Will the truck start?
Me: No I could never get it started
Rep: Where is the truck now?
Me: It never started so it is still in the U-Haul parking lot.
Rep: Is the truck in a secure location?
Me: It’s in the U-Haul parking lot.

He can’t help me and needs to transfer me to the roadside assistance dept. After holding for a while a guy picks up:
Rep: Did you break down somewhere?
Me: No, I was never able to start it to begin with.
Rep: Will the truck start?
Me: No I could never get it started
Rep: Where is the truck now?
Me: It never started so it is still in the U-Haul parking lot.
Rep: Is the truck in a secure location?
Me: It’s in the U-Haul parking lot. They all must read off of the same sheet of questions b/c this is not the last time I’m asked the same questions.

He tells me to jump the motor. I tell him that I don’t have jumper cables and I’m in the middle of nowhere. He says to try jumping it and if that doesn’t work to call back then hangs up on me. I call U-Haul back and I’m put on hold for so long my cell phone battery goes dead. Drive down the street to a pay phone and call again. Put on hold for so long the pay phone times out my call. Drive home. 32.1 miles.

Call U-Haul and ask to speak to a supervisor. Put on hold. 8:23PM – some girl picks up but it is not a supervisor. He put me on hold for roadside assistance!! So I tell this girl the problem:
Rep: What’s the problem?
Me: I was picking up the truck that I reserved and I was given the truck key by the U-Haul guy and the truck wouldn’t start. Went to tell the guy but he left me stranded here.
Rep: Did you break down somewhere?
Me: No, I was never able to start it to begin with.
Rep: Will the truck start?
Me: No I could never get it started
Rep: Where is the truck now?
Me: It never started so it is still in the U-Haul parking lot.
Rep: Is the truck in a secure location?
Me: It’s in the U-Haul parking lot. She says she can’t help me and needs to transfer me to another dept.. Put on hold again. I hold 45 minutes and give up. Hang up.

My wife calls U-Haul on a separate line to try to speak to a supervisor. She is put on hold and waits for an hour and fifteen minutes before hanging up.

Wife calls U-haul again and asks to speak to a supervisor and the rep says no and hangs up on her.

I grab my jumper cables and figure I’ll drive down and try to jump the truck. 32.1 miles later I arrive. Pop the hood on the truck (24 footer) No battery. Can’t find it. It’s dark and I can’t see anything so I give up looking. Due to how awkward the parking lot was I couldn’t maneuver my car to point the light at the truck. Call U-Haul again and actually get through to a guy in roadside assistance. Conversation went something like this (very bizarre…again):

Rep: What’s the problem?
Me: I was picking up the truck that I reserved and I was given the truck key buy the U-Haul guy and the truck wouldn’t start. Went to tell the guy but he left me stranded here.
Rep: Did you break down somewhere?
Me: No, I was never able to start it to begin with.
Rep: Will the truck start?
Me: Uh, No I could never get it started
Rep: Where is the truck now?
Me: It never started so it is still in the U-Haul parking lot.
Rep: Is the truck in a secure location?
Me: It’s in the U-Haul parking lot.
Rep: You need to jump it.
Me: I can’t locate the battery, you need to tell me where it is or send someone out. (Here comes the best part)
Rep: Is the truck loaded?
Me: Is this a trick question
Rep: No, is the truck loaded.
Me: yes, I brought all of my stuff down here and put it in the truck.
Rep: So it is loaded?
Me: Are you kidding me? NO
Rep: Are you finished using the equipment?
Me: Do you think before asking these questions.
Rep: Are you finished using the equipment?Me: Let me make this as clear as I can. I was never able to start the truck when I came to pick it up so it is still on the lot, I have not used the truck or the equipment at all.
Rep: What is the address?
Me: I give him the address in Tucker, GA?
Rep: Are you north or south of 285?
Me: I have no idea.
Rep: Are you East or West of Stone Mountain?
Me: Can’t you just give the mechanic the address and let him mapquest it.
Rep: I need to know your location.
Me: You already do, I’m still in your parking lot.
Rep: What mile marker are you near?
Me: What are you talking about? I’m not near the interstate. Please just give the mechanic the address and my cell phone # and we will figure it out.

