Curbstone Critic

The Libertarian Party

2007-04-03T11:24:00.000-05:00

People who want to smoke dope and get laid.

Jesus Dies in Ice Storm

2007-04-03T10:28:00.000-05:00

Sadly -- now Jesus lies on the ground cut by a chain saw into about ten pieces.... Even more gruesome than the cross.... SGF fundamentalists must have watched the Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

Some More Spring Beauty

2007-04-03T04:39:00.000-05:00

Police Chief, Police Dog, Have Same Degree

2007-04-03T01:23:00.000-05:00

TIFFIN - The Fostoria Police Department may have the most educated police dog around.

Documents filed Monday in Seneca County Common Pleas Court show that John I. Rocko, aka Rocko the police dog, received a bachelor of science degree in criminal justice last year. Not only that, it's the same institution that police Chief John McGuire's resume said he received a degree from in 2002.

Attorney Gene Murray, in a motion on behalf of his client, Clifford Green, said he wants the dog to be subpoenaed into court as an exhibit for having received the same degree as Chief McGuire and "for giving one pause, if not paws, for concern of what it actually takes to achieve and be awarded the concordant degrees of the dog and John McGuire, both cum laude alumni of Concordia College and University."

Both Rocko and the police chief have degrees from Concordia, an online degree program in the Virgin Islands.

The dog got a higher grade in one class than the Chief.

Read it HERE ....

Gonzogate: The Smirk Panics

2007-04-02T05:07:00.000-05:00

Let's face it .. .Gonzo knows where a lot of bodies are buried ... like for instance the driving records of King George IV.

So, he is going to appear, under oath, in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee on April 15th.

This is not a date picked out of thin air -- it is a date he and the White House negotiated with the committee.

Well --- now that Gonzo is in boiling oil up to his lyin' teeth he wants to move the date up to next week. Fat chance.

Let the SOB twist in the wind for a couple of weeks and let the bad news, revelations of emails, testimony of the other rats leaving the sinking Bush ship, just build and build and become more and more embarrassing.

It's called "oversight" -- remember that stuff from the Clinton administration?

Springfield's Japanese Stroll Garden

2007-04-01T04:42:00.000-05:00

A Repost of an Old Column

2007-03-31T17:35:00.000-05:00

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

The Gerbil Chronicles

It was reported today in the Palm Beach News that a balding fat man showed up at the Emergency Room at Palm Beach Community hospital complaining of abdominal pain and requesting both oxycontin and vicodan for relief. The hospital declined to identify the patient, who arrived by limousine, and claimed to be a visitor to the area who was "just looking for a Denny's breakfast bar" when stricken by severe pain.

In a possibly related report, the Palm Beach Airport reported that at about the same time an unmarked G-4 corporate jet arrived and the occupants were whisked off in a black limo. The tracing of the tail numbers on the jet reveal it to be registered to a possibly ficticious entity called EIB. Antiterrorism agents of the FBI are investigating.

At the hospital, the patient was accompanied by a large black woman, wearing a flowered dress, shawl, and floppy wide-brimmed hat with fake fruit decorations who identified herself as Thomisina Clarence. With her was a stooped, balding, white man who only would identify himself as Chino Richards, and who sat in a corner and snarled at all small children who passed by him.

After an extensive examination four duct-tape wrapped gerbils were removed from the patient's rectum. The patient was released with instructions to, "be careful where he sat".

An hour later the patient reappeared at the emergency room, and you know what that means don't you?

Yep .... They missed a gerbil.

More Spring .. Less Chocolate B'Jesus

2007-03-31T05:07:00.000-05:00

I Don't Care if it Rains or Feezes ...

2007-03-30T11:47:00.000-05:00

More ... much more ... to be added to this one this afternoon after I collect the jokes going around.

It is certainly more tasteful, in several senses of that word, than Andres Serrano's Piss Christ. ... Elliot

What makes it so offensive to Donohue is that it depicts a black Jesus. .. Tristero

I don't see the problem here... Christianity is forever munching on bits of their Lord, including His body and blood, not to mention all of the symbolism of eating lamb at Easter. So now it's chocolate... big deal. ... Zadig

So Donahue shouldn't be worked up about the anatomical correctness, but I'm sure that's a huge part of it--especially since Chocolate Jesus has a considerable package. .. Molly

(HEH ... HEH ... HEH ... suppose Tony two-fingers is pissed off? Imagine Jesus with a bigger popsicle than him. Maybe we can pool our money together and buy VD(j) a candy cigar for Easterbunny Day.)

The chocolate is all wrong. The crucified Christ needs to be made from bread dough so that He can rise again on the third day. ... Peter

For laughs, check out the Catholic League's Annual Reports on Anti-Catholicism, which apparently involves any statement obliquely critical of the Church. The cartoons and anything involving Christopher Hitchens can be especially funny. ... Missionary Position

Do you pray to Allah?' one asked. I said yes. They said, '[Expletive] you. And [expletive] him.' One of them said, 'You are not getting out of here health[y], you are getting out of here handicapped. And he said to me, 'Are you married?' I said, 'Yes.' They said, 'If your wife saw you like this, she will be disappointed.' One of them said, 'But if I saw her now she would not be disappointed now because I would rape her.'" [...] "They ordered me to thank Jesus that I'm alive." [...] "I said to him, 'I believe in Allah.' So he said, 'But I believe in torture and I will torture you.' ... prisoner at Abu Garib

Bachelor Parties are not Like Purity Balls

2007-03-30T10:47:00.000-05:00

First, take a look at the photo, it's important to the story.

In Sweden it is a bit of a custom for the groom to be kidnapped and whisked off somewhere for his stag night, which usually lasts all day and all night rather than the typical American stag night where you all arrange it beforehand go out get drunk and hire a stripper.

The Swedes do it different.. The groom has no idea until he gets nabbed.. He might be dressed up in something crazy... and go do something funny...and then the fun starts!

This particular guy is a keen sailor and when he was kidnapped for his stag night they pasted a false "skippers-beard" on him and put him at the helm of a 60 foot yacht and let him be skipper for the day...

Much beer and fine food was consumed. But nothing... nasty happened to him at all... In the evening when they got back on land and were getting cleaned up for the night club... they all had a sauna as is customary in Sweden....

Imagine the grooms horror when he walked into the sauna where his naked buddies were waiting for him and then to notice that best mate number one had no pubic hair ...

neither did friend two ...
nor three ...
or four...

Now check out the false beard again...........

Spring ... Finally....

2007-03-30T04:33:00.000-05:00

I'm So Old...

2007-03-29T05:37:00.000-05:00

I remember when Dennis Miller was funny.

Little Georgie and Gonzogate

2007-03-28T16:19:00.000-05:00

Coming to a Race Near You

2007-03-28T02:07:00.000-05:00

Tony Snowflake's Cancer has Probably Spread to His Liver

2007-03-27T10:27:00.000-05:00

No comment yet from the Pigman, VD(j), or other real Xtians.

VD(j) as the Ultimate Chickenshit

2007-03-27T08:14:00.000-05:00

Oooooh... wait until I have time to edit the clips from this morning. He says Ernie the Troublemaker from Ozark has "popsicles". Ernie -- here's a hint. If you have ugly, skinny legs that taste like grapes -- see a chiropractor. (And ask Tony Two-Fingers for a date).

VD(j) says that he is the only one who is a "man" who will fight for what he believes. I about fell off the chair at this one since he ducked in the most chickenshitted way an offer from Mr. Mt. Vernon to show off HIS popsicles.