The mechanic shows up and jumps the truck. Turns out the headlights were left on. Oh and the battery was on the lower side of the truck between the gas tank and the front tire in a hidden compartment. 5 hours and fifteen minutes later I’m finally able to drive the truck off of the lot.

Thursday Morning I call U-Haul to get my equipment corrected. On hold for 35 minutes, at which time a girl answers the phone and give me the regional U-Haul office telephone # and tells me to call it. I call the regional office. Hold for 10 minutes:
Rep: How can I help you?
Me: Last night I picked (this is as far as I got)
Rep: please hold. 25 minutes go by and I hang up . I call back and it is answered immediately by the same person.
Rep: How can I help you?
Me: I was given the wrong equipment and need to get it corrected
Rep: please hold.

15 minutes go by

Rep: What is your confirmation #?
Me: My wife has the paperwork can you look it up by name?
Rep: Please hold.

10 minutes go by.

During this time my wife gets me the paperwork.
Rep: What is your confirmation #?
Me: xxxx-xx-xxx-xxxx
Rep: You can go to The U-Haul location XXX and get new equipment.
Me: is there anything closer than 40 miles away?
Rep: No

U-Haul sucks!

GOV Boy Runt Screws the Disabled Again

The offspring of Billy'sBoyToyRoy loins, the present GOV Matty, has done it again. This should help him go from third least popular GOV in America to second least popular.

Permanently disabled??? Got a doctors certificate that you gave to Department of Revenue years ago to get your handicapped placard (good for the rest of your life -HA)?

Well -- get on the phone and annoy your doc some more by having him fill out some more senseless paperwork.

Here is the word on high from Boy Runt, Titled: Official Procedure MV II-7.

Effective August 1, 2005, a physician's statement dated witghin 90 days of the date of the application must be presented when renewing a disabled person license plate/placard and every four years thereafter.

You can't take Photos Here

This is a photo of the rotunda of the Old Geene County, Missouri courthouse. I like these old WPA greco-roman public buildings. They have character, unlike most of the modern, read sterile, designs.

I had to pay the county some money. You would think they would thank me. Instead, a receptionist type yelled across the rotunda at me that taking pictures was forbidden. As you can see I ignored her.

Somone ought to inform secretaries about the rules of photography.

If it is a public place. I can take any damn photo I want to take and there is nothing any public employee can do about it.

And to think, I pay her salary for exercising her good judgement. What a waste of beer money.

Thursday, May 25, 2006


Kenny-boy, meet Da'Dukester.

Dukester, meet Jeff.

Everybody, give a big howdy, to Dennis.

Tom will be at the party tomorrow.

Roy can't make it until next week.

Wanna' Have Some More Fun???

VD(J), Springfield's talk radio whiner, said on this morning's program that his dream was to open a coffee bar, and name it "What A Bean".

Who can be the first to trademark this name ... I'll try to do it today...

It will be so much fun to watch him govel to buy the trademark from me. Call it bean squatting.

For a guy with no beans whatsoever, it is great to see him buy them by the bag.

VD (No Beans) Jericho .... HAHAHAHAHAH

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

SGF's VD Radio Whiner ...

Sho-sho bop, lama-lama ding-dong, radio freak VD is bragging that his xenophobic anti-Mesican rally brought out 400 people.

Yeah??? Really???

Freakychick1978 has posted some photos. See them HERE ...

VD's not too bright. He can't count. Or maybe he has 6 toes and counts in base 12. Probably has webs between them too.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Fuckin' the Minds of Telemarketers

Since I moved and now have a new phone number it took the telesales creeps about two days to start calling. And it is 90 days until I am back on the no-call list. So I have had to resort to some of my "screw the minds of telemarketers" games.

Just a few minutes ago Christine called wanting to sell me magazine subscriptions. I automatically know that I don't know them because my number is listed under a nickname, that only family and close friends know.

It all of a sudden occured to me. I told her that I was an FBI agent, no he wasn't at home because we were executing a search warrant at his house and we were really interested in talking to him ourselves.

I suggested that if she found him she might want to contact her local FBI office, but do not try to do anything herself as he is armed and considered very dangerous.

This is the best part: She asked me what he was wanted for? I told her - hot checks and credit card fraud - so if she did any business with him to make sure she got her money in cash.