He also ducked all the posibilities to serve whatever country he might claim before, that got rid of him to someone else. Here's a hint to the asshat. The very guy I was named after, and his best friend, went to Canada in 1941 and joined the RAF. Only one came home, and he was never the same. You -- you villinous vile piece of human waste, could have come to America and joined up at any time -- since you ARE the World's Best American.

Shithead!!!

Crap!!!!

Green Beer is not Everything

2007-03-27T05:31:00.000-05:00

Are Apes More Moral Than Xtians?

2007-03-26T05:23:00.000-05:00

Sure sounds like it.

HERE ....

The Drug Addled Pigboy on Elisabeth Edwards

2007-03-25T07:31:00.000-05:00

What happens to your brain on drugs?

"What is their religion? I don't doubt they're religious people, but, we talked about this. Political people are different than you and I. And, you know, most people when told a family member's been diagnosed with the kind of cancer Elizabeth Edwards has, they turn to God. The Edwards turned to the campaign.Their religion is politics and the quest for the White House. And that's -- it's not just with them, I mean, it's part and parcel of political people -- undergo all this stuff, the media anal all over their private life being made public even by the candidates themselves -- it's all part of the drill.[...] If you're Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton, how do you now attack John Edwards? Not a problem for Hillary, the Clinton [inaudible] will find a way. But Barack, it's going to be a challenge. [...] What the Edwards campaign is going to do here is see what the reaction is within the ranks of Democrat [sic] voters -- as far as this announcement is concerned -- and then go on from there. If there is not a big jump, if this doesn't cause a breakout, if this doesn't cause a big uptick, then, at some point, Senator Edwards will probably have to suspend the campaign."

The Sad Truth of Our Iraq Fiasco

2007-03-24T05:55:00.000-05:00

America has NOT been in Iraq for five years.

America has been in Iraq for one year, five times.

No demands for sacrifice on the part of the military to keep fighting until it's over, one way or the other, no demands on the military to insist on it, or mutiny. And a weak and confused idealogical leadership in the White House. A useless waste of lives and treasure.

No demand on the American citizens to support war to it's fullest or get the hell out of it. But plenty of demands and obligations on our children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren.

A Note from buDDy

2007-03-23T11:39:00.000-05:00

You may recall my friend buDDY. A Ute-itarian half-breed who lives in a teepee behind the NPR studios in Santa Fe. Someone dragged an extension cord to him so he could send me an email.

buDDy's pal, Jim Terr, is the guy who drops by to give him some bear jerky and some salad fixin's that he finds in the bed of a rusty, broken-down 61 Chevey pick-up, isolated in the desert, packaged in gunny sacks, for his salads and vitamins.

Well Terr has scribbled another tune you can hear on You-Tube.

buDDy.... suppose that guy Terr has been finding some mushrooms out there that he is holding out on you?

A Funny from the BBC

2007-03-23T04:33:00.000-05:00

I listen to BBC world radio at night. The news is such a better quality and quantity than we get from the US media. There are things actually happening in the world outside the borders of our isolated little country.

But occasionally the BBC announcers will pull off an accidental funny. This morning they were reporting on the strangulation of the Pakistani cricket-the-mouseketeer coach. (Take note Barry Hinson!!!!)

The announcer said that the police were looking for at least one, or more, suspects.

Duh?

Since when did Inspector Cleauseau leave the Surete and join Scotland Yard?

Photos on Flickr - The Karate Cat

2007-03-23T03:59:00.000-05:00

In the sidebar you can find a link to "My Photos". This link takes you to flickr, where I have almost 3500 of my own photos up and there are over 18 million photos in all.

Flickr is a great site, brought to me by Zach (who is scary-talented for a teenager), where one can find any kind of photo, good to bad, innocent to porn, beautiful to ugly.

If you visit, get a screen name and start looking for photos you like. You can download high res versions of most of them. And if you find photographers that you particularly like you can follow what they post automatically.

Eighteen Minutes? Eighteen Days? B. F. D.

2007-03-21T23:24:00.000-05:00

Josh Marshall reports there is an 18-day gap -- first spotted by a commenter on the blog Talking Points Memo -- in the over 3,000 emails released by the Department of Justice pertaining to the attorney firing scandal.

The gap covers the days between November 15 and December 4, 2006. So far, only one email has been found dated within that 18 day period among those released in Monday night's document dump. The lone email, from November 29, 2006, was one forwarded by Justice official Michael Elston to a fellow staffer asking for an attached review document to be printed.

"The firing calls went out on December 7th. But the original plan was to start placing the calls on November 15th," notes Marshall. "So those eighteen days are pretty key ones."

Politico reporters Mike Allen and John Bresnahan also picked up on the gap. They surmise that the missing communication covers "a critical period, as the White House and Justice Department reviewed -- then approved -- which U.S. attorneys would be fired, while also developing a political and communications strategy for countering any fallout from the firings."

The gap, specifically because of its length, is an eerie reminder of the infamous eighteen-and-a-half minute gap in the Nixon tapes. As one blogger writes, "The Bush Administration is working overtime to make this attorney scandal look more and more like Watergate by the day."

Doug Burlison Endorses VD(j)

2007-03-21T07:21:00.000-05:00

Doug Burlison, a Libbyloonie who hates government, endorsed VD(j), who hates everybody, on Radio KTTS this morning.

Most sensible city leaders refuse to talk to the racist slob.

Burlison, who believes in no government is best government, is running for a government job as General Councilman in District C.

Exerpt from; God: The Failed Hypothesis

2007-03-21T03:59:00.000-05:00

"If the most important stories found in he Old and New Testaments are even remotely historic, then scientific evidence should exist for an escape of large numbers of Jews from Egypt in the thirteenth Century BCE and forty years of wandering in the desert. It does not. Physical evidence should exist for great battles as the Israelites captured the land of Canaan, after returning to Canaan. It does not. Physical evidence should exist for a Golden Age in a combined Kingdom of Israel and Judea around 1000 BCE and the Temple of Solomon. It does not.

"Historical evidence should also exist for the extraordinary events reported to have occurred around the time of Jesus' birth. It does not. Historical evidence for the extraordinary events events reported to have occurred at the time of Jesus' death. It does not. From the absence of evidence that should exist in the scientific and historical record, we can concluded, beyond a reasonable doubt, that these extraordinary events did not take place as the Bible describes.

"The Bible reads as an assembly of myths fashioned by ancient authors who had no idea of historical accuracy. Its description of the world reflects the scientific and historical knowledge of the age in which the manuscripts were composed.

"The information and insights contained in scriptures and other revelations look just as they can be expected to look if there is no God who revealed truths to humanity that were recorded in sacred texts."

What Henry Kissinger Told Jill St. John

2007-03-16T10:18:00.000-05:00

You don't think power is the ultimate aphrodisiac?

Wait until you see me nekkid.

Ignatius Reilly Plays VD(j) in the Movie

2007-03-16T08:13:00.000-05:00

In the wake of the Simpsons coming to Springfield, we have another subject of a film in our midst. Ignatius Reilly will play local radio loudmouth VD(j). Above is Ignatius or VD, on the cover of the screen play, and below is Ignatius or VD with Darleen, the star stripper at the Night of Joy stripclub who is trying to add some class to her act by training a cockatoo to pick off her clothes.

It is unknown if Courtney the poor long suffering kid who needs a paycheck, will play Myra Minkoff, the sexy little minx.

Ignatius is something of a modern Don Quixote — eccentric and creative, sometimes to the point of delusion.

He disdains modernity, particularly pop culture. The disdain becomes his obsession: he goes to movies in order to mock their inanity and express his outrage with the contemporary world's lack of "theology and geometry." He prefers the scholastic philosophy of the Middle Ages, especially that of Boethius. However he is also seen as enjoying many modern comforts and conveniences, and is given to claiming that the rednecks of rural Louisiana hate all modern technology which they associate with progress.

Throughout the novel, Ignatius exhibits what would today be considered symptoms of depression. He operates under the mindset that he does not belong in the world and that his numerous failings are the work of some higher power. He continually refers to the goddess Fortuna as having spun him downwards on her wheel of luck. This type of thought may be akin to the psychological idea of "external locus of control" in which the subject believes that he is more or less powerless to alter the circumstances of his life through his own actions.

Additionally, Ignatius shows the traits of an addictive personality in his inability to eat in moderation and regular bouts of chronic sexual self-fulfillment (he becomes sexually aroused by thoughts of his deceased dog and when he is lifted into the air by four black factory workers). His mockery of obscene images is portrayed as a defensive posture to hide their titillating effect on him.

In addition, he exhibits bizarre aversions, for example to Greyhound Scenicruiser buses, the bi-level coaches used by the company at the time for its longer routes. He speaks of the horror he feels even just knowing that they are hurtling about in the night.

As to Myrna:

Myrna "The Minx" is a Jewish beatnik from New York City whom Ignatius met while she was in college in New Orleans. Though their political, social, religious, and personal orientations could hardly be more different, Myrna and Ignatius fascinate one another. Repeated reference is made to the tag-team attack on the teachings of the professors Myrna and Ignatius engaged in during their college years. For most of the novel she is seen only in the regular correspondence which the two keep up since her return to New York, a correspondence heavily weighted with sexual analysis on the part of Myrna and contempt for her apparent sacrilegious activity by Ignatius. Officially, they both deplore everything the other stands for. Though probably neither of them would admit it, their correspondence indicates that, though separated by half a continent, many of their actions are taken with the intention of impressing the other.

Sounds just like the mornings on KTTS-AM radio.

The War on Terra' is Over

2007-03-15T14:31:00.000-05:00

We got 'im.

Of course we had to use a 1925 crank telephone to do it but he finally confessed .... Khalid Sheikh Mohammed ...

The mastermind behind 9-11?

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed

The guy behind the shoe bomber?

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed

The guy behind the 1993 WTC bomb?

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed
(I wonder if anyone has told the Blind Sheik that he's innocent -- hell it's just a local call)

Who is the father of Anna Nichole's baby???

Buzzzdt ... OUCH!!!! Oh, it was me ... me ... Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. And I am sooooo ashamed.

Were you Rev Ted's masseur?

Buzzzzdt ... OW!!! Stop it!!! Yes it was me Khalid Sheikh Mohammed

Did you redistrict Texas Khalid Sheikh Mohammed?

Buzzzdt .... Oh, gawd .. stop!!! Yes!!! I did it!!!

Did you control Monica Lewinski Khalid Sheikh Mohammed?

Buzzzdt .... OH YES??? Please don't do that again? I also run My Space.

Are you responsible for the three missing women Khalid Sheikh Mohammed?

Buzzzzdt ... Oh, yes, they are buried under the Burrell Center parking garage.

Let's give George and Alberto credit for ending terrorism. They caught the only terrorist in the world.

Who shot the deputy down?

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed

DaFuzz and My Space ...

2007-03-15T12:06:00.000-05:00

I actually signed up to My Space. Sadly, even though I filled out the questionaire honestly, they didn't like the photo of me that you can see on the right, so I don't see much action. I don't know why, I think it is one of my better ones.

But today I got an e-mail that "Stacie" had left me a message.

No. I haven't looked.

But it did occur to me that if 40 year old male copper cruises My Space looking for Mr. Bad cruising for dates, and gets hooked up with a 40 year old female copper who thinks she has found a girly that is out having some fun behind Mom's back .... and they set up a date to meet each other....

Who gets to arrest who?

Will there be gunplay involved between the competing SWAT Teams?

It could get ugly.

Pi Day

2007-03-15T04:29:00.000-05:00

I almost forgot. Yesterday was Pi Day (3/14). Actually Pi is 3.14159265358979323…) unless you are a Bible believer and think that the Bible provides you with truth about science, in which case Pi is equal to 3.0 exactly.

Fundamentalists may just be goofy people, but I don't want to sit under a balcony designed by one in a church.

Somehow or another ... gawd got another one wrong ... but look at it this way... an Intelligent Designer REALLY WOULD have made Pi equal to 3.0 exactly.

Come to think of it, I was awake at 1.41.59 ----

The miracle of faith ... or Art Bell's synchronicity?

NSFP: Not Safe for Prudes

2007-03-13T23:34:00.000-05:00

Read it HERE ...

I'm So Old I Remember ...

2007-03-13T20:50:00.000-05:00

When Bill Clinton was mobbed by friendly crowds when he traveled to South America.

A Review of God:The Failed Hypothesis

2007-03-13T10:19:00.000-05:00

See it HERE ...

In God, the Failed Hypothesis, Victor J. Stenger makes a comprehensive and almost overwhelmingly powerful case that if the sort of God most Jews, Christians, and Muslims believe in existed, the resulting physical consequences would be easily measurable by modern science. Those measurements have been performed, and in every field surveyed the existence of the classical God is flatly refuted. Stenger’s new book is a tour de force of scope, brevity, and rhetorical power. One after another he defeats each of the recently popular, seemingly scientific arguments that believers wield in frantic efforts to defend– let’s face it – their impossible and ungrounded belief systems.

All the News That's Not...

2007-03-13T04:53:00.000-05:00

Small newspapers actually have a personality. They report your grandma's 70th birthday. They report the festivities at the local American Legion Hall. They also actually report police blotter entries... and those are the best part.

A blogger collects them. Here are a couple you might enjoy from the same paper.

• 4:44 p.m. — A female caller said children were playing in the dumpsters at Wal-Mart.

Sounds more sanitary than going inside to shop.

• 5:01 p.m. — A Cadillac Lane caller said she found an ear in her bathtub. She was not sure how it got there.

Absolutely no comment

• 7:06 p.m. — A Mesa Vista High School employee reported that numerous Questa High School fans were getting out of hand during a basketball game. The referee was getting harassed and a player who was thrown out of the game was also being harassed. Deputies had to be rerouted to a domestic violence call.

At least the game wasn't played in Chicago.

• 8:59 p.m. — A State Road 68 caller said her sister was assaulting her. She kept jumping on her while she was in bed, the caller said.

Spice is nice, but incest is best.

• 7:06 p.m. — A Calle del Pajarito caller said a heavy-set blond woman has been yelling at people all day. People are beginning to throw rocks at her, the caller said. Police spotlighted the area but found no criminal activity.

I wonder if the Minutia-guy's Crazy Stick Lady has moved?

• 8:30 p.m. — A Calle del Pajarito woman said a man was soliciting sex and using his power. She said they were using the children in the housing area and are somehow involved with the mortuaries.

"using his power" .... heh, heh, heh....

• 9:09 p.m. — A Calle Loma caller said a woman was lying in the road and two males were attempting to pick her up. The caller said one of the males took off running and the other male is now dragging the woman down the street. Police found the man and woman and arrested the man on a prior warrant. The woman left with a friend.

Must not have been using their power.