Petition to deport Eneman

Eneman, real last name, Fleet, is an illegal immigrant worker.

We know that there are dirty jobs to be done in the world, and the proper ones to do those dirty jobs are aliens (the kind that don't travel a thousand light years to look up your ass, but very closely related.) Fleet formerly lived on a street in London named after him and decided that that part of London was so personally degrading that he felt it was necessary to stow away in the wheel well of a 747 and make it to Springfield, were he found a job cleaning the crap out of the KWTO studio after the Lawd's Day callers finish talking to Woot-Woot-Wooten.

(Local rumor has it that Eneman will be moving to KSGF, where he will try to loosen the anal retentive personality of a local radio person whose initials are confused with a social disease.)

I think we should expell Ememan. Let him go back to wherever he came from. Build a wall around the loo. Wear three thick layers of clothes, two belts, suspenders and a partridge in a pear tree.

Remember kiddies ... Eneman is not a sports drink ... no matter what the container looks like.

Monday, May 22, 2006

I Love KKKarl Rove Thongs

This one will warm your heart at the next Rave party.

For the t-shirt, supply your own boobs, or, those of a friend.

And if you need some more emoticons to liven up your email, check out the new selection HERE... emotiboobs.

Vince Shattenkirk

Local radio whiner Vince Shattenkirk ... hum, interesting name. No wonder he wants to change it .... but much better known by his fellow talk radio types as:

"... Vincent David John Jacob Jingle Himerschmit Shotenkirk Shimmy Shimmy Ko-ko Bop Ramma Lama Ding Dong Do Wah Diddy Diddy Gidyup Ooomp Pompa Oooomp Pompa Mow Mow Hiyo Silver Away Banana Fanna Fo Fanna Azuza Anehime Koo-ka-monga 2 all-beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onion Itsy Bittsy Tiny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Jericho has rechristened himself Mr. Ken."

Needs a new theme song for his daily "what a victim I am" show. I have found the perfect one for him. From the Sound of Music.

High on a hill was a lonely goatherd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Loud was the voice of the lonely goatherd
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

Folks in a town that was quite remote heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Lusty and clear from the goatherd's throat heard

A prince on the bridge of a castle moat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Men on a road with a load to tote heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

Men in the midst of a table d'hote heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
Men drinking beer with the foam afloat heard
Lay ee odl lay ee odl-oo

And so on, ad infinitum. It's hard to determine which is more nauseating; his theme song or the stuff he says inbetween playing it.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

An interesting memory

As I am listening to book-TV this morning, enjoying the brillance of Barac Obama, the humor of Amy ... well ... Amy whatshername... and Lynn Scherer recounting a shuttle launch, I was reminded of this story.

The wonderful Linda Ellerby started her career by working for CBS, I think. She was covering one of the earlier shuttle launches. The anchor in New York was probably Walter Cronkite.

The rumor is that the acoustic noise of a launch will actually kill birds flying nearby. So, Walter asked Linda, "Did the ground shake when it went off?"

She replied, "Yes, it did." And then, just to add emphasis to the spectacular photos she innocently added:

"And it rattled my diaphragm too."

Fifty million TV viewers keeled over laughing.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

The Snarling Marmot

With BLOOD all over her chin.

My Photos - New Camera

Duane at Minuta finally pushed me over the edge and I bought a Canon EOS-30. Not only that but I found a $40 adapter on the net for my old (and expensive) FD lenses. I bet Canon hates that.

The camera is wonderful. Check out "My Photos" to see some early ones. With the move and all I haven't had much time to get more.

Eat your heart out Zack.

Finally ...

Well, I am back in business. Except I don't have much idea of what's going on. The satellite won't be installed until tomorrow, radio news is so sucky I can't describe it, and at 56 K who wants to do anything on the net other than keep the SPAM level down in the mailbox.

There was a bloggers meeting on Tuesday, with new guest Tony Massanger the new editorial page editor. Bright guy, let's hope that his writing is as lively. All the rest of the expected gang was there and Andy at Rhetorica has a podcast up.

General Hayden tapped danced his way through the hearings. Someone has finally tipped him off that you actually need a warrant to spy on Americans. I will feel soooooo comfortable with him at the head of the CIA .... maybe not as comfortable as having John Poindexter in the job - but close.