Why Men Hate Women's Sports

2007-03-12T05:03:00.000-05:00

Drury vs Pittsburg State

And she is just a freshman ... so I have three more years of picture taking.

OK ... JackeM.... this convinces me that there IS a gawd.

Did'ja Ever Notice...

2007-03-11T07:24:00.000-05:00

That Rev Ted has a Dirty Pirate Hooker mouth too?

Thanks Des ...

Spoonbenders Beat God in Evidence-of-Existence Test

2007-03-10T01:36:00.000-06:00

As I was reading Randi's newsletter for this week I was struck at how much the Godly-bots differ from Uri Geller.

They can't come up with enough evidence for gawd to collect Randi's million dollar prize ... in fact they claim it's impossible to do so. And yet any decent spoon bender CAN come up with enough evidence to collect Randi's money.

See it HERE ...

Note to the Gawdly ... if you feel you can demonstrate gawd like this guy demonstrates spoon bending, leave a message in the comments section. Great rewards -- in this lifetime -- await you.

God: The Failed Hypothesis - A Review

2007-03-09T19:31:00.000-06:00

Read it HERE ...

Other arguments seemed, eventually, equally fail. The First Mover gambit was amusingly parodied by a friend's phrase: "If there's no God, who pulls up the next Kleenex?" One last-resort argument for the necessity of the divine was a real puzzler, though: Why is there Something, rather than Nothing? Who put the bang in the big bang? Veteran particle physicist Victor Stenger offers an answer to that deep question in his two new books, arguing a materialist, God-free account of the cosmos, equally antagonistic to superstition, the paranormal and religions archetypal and newfangled alike. He refuses to accept the polite accommodation urged by agnostic Stephen Jay Gould that science and religion can never be in conflict as they are non-overlapping "magisteria". Faith, for Gould, dealt with morals, science with testable fact.

This bid for mutual tolerance gained little traction in either camp. Evolutionary psychology pressed hard against the territorial prerogatives of religion, showing how traditional ethical codes had developed on the basis of templates selected -- for good and ill -- by a million years of human prehistory. But aren't the central dogmas of Christian civilisation, indeed of all the Abrahamic societies including Judaism and Islam, derived from the infallible word of God delivered in Scripture? Stenger offers a familiar corrective: the moral guidance of the Bible is confused and often reprehensible, supporting slavery and other atrocities. We interpret its words according to today's superior moral insight and sensitivity, so the interpretations given by Christians "must depend on ideals that they have already developed from some other source". Unlike some critics of faith, Stenger takes the tough line that deity is not just an unnecessary hypothesis or one where an honest thinker can choose to accept or reject it. No, it is "the failed hypothesis".

Will Scoot-Scoot Get a New Nickname in Jail?

2007-03-09T14:26:00.000-06:00

Yep.

"Short-eyes."

Wait 'til his new cellies get a read of Scootie Pie's porn novel, The Apprentice, wherein a child is chained in a cage and a bear, yes, you read correctly - A BEAR - rapes her repeatedly.

The purpose is to make the little girl an obedient child prostitute.

Charming children's tale, ain't it?

"Short-eyes" is the inside term for child molesters, and 'dem douche bags make the bestest abuse bags! Helps with anger management for respectable inmates.'

(Tip 'o the hat to bartcop.com )

Vote "NO" on the 9-1-1 Tax

2007-03-09T04:08:00.000-06:00

I am pained to have to put that headline up. Pained because the 9-1-1 emergency system is a vitally important component of public safety. But the City, and City Council have screwed up and the only way to get their attention is to hit them over the head with a two by four and deny them the money they say they want and need.

There is a city ordinance, that I have written about before, that makes calling the 9-1-1 system with a recorded message a misdemeanor criminal offense. What sort of idiot, you ask, would actually enforce such a stupid idea for an emergency medical call, say from a elderly lady with altzheimer's disease? Well, some mid-level city bureaucrat would - and does - and did to my mother no less.

When I asked City Council to remove this so that idiots like the Communication Center would not "do their duty" to actually enforce something so god-awful ... ah, they were just all sympathy and kindness. Actually, they stall a lot. They fooled me this time - I won't be so generous and trusting the next time.

They have referred it to a subcommittee - that hasn't met. Call that what it is - killing the idea.

The City Manager, whose own office doesn't even know that the Communications Center reports to him, is all PO'd at me because I call them idiots. Tough for Crumley -- it comes with the job -- I assume you are actually on the job, arn't you? Since we haven't heard from you since before the ice storm. You are about as visible in this City as Casper.

So, send City Hall a message. No more money for the 9-1-1 system until you quit threatening to haul little old ladies into court and fine them for using it.

Repuglie Party Adopts Satanic Symbol

2007-03-08T12:46:00.001-06:00

Above are two images. The first is taken from the website of the Re-ugly Party -- out of steam, out of power and out of morals. Notice that the American stars are upside down. This is actually a Satanic Symbol that speaks to the Xtain Domionists and Baptist Bible College.

Below is the "Goat of Mendes" ... a bathomet, worshiped by Anton LeVey, Tom DeLay, and Karl is a lousy lay.

Crazy Fundies Come Up with Another "Neat Idea"

2007-03-08T12:07:00.000-06:00

And who better to come up with the "neat idea" than Jenna?

Father-daughter "Purity Balls". I am somewhat as a loss as to what exactly she means. Is it that dad is having a ball balling his princess for purity? Or dad's balls are pure so I can go ahead and give the crowd a nip-slip before they serve the shooters and I become a sloppy drunk and fall on the floor?

Read about it HERE ....

The thought of VD(j) has crossed my mind .... except his daughters are reputedly smart.

One of the most memorable highlights of the ball is when the fathers stand in the middle of the ballroom and form a circle around their daughters standing all aglow in their lovely ball gowns. The fathers place their hands on their daughters, and together we pray for purity of mind, body, and soul for generations to come.

Heh, heh, heh ... did she actually say ""place their hands on their daughters."

Veteran of Hammeroids, VD(j)'s New Motto

2007-03-08T05:55:00.000-06:00

VD, who loves the troops, even though he was too chickenshit to actually serve as one in any country before they threw him out, has a new motto.

The Marines have Semper (Fi)delis, always faithful.

VD(j) has Semper I .... always concerned about ME!!!

CNN Gets One Right

2007-03-08T05:20:00.000-06:00

Breaking News from VD(j) and KTTS

2007-03-08T05:09:00.000-06:00

Libby as Spearcatcher - Succeeds

2007-03-07T09:43:00.000-06:00

Libby is going to jail. It remains to be seen if the judge will have the same balls as Judge Sirica did when he sentenced G. G. (R-whackjob) GeeI'maGman, or G-spot), Liddy to 40 years if he kept his mouth shut... odd how they are related by name, only two letters apart.

My guess is that 7 years in the pokey will do it. Libby the Lady will get tired of Andersonville after a couple of years and start singing like a canary to get parole ... then some of the walking-dead zombies, like Cheney and Rove will come before the bar and Hillary will be prez.

And oh, how sweet that will be.

And the really sad part of the story is that we don't know, and will probably never know, how many people who had contact with Valerie Plame and assisted the United States in our war against terrorism wound up in an alley with a bullet in the head, hundreds perhaps?

By the way -- has anyone thought of DNA testing VD(j) for Anna's baby?

VD(j) Went to BBC

2007-03-05T08:34:00.000-06:00

He's a rude, crude, lewd, nude, dude-prude.

He has a blood-feud with Mr Mt. Vernon.

It's now ensued that he has spewed dog food.

Listen to it HERE ...

Anna was in a porn flick?

WAY KEWL!! Where do I get a copy?

The Evils of Woman, from Baptist Bible College

2007-03-05T07:28:00.000-06:00

One thing Assama and the Phat Pfool Pfalwell share is their dislike for women. It's a common thing amongst the repugly fundamentalist types. Here is some more from the BBC Student Handbook.

All students are required to be in the dormitory not later than 10:30 PM, unless specifically excused by the dean. (Male students may be given oral permission in keeping with future evangelistic endeavors).

On Friday night, this time is extended to 11:00 PM.

Single members of the opposite sex ARE NOT to walk about the campus together, hold hands on campus, visit or sit together between classes or sit together during classes. [I guess this means I should not take any more nude photos of coeds reclining on the grass in front of the BBC sign in the middle of the night -- I was careful to do it after 10:30, when all the BBC girls were tucked into the dorm.]

Class Behavior: Be in your assigned seat and ready for work before the starting time for the class. Have your assignments, pen or pencil, and textbook ready when the professor [sic] arrives. Please stand as the professor [sic] enters the room and remain standing for a prayer, a song or a short devotion or whatever the professor [sic] may have in mind to start the class. (Multiple recitations of selected verses of the Song of Solomon are not allowed - SEE: males dating faculty)

In the cafeteria there are separate serving lines for men and women. Please observe them.

On "date night" and on Sunday noon, men and women may sit together in the cafeteria.

...pedal pushers are out of place.

Students must secure permission from their respective ayatolla ... er ...dean to accept an invitation to stay overnight in the home of a friend, to depart from the dormitory after hours or on weekends, to attend mixed parties, (also rave concerts), or to leave the city in company with the opposite sex.

Students are permitted to attend their respective church services within the city limits in company with the opposite sex (attendance will be taken), provided they return to the dormitories immediately following the services.

Gentlemen may be permitted to taxi the ladies to and from their places of employment in couples or in groups, provided both parties receive special permission from the Ayatolla .. er ... Dean. This permission is to be granted on the condition that the driver delivers his passengers or passenger at their places of employment without unnecessary stops, in a time limit needed to cover the distance in a normal driving time -- the same condition applies to the return trip.

(Hell, I can find enough loopholes in that Saria Law to get laid by the entire squad of Sugar Bears on the way to work).

Students marrying during the school year, including the [x]mas holidays, will forfeit their credits for that term and the privilege of entering the following term.

Keep in mind that BBC is a Christian institution. Not like the mudderassas others run to control people.

The Idiocy of Baptist Bible College

2007-03-03T06:40:00.000-06:00

BBC is another one of those lib'rul 'educational institutions who brainwash innocent young, stupid, uninformed and unquestioning, college students into a particular liberal, commie, pinko, political point of view. Not only that but they have to gall to actually demand money for doing it.

Remember that BBC is not accredited by any recognized agency to grant a degree that means anything. So, realizing that this was not a marketing plus for them ... they got together with two other ultra-revolutionary fellow traveler trade schools to accredit themselves.

A few years ago the original Curbstone Critic, Tom Ellis, gave me the Student Handbook for BBC. I am delighted to bring you some passages from it to demonstrate how they train future members of the IRA and Red Guards.

In the message from the Prez ... Rev. Doc Supreme Father Confessor Vick .. the students are warned:

"... if our students do not develop into [x]tian leaders, Baptist Bible College is of no use to them, and they are of no use to Baptist Bible College."

And of what use might they be to BBC? Hummm? As intellectual leaders in government? In academics? Most likely on talk radio.

Of course there are a lot of "DON'T"s in the Student Handbook ... a lot more than do's. Here are a couple:

DON'T practice gambling in any way, dancing, or attendance at theaters. [sic]

DON'T attend meetings of secret societies while in school.

DON'T have TV sets or "trashy" literature in your dormitory room.

I will leave it to the reader to make up his own jokes.

ATTENDANCE AT CHAPEL:

ALL students are REQUIRED to attend chapel at the designated hour each week. Any absences from chapel must be reported on the Practical Work Report with reasons for the absence stated on the back of the Work Report Sheet. Single men and single women sit in separate sections in Chapel.

Wait ... I have already used all my space and am only up to page 10 in the Student Handbook. The goodies on dating and personal conduct are yet to come. More later.

I'm Famous - Kneel Vassals and Kiss My... Elbow

2007-02-28T18:44:00.000-06:00

Word has just come in that Prof Vic Stenger's new book, God: The Failed Hypothesis, is on the NYT best seller list. I am pleased not only because it is a fine book but that he names me as one on his list that helps him write and edit his books, and he used one of my flower photos to demonstrate the fibonacci series.

Good going and congrats, Vic.

A preview of a Later Posting of the Idiot VD(j)

2007-02-27T06:46:00.000-06:00

Keep this quote in mind later on today after I edit some clips from the Village Idiot showing his knowledge of health, Public Health, and disease.

"Although young people who sign a virginity pledge delay the initiation of sexual activity, marry at younger ages and have fewer sexual partners, they are also less likely to use condoms and more likely to experiment with oral and anal sex, said the researchers from Yale and Columbia universities."

Oh, and BTW VD, your math skills need some work ... You say not using a condom is like Russian Roulette. And that using a condom is like putting two bullets in an eight cylinder revolver. Ah ... Vince ... you ignorant slut ... you just told me that using a condom is 33% more dangerous than not using one when it comes to disease prevention.

Of course, you are too dumb to figure this one out on your own, so you say that a doctor told you so ... that doc wouldn't be a naturopath by any chance, eh?

It's Alive, Master ... It's Alive

2007-02-26T21:55:00.000-06:00

Yep ... it's Fay Dunaway. Looking like the morning after collecting all those bullets in the front seat of a 35 Chevy.

One of my fav blogs GoFugYourself
makes this observation about her academy awards outfit.

She looks like a VERY formal toilet bowl brush.

The Unspeakable Vileness of Religious Law

2007-02-22T17:15:00.000-06:00

PZ has it nailed right HERE ....

Let's face modernity ... religion is an evil force in our world, We should get rid of them all.

Why is the NY Times Ho'ing ... Again

2007-02-22T11:32:00.000-06:00

We all recall the front pages of the New York Times and the stories by Judith Miller, who led us into the occupation of Iraq by quoting false information by unnamed sources.

Well, they are at it again. In a story about the threat from Iran, there were 25 sources cited in a front page story.

24 of them were unidentified ... so no one could possibly cross check the facts.

The NY Times is a whore when it comes to war.

Evolution is a Jewish Conspiracy ... yep, you read that one right.

2007-02-20T09:46:00.000-06:00

There are some Repugly religious conservatives that are even stupider than VD(j). I know it's hard to believe, but it is true.

Here are the words of Ben Bridges, a prehistoric congresscritter from ... Cleveland ... Cleveland as in Georgia, natch. A man who clearly exhibits the fact that human intelligence varies from downright stupid to insane in Congressional Republicans.

“Indisputable evidence — long hidden but now available to everyone — demonstrates conclusively that so-called ‘secular evolution science’ is the Big-Bang 15-billion-year alternate ‘creation scenario’ of the Pharisee Religion,” the memo says. “This scenario is derived concept-for-concept from Rabbinic writings in the mystic ‘holy book’ Kabbala dating back at least two millennia.”

It also directs readers to a Web site www.fixedearth.com, which includes model legislation that calls the Kabbala “a mystic, anti-Christ ‘holy book’ of the Pharisee Sect of Judaism.” The Web site also declares “the earth is not rotating … nor is it going around the sun.