City Council - ever vigilant to the whines of the fundies and bluenoses around town, have promised to find out where dem' damn kids are having fun --- and stamp it out. Hint, for about the 20th time they are going to fuck up downtown, don't buy a loft there. Maybe they should go back to the idea of an awning that covers the entire downtown area. And if it's not the chilluns, it's the dogs. Council must be embarrassed to look so much like a pit bull that it wants to ban them. All good citizen/dawgs have lifted a leg in their honor.

Chuckles Wooten is on hate radio in the morning and I can't find my mic to record him .... comm'on Granny or Ben, gim'me some help.

Took a few photos at the bloggers meeting. Here is one of the CHATTERismist-guy and his date hiding her face in embarrassment and shame, why I don't know, she is so much better looking. (I always thought he was older and uglier than that.... it must be the new camera.)

Thursday, May 18, 2006

A Short Note from the Critic

Not dead yet. Just moving and SBC has screwed up my DSL, and am using the much missed dial-up. The net sucks at 56K.

They promised to have it done tomorrow.


Like they promised to have it done today.

Like when I put the order in two weeks early to do it on Tuesday.

Like when they disconnected it at 5 AM on Monday.

Come to think of it Ma Bell/ATT/ large lying arrogant companies suck too.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Screw Civility

Sometines my critics complain that I am being uncivil to those I detest. People like Chuckles Wooten, or the pResident, or Billy'sBoyToyRoy.

Screw 'em

"Why arn't you just one of those litle pinko, fussy-headed liberals that will let all us right-wingers kick you and then ask us for more", they say. Why arn't you more like Biden or Lieberman?

Well I am the kind of liberal I hope they hate as much as I hate them for trying to destroy all that is good and progressive about our country. I am mean as a snake, I have a loud mouth, and I have a blog and I am not afraid to use it. I love nothing more than a good street brawl, so I saw to those who are terified of their own actions, in the words of their own hero: "Bring it on"

And, I am mad as hell.

But even I don't say it as forcefully or as well as this. Read the whole thing here.

What does all this mean? Treviño brings home a paycheck for helping to create conditions in which education is increasingly denied to the poor — a group whose ranks are swelling as “free-market” policies spread. He helps to make sure prescription drugs remain unaffordable to the aged or infirm. He works to make sure that people living near polluting industries stand a good chance of getting cancer, to facilitate the northward spread of tropical diseases. Look at Pacific Research’s climate policy: see the Ninth Ward of New Orleans, except far more widespread.

Treviño’s paycheck, in other words, comes with a body count. True, he doesn’t get his hands dirty. He does his work in a comfortable office, which is, in fact, just around the corner from mine. But he works to help kill people nonetheless.

"... it is not civil to discuss things quietly and collegially while people are dying because they can’t afford medicine. It is not civil to speak in even, chuckling sardonicism as one beleaguered wild place after another is paved for profit. It is not civil to calmly raise logical arguments against torture, against kidnapping, against using nuclear weapons on civilians to show our resolve."

Friday, May 12, 2006

A Moral Dilemma?

Maybe, if you are the world's biggest idiot, or Paul Summers -- but who could possibly tell the difference.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Some people would call this a "healing crystal". I would call it a pretty rock.

A quote from this site: One can focus their desires through this stone, visual images in the mind are transformed into universal messages. Sean at God is for Suckers! takes a look at really truly authentic absolute proof of aliens: Greetings! I travelled a thousand light-years to peer up your ass!.

Mysterious vibrations, warmth, and cool all in the rocks you carry in your pocket (females are outta' luck, they ain't got no rocks to carry).

Jingle 'em while you walk, fondle 'em while ya' talk. Good life, good health and here's to balancing your Yin and Yang.

May the Great Fung Sui Sauce be with you always.

And always remember the Flying Spaghetti Monster can always use donations.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Ayatolla Jed Sticks Knife in Cruella DeVille

And for once this Jed is not Mel Hancock.

"I just don't think she can win," Bush said at the Capitol in his strongest statement yet about his fellow Republican's struggling campaign.

Harris has been dogged by staff turnover and her acceptance of $32,000 in illegal campaign contributions from defense contractor Mitchell Wade, who pleaded guilty to bribing former U.S. Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham, (R-Gimme'aTopGunRoomie, if you know what I mean). Bush also noted that polls show Harris running about 30 points behind Nelson. "There's not a complicated reason," Bush said of his assessment that she can't beat Nelson. "It's just that's she's not gained any traction, and it seems that, unfortunately through no fault of her own perhaps, the press coverage is all about the problems in her campaign."

No fault of her own????

HAHAHAHAHAHA .. .the GOV has been into Nichole's pill stash again.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Chuckles on Stink-Radio

Chuckles Wooten (R-LetterLoser) is infatuated with the Kennedy family. He would love to grope Teddy or any other member, including Bobby -today.

As part of his love affair he mentions them often. You can listen to a clip of it HERE.

Interesting that he has not said a single word about the following people:

Scoot-Scoot Libby

Jack Abramoff

The Pigman


Porter Goss

Jeff (R-MeLoveYouLongtimeMarineStud) Gannon

Da'Dukester Cunningham

Gov Ryan

Bad Hair Traffic-man

Come to think of it, he never even mentions Dubya anymore.

Curious, eh?

Medicine and Woo-Woo'ism

The following is reproduced from my personal page from years ago. It is still topical, particularly since I am listening to Art Bell's old radio program, Coast to Coast and a quantum Physicist/Geologist/spitualist is talking thru his ass about quantum mechanics. It partly new-age nonsense, partly postmodernism, partly eastern religion, mostly nonsensical garbage.

The Bastinado (go ahead - look it up) was an early attempt at what we now call a blog, except there were multiple authors and the writing was more lengthy.


Who, or perhaps what, is a woo-woo? Is it kin to the thought processes of the founder of this sad little on-line offering, The Ozarks Bastinado?? Naw. Most modern Libertarians are too goofy to be called woo-woo's. Like present Governor, and Minnesota laughing boy Jessie Ventura, an ex professional rassler who delivered his State of the State Address by standing a foot away from the camera and shouting, "And I am sick of putting up with this scum ... baby."

No, our beloved Editor-in Chief, (EIC), is on a string of losses that has been pretty much unbroken for this year. It started with a bet of a fine bottle of Scotch from a witty, astute and politically wise individual that the gun nutzos in Missouri would have their collective muzzles shoved up their collective extraction apparatus in the April vote by the citizens to allow carrying of concealed weapons. This measure, which put the National Rifle and Tim McVeigh Defense Society further in bankruptcy to the tune of $5 million bucks, failed thanks to the expenditure of $600,000 by the opponents.

Ever the sore loser, EIC claimed massive voter fraud in St. Louis County. An assertion for which there has never been an iota of evidence, save St. Louis County is comprised of (1) Middle Class to wealthy whites who are tired of seeing their kids gunned down at school; and (2) Niggers -- well, we know how they vote don't we?

My single malt scotch tasted so good I relented, and got the EIC a glass of water from the toilet.

Trying to outdo himself, the EIC stepped into National Politics with another bet. It went along these lines. Remember those whackos in the House of Representatives who tried to pull a coup d'etat by impeaching Bill Clinton? EIC allows how Clinton will be gone by June 1st. Learning smartly from his mistakes, a $35 bottle of Scotch was not on the line ... EIC vows to shave his legs and mow his lawn in a miniskirt. Watch future issues of the Bastinado for pictures.

The EIC should change his game from poker with the grownups to slap down. It's cheaper and less embarrassing.

The final blow to the prognostication skills of our EIC came over Kosovo. You see, our beloved EIC was a jarhead before becoming our resident anarchist. And everyone knows that the USMC tests its people by having a 250 pound drill sergeant drool in your face. Wonderful training for your future political judgment. After preaching doom and gloom for two months and then watching while Clinton mops up old Slobby and his political enemies at the same time, he comes up with how Clinton has violated world laws and ought to be hung (well, maybe he is hung already, but that's a subject for the future).

No bets on this one, but his mother asked him to stop calling.

But the EIC is not really the subject of this month's column; quackery; or its more accurate term in today's world, woo-woo-ism is. I don't know how the term woo-woo-ism got started but a suggestion has been made that it is the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves. Or it's a recurring sound in the old TV show, The Twilight Zone. Either way, it is used an an indicative of the really erie, the really weird, the really goof ball stuff. And in this respect, at this time, there is so much woo-woo-ism going around that the world seems like it's rejecting all accumulated knowledge in favor of the knowledge of Aristotle, Pope Urban, and Julius Caesar.