That will come as a surprise to Copernicus, who has been dead for 400 years.

This collusion is raising the threat of adopting laws that would make it a “hate-crime” to say or write anything critical of the Jews...or even to pray in Jesus’ name in public places. This is the same type of “hate-crime” law that was passed shortly after the Jewish-dominated Communist government came to power in Russia almost ninety years ago...

Not only is organic evolution a conspiracy -- it is a conspiracy between those gawdless, raping, money-lending, christ-killing, Jews.

Charles Darwin as a liberal, athiest, Commie, pinko, jew. Who'd thunk it.

Some repugs are more related to that primordial slime than others. Sadly, John McCain may be one of them.

It's Fat Tuesday. Think of VD(j) and Sazaracs

2007-02-20T05:22:00.000-06:00

Photos copyright John Stone, 1984. See originals at http://www.flickr.com/photos/crazyeye/20233217/in/set-330551/

Listening to Art Bell, I Have a Question...

2007-02-18T03:30:00.000-06:00

Why is it that the aliens, UFOs, greys, greens and reptilians only are seen by, and contact the mentally disturbed? And the guys who are selling self-published books.

Prince Harry to Deploy to Iraq

2007-02-17T16:44:00.000-06:00

Jenna and Babs are unavailable for comment.

Hello Brit ... Daddy Here ...

2007-02-17T05:07:00.000-06:00

Brit, dahlin', Mom and I are getting worried about you.

We agreed that dumping that loser Fed-X was a good idea ... after all, did you see that performance at the Superbowl ... gawd, I would rather see one of Janet's saggy tits.

And we like our new grandbaby. We would have had great plans for her if Anna had only had a boy.

But lawdy, lawdy, lawdy...you gone done a Sinade O'Connor on us.Went from Goldilocks, to brunett to bald - just like Pops - all in a month. Think of all that money mom and I spent to coiff you in the very best for your ... er ... ahem ... talent ....and ah ... career. And doing the deed by yourself? Honey, you didn't hear a peep out of me when you started hanging around with that anorexic cat-woman, Paris, we didn't even complain when you flashed your well-worn pubes for the papperatzi guys ... we know -- "it's just business". But this!!!

And a new tattoo? Of red lips on your wrist? Are you sending one of those subtle and symbolic symbols that you found in William Blake's poetry that Paris is kissing your wrist ... or whatever?

Come home honey ... we will hide you in the basement until you get better.

We will even hire a full time nurse for you.

Tiffany Sutton

Invite Granny Geek to Lunch

2007-02-15T06:32:00.000-06:00

Turn on your speakers, and go HERE ....

Drumming for War with Iran

2007-02-13T15:16:00.000-06:00

Fool me once. Shame on you.

Fool me twice ...

Uh ...

Uh ....

Er ...

You can't fool me again!

Father of Little Anna Nichol Identified

2007-02-11T19:52:00.000-06:00

Thanks to advanced DNA technology the father of Anna's daughter has been positively identified.

Meet him HERE ...

Deep Thoughts from CNN

2007-02-09T08:27:00.000-06:00

Anna Nichole Smith is dead.

So is gawd.

(From Ashley at Pz's joint)

The Psychology of Dubya

2007-02-08T01:19:00.000-06:00

(From the DailyKos.com)

Bush's irrational consideration of a "surge" in the wake of the ISG report--which apparently defies all credible counsel--has begun to generate speculation regarding his sanity.

References to Bush's"delusions" have appeared in the MSM (notable on "Scarborough Country")and throughout the blogosphere. As a psychiatrist, I understandably get concerned when I see clinical terminology bandied about in political discourse, and thought it might be of interest to share my own perspective on this question. First of all, let me state up front that I probably hate Bush as much (or nearly so) as anybody here. I think he has done more damage to our country than Osama Bin Laden ever did, and probably is the manifestation of OBL's most wicked fantasies following 9/11. Frog marching him to the Hague (along with Cheney, natch) is too good for him. I think the guy is both stupid and evil, and I have no intention of cutting him any slack here. But in the political/clinical tradition of Dr. Bill Frist's school of diagnostics, I have a distinct clinical impression that I think explains most of his visible pathology.

First and foremost, George W. Bush has a Narcissistic PersonalityDisorder. What this means, mostly, is that he has rather desperate insecurities about himself, and compensates by constructing a grandiose self-image. Most of his relationships are either mirroring relationships--people who flatter him and reinforce his grandiosity --or idealized self-objects--people that he himself thinks a lot of, and hence, feels flattered by his association. Some likely perform both functions. Hence his weakness for sycophants like Harriet Miers, and powerful personalities like Dick Cheney. Even as a narcissist, Bush knows he isn't a great intellect, and compensates by dismissing the value of intellect altogether. Hence his disses of Gore's bookishness, and any other intellectual that isn't kissing his ass.

Bush knows that his greatest personal strength is projecting personal affability, and tries to utilize it even in the most inappropriate settings. That's why he gives impromptu backrubs to the German Chancellor in a diplomatic meeting--he's insecure intellectually, and tries to make everyone into a "buddy" so he can feel more secure. (Pathetic, isn't it?)

The most disturbing aspect about narcissists, however, is their pathological inability to empathize with others, with the exception of those who either mirror them, or whom they idealize. Hence Bush's horrifying insensitivity to the Katrina victims, his callous jokes when visiting grievously injured soldiers, and numerous other instances. The guy simply has no capacity to feel for others in that way.

When LBJ was losing Vietnam , he developed a haunted expression that anybody could recognize as indicative of underlying anguish. For all his faults, you just knew he was losing sleep over it. By the same token,we know just as well that Bush isn't losing any sleep over dead American soldiers, to say nothing of dead Iraqis. He didn't exhibit any sign of significant concern until his own political popularity was sliding--because THAT'S something he can definitely feel.

Which brings us to his recent "delusion". To be blunt, I don't see any indication that Bush has any sort of psychotic disorder whatsoever. The lapses in reality-testing that he exhibits are the sort that can be readily explained by his characterological insensitivity to the feelings and perceptions of others, due to his persistently self-centered frame of reference. By applying Occam's Razor to the question of what is psychologically driving Bush to endorse this "surge", I think it can be readily explained by his narcissism as follows: (Warning: Rampant speculation to follow!)

Bush knows that things aren't going his way in Iraq, and he knows that it is damaging him politically. He also sees that it is likely to get worse no matter what he does, and in fact it may be a lost cause. However, he recognizes that if he follows the recommendations of the ISG, that Iraq will almost certainly evolve into a puppet state of Iran , and given his treatment of Iran he will completely lose control of the situation--and he will be politically discredited for this outcome. The ONLY chance that he has to avoid this political disaster, and save his political skin, is to hope against hope for "victory" in Iraq. Advancing the "surge" idea offers Bush two political advantages over following the ISG recommendations. One is that if it is implemented, maybe, just maybe, he can pull out some sort of nominal "victory" out of the situation. The chances are exceedingly slim, granted, but slim is better to him than the alternative (none).

Alternately, if the "surge" is politically rejected, he gains some political cover, so when things inevitably go to shit, he can say "I told you so" and blame the "surrender monkeys" for the outcome. Most people probably won't buy it, but some (his core base) will.

Now, I know what many of you are thinking--is George Bush willing to risk the lives of hundreds, maybe thousands more American soldiers, on an outside chance to save his political skin, in a half-baked plan that even he knows probably won't work at all? Damn straight he is. Because George Bush is that narcissistic, that desperate, and yes, that sociopathic as well.

Anyway, that's MY two bits.Some more thoughts on this: Narcissistic Personality Disorder is frequently associated with alcoholism. The insufferable "holier than thou" attitude associated with "Dry Drunk Syndrome" is indicative of underlying narcissism. Also, the way that Bush embraces Christianity is characteristically narcissistic. Rather than incorporating the lessons of humility and empathy modeled by Jesus, Bush uses his Christian faith to reinforce his grandiosity. Jesus is his powerful ally, his idealized "buddy" who gives a rubber stamp to any cockamie invasion he thinks up.

Finally--and this will sound VERY familiar--NPDs are notoriously unableto say they're sorry. Admitting error is fundamentally incompatible with their precarious efforts to maintain their sense of "okayness". Any friend, partner, or family member that has this character flaw almost certainly has NPD.

Paul L. Minot, MD
Inpatient and outpatient general and adolescent psychiatry.
Maine General Medical Center, Seton Campus

Rev Ted Coming to Branson?

2007-02-07T06:32:00.000-06:00

Thanks to PZ and Pooflingers ....

Booger's Meet-up

2007-02-06T03:46:00.000-06:00

At the Patton Alley Pub at 7'ish. After the January washout thanks to holidays, no classes and ice storms ... there is a full keg of Double Chocolate and minds teeming with bad jokes.

Even VD(j) - shown above - says he can make it ....

Pissing contests are in order...

In Case You Think Rich People Are Smart

2007-02-04T17:24:00.000-06:00

I invite you to listen to Billy Joel singing the national anthem at the SuperBowl.

Molly on VD(j)

2007-02-03T12:30:00.000-06:00

Molly said that if dirt is dumb, VD(j) should cover about an acre.

Since the death of Roy Cohn, VD(j) seems to have lost his moral compass.

Bride of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

2007-02-03T01:02:00.000-06:00

PZ at Pharyngula will be proud. The FSM has finally found a mate. She is known as a Nullcephlemultipodia linda blair.

Also shown with the preacher at the wedding, Kent Hovind, aka, Dr. Dino.

Is Woofie A Slob?

2007-02-02T03:24:00.000-06:00

A Requime from Molly

2007-02-01T09:40:00.000-06:00

http://texasobserver.org/

And for me, it’s leaving time.

I have a grandly dramatic vision of myself stalking through the canyons
of the Big Apple in the rain and cold, dreaming about driving with the
soft night air of East Texas rushing on my face while Willie Nelson
sings softly on the radio, or about blasting through the Panhandle under
a fierce sun and pale blue sky….I’ll remember, I’ll remember…sunsets,
rivers, hills, plains, the Gulf, woods, a thousand beers in a thousand
joints, and sunshine and laughter. And people. Mostly I’ll remember people.

There is one thing, an important thing, I have to tell you before I go.
What I’m going to tell you is more than a fact. It is a Truth. I have
spent six years checking it out, and I know it to be true. The people
who subscribe to The Texas Observer are good people. In fact, you’re the
best people in this state. I don’t care if you think that’s pretentious
or sentimental—it’s just true.

If I got to naming you, I would never stop, so I won’t. But please
believe me that all of you whom I know and many of you whom I know only
by letter are in my mind as I write this—even if I do forget your names
half the time. Always excepting, of course, the turkey who sends me hate
mail after my annual gun-control editorial. Turkey, turkey, turkey.

I wanted to call this “The Long Goodbye” but Kaye won’t let me. She
wanted to call it “Ivins Indulges in Horrible Fit of Sentimentality.”

I love you. Good-bye my friends.

/The closing paragraphs of Molly’s goodbye column to Texas Observer
readers published June 18, 1976, as she left to join The New York Times./

Gawd Bless you gal ... you were one of those strong Texas women we love so much.

Iraq

2007-02-01T05:24:00.000-06:00

Desdovina, the Eternal Light?

2007-02-01T02:02:00.000-06:00

T-Shirts for Dubya

2007-01-30T15:13:00.000-06:00

1) (On an infant's shirt): Already smarter than Bush.
2) 1/20/09: End of an Error
3) That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
4) Let's Fix Democracy in This Country First
5) Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.
6) You Can't Be Pro-War And Pro-Life At The Same Time
7) If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President
8) Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
9) George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight
10) Impeachment: A Good Idea Whose Time Has Come
11)

America

: One Nation, Under Surveillance
12) They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It
13) Which God Do You Kill For?
14) Jail to the Chief
15) Who Would Jes us Torture?
16) No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade?
17) Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full Of Crap
18) Bad president! No Banana.
19) We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language
20) We're Making Enemies Faster Than We Can Kill Them
21) Rich Man's War, Poor Man's Blood
22) Is It

Vietnam

Yet?
23) Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either
24) Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?
25) You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
26) Impeach Cheney First
27) Dubya, Your Dad Shoulda Pulled Out, Too
28) When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46
29) The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century
30) 2004: Embarrassed, 2005: Horrified, 2006: Terrified

Debbie does Dallas: The Musical

2007-01-29T16:37:00.000-06:00

See if this "plot" sounds familiar: A big, busty blonde is driving late at night in her cherry red Ford Pinto down a lonely country road. She wears a tight white t-shirt that shows in overflowing excess her ... um ... well you know. Then out of nowhere a big, burly, hairy cop pulls her over and tells her she went through a red light. Which begs the question, are there red lights on country roads? But I digress. She has no money, so she says in a breathless, monotone voice that screams no acting talent whatsoever, "Gee Officer. I don't have any money to pay for the ticket. Is there anything I can do so that I don't go to jail?" And now we hear the '70s rock electric guitar twang - schkboom, schkboom-boom!

Read it HERE ....

Ambrose Got It Right

2007-01-28T21:24:00.000-06:00

I stood upon a hill, and lo,
The Godly multitudes walked to and fro,
Beneath,in Sabbath garments,
Fitly clad.
With pious mien, appropriately sad.

And while I sat gazing thoughtfully below,
There appeared a tall, spare, figure
In robes of white.
Whose eyes diffused a melancoly light.
"God keep you, stranger", I exclaimed,
You are, no doubt, (your habit shows it) from afar,
And yet I hope,
That you - like these good people
Are a Christian too.

"WHAT!" He exclaimed,
His manner with distain was spiced.
"I a Christian? No indeed.
I'm Christ."

Remains of VD(j) Found in Woods

2007-01-27T03:07:00.000-06:00

Considering the victim, authorities are certain of foul ... very foul ... play.

Has anyone notified KTTS yet?

Were There Tongues Involved?

2007-01-25T12:30:00.000-06:00

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) and the Smirk gettin' it on. Compared to these two, Monica was demure.

Finally, someone is going to give him a hummer so we can impeach him.

Some Jaw-Dropping Testimony from the Attorney General of the US

2007-01-25T04:21:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Attorney General Alberto Gonzales appeared before the Senate Judiciary Committee. For a change, he was under oath to tell the truth ... a little nicety that the Republican Senate had ignored for 6 years.

In his testimony he dropped the following bombshell that left both the committee, and the public gasping.

He stated that the Constitution of the United States does not guarantee the right of Habeus Corpus, however, it does prohibit the government from taking that right way from the citizens.

Remember, this is the same man who has been giving legal advice to the President on things such as detainees, rendition, torture, our obligations to various treaties, and whether the President has to obey the law of the land.

St. John, The Magnificent, Asscroft would be proud.

This is the logic that has typified this administration and the role of this imperial potentate, George II.