Listen to the advertising on radio, particularly the American talk radio stations, that run a lot of infomercials. A very high percentage of the revenue of these marginalized stations comes from advertisements and infomercials from chiropractors herbals, vitamins and organic foods, various diet gimicks and frauds, and occasionally potentially dangerous over the counter products sold as various remedies such as DHEA I am not sure why the advertisers go to this particular market other than there is something about the listening audience that attracts them, and it is one of the few outlets that will permit advertising of this nature, which is either highly misleading to a scientifically uneducated listenership, or borderline fraud, or out-and-out fraud.

For this column I'll stay away from the cancer cure clinics in Mexico. The new age religions and millinialism of such woo-woo promoters as Andrew Weil and Depac Chopra. I will even stay away from from some local nutsos like Clyde N. Shealy, a M. D. graduate of Duke University, (and advertises a Ph. D. -- actually from the Saybrooke Institute, a distance learning Jungian Transpersonal school -- but he doesn't argue if you happen to think that his Ph. D. was earned at Duke.) who once had a coworker, Carolyn Myss, tell a patient that the reason she was having headaches was that she was a pirate in a previous life, who --fascinatingly enough had been whacked over the noggin' with a sword -- hence, the present headaches. He would be a disgrace if he weren't so laughable.

Instead, I will try to give you some terms that you may hear that will immediately tell you ...

"This is a quack trying to sell me something!!!! Stay away!!!"

1. Wellness ... Obviously, the state opposite to sickness. Shockingly, even though you may feel healthy you will learn that you have no wellness. No one is well at the Spring Valley Foods Market except the vendor.

2. Frequencies ... The vendors at your local health food store (with a high school education) have a powerful understanding of Fourier Analysis. They decompose everything into frequencies. Lucky for you. You have only one frequency to harmonize. In another stroke of incredible luck your frequency is right around Middle C if you are a woman and right around the F below Middle C if you are a man --so chanting at your special frequency is really easy.

3. Teachings ... The important information passed down with uncanny preservation and secrecy for thousands of years until a really lucky white guy traveling in some faraway country stumbles onto some spiritual master who reveals it all. The Master disappears where the skeptics can't find him, but the white guy gets the teachings into paperback and appears on the Art Bell Radio show.

(The above three items were in a list written by Physicist Rohan Wynar, I can't find a web link to let you see the rest of this very funny article.)

It pains me to say so ... but the EIC and the American public that buys into quackery are a bunch of ignorant louts. Fortunately for politicians, insurance salesmen, used car dealers, and lawyers this is the normal state of affairs today.

In my 9th Grade Citizenship course I learned all the techniques of propaganda, or how to sell me something including post hoc, strawman, false delimma and undistributed middle. All these techniques are used by alt.medder's to try to peddle an idea that has an underpinning that is shakier than a man with palsy on top of the TransAmerica building in San Francisco during "the big one".

But that doesn't matter too much to the woo-woo alt.medder's. Evidence is not important. Nor is reasoning. Take homeopathy for example. The foundation for homeopathy and the peddling of the various "wares" rests on the delusions of one Samuel Hanemann (1755-1843). This master of woo-woo-ism came up with the idea that sick people should be treated with more of what makes them sick. Then they will get well. What you see in your local friendly health food store today is Hanemann's Theory of Dilutions.

Lets say you are allergic to compound "X". To prepare a homeopathic "ware" one would take compound "X" and put it in water or alcohol and start diluting it by factors of ten. In the first dilution 1/10 of the original substance would be left, in the second 1/100, in the third 1/1000 ... and so on. This would be recognizable to a mathematician as an exponential curve of dilutions. But the homeopaths don't stop with three or four or even 20 dilutions .... they dilute to a factor of ten 30, 40 or even 120 times. Now we know that in every mole (gram molecular weight) of any substance there are 6 times 1023 molecules. This means that in the final dilutions of these homeopathic wares not a single molecule of the substance is left. Not one. Just a small vial of water or small toddy (if alcohol). Yet this essence of nothingness has amazing curative powers ... plus it makes a bunch of profits for the vendor.

Congratulations, you have just been conned.

Remember, nothing is everything and nothing has marvelous properties unknown to science.

Be sure to look at

Where is the best place ot find a woo-woo? It's no further away than your web browser. The internet has the greatest collection of healthfraud, disinformation, lulu ideas ... and a haven for every paranoid schizophrenic that ever lived. Enter a search for any disease and what will you find? The first 100 sites will be woo-woo sites trying to peddle their wares, herbs, homeopathy, chiropractic, chelation and about a zillion others.

It's all magical thinking. Unlike the beautiful Melinda, First Lady of Magic, (she's the one on the right),who knows what real magic is like,'ers think that nature and medicine works by magic rather than fundamental rules of physiology, genetics, anatomy and chemistry. They throw around words like "paradigm" and "quantum" with wild abandon because they know that you don't have the slightest idea what they mean either, but they sure sound impressive.

If you want to believe this crap in the same fervent way that the EIC believes the Libertarian hogwash he writes about, fine. That's your right in America. But when you sell this stuff, or when you use the good graces of American willingness to let everyone have their say to perpetrate a fraud then it should cost you more than a $35 bottle of scotch .... about 5-10 years along with a hefty fine sounds about right to me

Friday, May 05, 2006


Porter Goss , the CIA director is resigning...

To spend more time with his family, of course...

Reason? He is involved in Da'Dukster Cunningham's poker and prostitutes party at .... the Watergate.

CIA flak is saying on some blogs that he hasn't been to the Watergate in years ... which is odd since he said only a few days ago that he had ....

Year in office to be shown to be a jerk? Only?? It took Simple Scotty three years.

What happened to the lie-detector test that the CIA loves so much??

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Can You Spot the Turkey??

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

A Fine Little Receipt

The Marmot, in her ever endearing way, has another blog - What a Crock. I like crockery myself ... but I have broken most of mine.

At any rate, she is a fan of grits ... I am a southerner from Texas ... but even Texicans are smart enough not to eat corn soaked in lye for a month or two.

I pointed out that her fav of grits and cheeze would hold a house together in the Ninth Ward of New Orleans during a Force V.

I have another name for grits.

Bowel obstruction.....

"Yes, mam, I'll have the ham and eggs, and an order of bowel obstruction on the side."

Monday, May 01, 2006

Talk Radio in SGF

There are all sorts of sad and sadder characters on Springfield's little talk radio stations, who if you combine all their arbitrons, barely reach the size of an audience of a Missouri State Volleybears game ... or the readers of this blog, fer christsake....

So along with Chuckles Wooten, Roy'sBoyToyBilly, you get Vincent David Jericho ( the CHATTERismist-guy points out that the only people who go by three names are presidental assassins and mass murderers). Real name - Vince Shattenkirk (Shatt first, get it?) - he claims that when he immigrated he changed his name. I understand that. I hated my parents when I was 15 too... I just grew out of it.

He was renamed on the blog for radio DJ's, Missouri Radio Forums, as
"... Vincent David John Jacob Jingle Shotenkirk Shimmy Shimmy Ko-ko Bop Rama Lama Ding Dong Ooo-EE-OOO-AH-Ah Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang Jericho ..."

As of yesterday his name has been upgraded to his actual name on the green card to: ... "Vincent David John Jacob Jingle Himerschmit Shotenkirk Shimmy Shimmy Ko-ko Bop Ramma Lama Ding Dong Do Wah Diddy Diddy Gidyup Ooomp Pompa Oooomp Pompa Mow Mow Hiyo Silver Away Banana Fanna Fo Fanna Azuza Anehime Koo-ka-monga 2 all-beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onion Itsy Bittsy Tiny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Jericho has rechristened himself Mr. Ken. I guess he got very tired of posting under the names Tim Short, 8675309, Wild Card and Talk Radio Guy"

I find it amazing that any person in the world could be shaped like him ... where his shoulders are the narrowest part of his well-developed bod. It's almost as freaky as John Wayne and his tiny little feet. (If the old boys-tale is true, then calling him the Duke was wrong. It should have been - The Princess).

And plastic Pink Flamingos??? The only other place you see them around town is in those tacky Xmas Manger Scenes that the Jesoids put up around town.