Just for a history note: the Right of Habeus Corpus was first guaranteed in the 13th Century by the Magna Carta. Never .... never ... in the 700 years since, has any civilized nation withdrawn that right and gotten by with it. Not even Abraham Lincoln, who was told by the Supreme Court that he could not do it during the Civil War without a specific authorization from Congress.

Read the entire story HERE ....

The Sign

2007-01-25T00:42:00.000-06:00

Photo by multi-talented local guy, Duane Keys. His blog is Minuta in the sidebar. Many of his fine photos can be seen HERE ....

This one is best appreciated by going to his flickr site, clicking on the photo and then looking at the largest size.

VD(j)'s Bonehead of the Day on KTTS

2007-01-24T09:04:00.000-06:00

VD(j) does a segment for a casino every day for some dumbeth act. Some are hits - some are misses. Today it was a laugh out loud funny.

Seems as though hillbilly Joe, the amateur electrician buys a generator for himself. Since his powerline from the house to the pole is broken, he hotwires the generator into the line going to the house and everything is great.

Everything except ...

His generator power is running through his meter. So .... he is going to get a bill from CU for his generator usage ...

Rule Number One: Never let a good-'ol-boy do any work that you want done right.

What's Wrong with This Picture?

2007-01-24T04:03:00.000-06:00

I am an A & P mechanic, not a baggage handler.

How CU is Failing the City

2007-01-23T05:30:00.000-06:00

As over 20,000 people in this city enter the 11th day without electrical power (and my mother is one), I want to ask CU a question.

There is a large block of the city, about one square mile that is mostly, if not totally without power. From the Roundtree/Grand Street south to Sunshine. There has been very little done in my mother's neighborhood, other than yesterday when a limb clearing crew had apparently been down the street.

Why doesn't CU send teams out to check, line-by-line, which lines might have safety issues. There may be many that do. But there will also be many that don't. They can disconnect those lines which have issues until they can find the time to get around to them, and turn that large section of town, which must be feed by a larger feeder on? That way they could turn on circuits one by one as fixed and those which don't need fixing would be on.

Pray for VD(j) on KTTS

2007-01-23T03:39:00.000-06:00

Listen to this clip, HERE .... it's a little longer than usual, but there are some hilarious words used like prayer "power". I think many right now would be happier for electrical "power" and let gawd wait. She is supposed to be patient anyway.

Two More Photos from Springfield, MO

2007-01-22T04:55:00.000-06:00

Some Hot Info About CU of SGF

2007-01-21T08:38:00.000-06:00

A few minutes ago I called CU customer service to straighten out a problem that I may have because of the confusion of reconnection of power. The repairmen may have switched my meter with my neighbors. OK ... he gave me the serial number of my meter and we can check and get it straightened out ... not a big deal.

And then I asked about my mother's house (roughly in the Phelps Grove area)(don't worry she is out of town and the house is safed). They promised on Thursday to release where crews are working, and what the expected timelines were for entire neighborhood to be reconnected on Friday .... well, they didn't and they haven't. And of course, this has not been reported, and they haven't been held to account by any reporter.

When I asked this guy at CU the same questions, he responded, and this is a direct - tape recorded - quote, " We arn't going to disclose it ...." When I asked for his name -- he hung up on me.

That is why we will have to do an investigation --- and also why the news media has failed us so badly during this disaster. There are no Times-Picyaune reporters in Springfield.

Oh, yes ... and I might add ... I got my CU bill yesterday. So apparently the billing computers are working in top form down on Central Street. I will let them know when I am ready to pay it. Don't call me, I'll call you.

Two More Pics

2007-01-21T05:17:00.000-06:00

How Much Ice Was There?

2007-01-20T03:14:00.000-06:00

Photo credit for these two go to Monkey [20after4], whose photos can be found on flickr HERE....

I thought these were very informative and attractive. My photos are being added to the 'my photos" (in the sidebar) as I can get them worked up.

A Quick Unedited Photo

2007-01-18T21:35:00.000-06:00

This is my backyard. It's not the worst I saw this week. Not a single millimeter of ice has melted since last Friday night. The large limb partially fell on the roof right over where I am sitting ... scared the shit out of me. It's about 14 inches in diameter.

A Quick Update

2007-01-18T20:44:00.000-06:00

My power came back after almost exactly 144 hours. I will report more as soon as I get warm and get myself and the place kinda' straightened up.

A disaster of major proportions in Springfield MO. I have lots of photos.

Huge Ice Storm Occuring

2007-01-13T00:20:00.000-06:00

Limbs destroyed my fence and a tree is blocking the drive ... and I am worried about a tree that is close to where I am sitting.

Look like I will probably lose power ... along with the rest of the city before it is all over. Watch here for damage reports when it gets light ... if I ever get back online ...

Watch this Video

2007-01-12T07:54:00.001-06:00

And let your mind get blown away....

HERE ....

Drinking Mad Dog 20/20 and Holding a Microphone

2007-01-10T16:46:00.000-06:00

These are a series of clips ... in order ... from VD(j).

Man -- no wonder even I stayed away from that stuff.

Listen to it HERE ...

Driving Under the Influence of Bill O'Reilly

2007-01-09T17:16:00.000-06:00

YouTube can have some of the funniest videos I have ever seen.

This one is one of the best.

Tip of the hat to Herr Hauptman Wally, ex F-16 driver.

VD(j) Has a Good Idea

2007-01-09T08:50:00.000-06:00

First listen to the loudmouth of SGF HERE ....

This morning he ranted about a subject that is fairly near and dear to my heart. Selling your own organs for some easy money. So I offer the following that I have been thinking about for awhile. (I am going to get serious about this subject at the end.) But I could use the dough.

This offer is only open to people who will benefit from the purchase:
(1) Males only, under 21 years old, unmarried, if you are married - forget it, why bother.
(2) Rich
(3) Good looking
(4) Non college student -- there are some parts of this blog that would be unbelievable.

I am willing to sell my penis. Hell, I don't use the damn thing anymore anyway. No body's even interested in it. Even the hOOters girls are more interested in tips.

But I want it to go to the right person; someone who can enjoy it as much as I have, someone who will appreciate it's health to replace the non-working one they have, someone who will remember me fondly when it is in use. (At my age I have to sit down anyway.)

Billy Long tells me I have to have an opening bid ... $250K sounds about right to me.

On a serious note ... rich Europeans are buying kidneys (mostly) from poor men they find in the slums of Rio. They are taken to Europe where the surgery is performed, are paid about $1000 US, and as soon as possible flown back to Brazil where they are dumped. No after-care... no nothing. It is becoming a big problem for the Brazilian healthcare system.

This is what the Libs would call the "free market", except for the fact that all the problems are thrown onto the desperate who sell the body parts and the rest of society who doesn't like to see people die in the gutter.

A Great Photo

2007-01-08T14:13:00.000-06:00

This wonderful photo is from Phil Plait's Bad Astronomy site. His discription is below.

"The photographer, Laurent Laveder, set this image up very carefully, making sure that the model was placed just so when the Moon was just starting to be eaten by the circular edge of the Earth’s shadow. The result was this very clever tongue-in-cheek photo. I love it! He has many more images on his site worth checking out, too. "

NeoCons and Dominionists

2007-01-08T00:09:00.000-06:00

Testing ...

2007-01-07T08:22:00.000-06:00

I am testing the www.curbstonecritic.com site ... which I have had for some time ... but need the Rhetorica-guy to teach me how to use.... Go here and see if you can view the photo of one hell of a beautiful girl playing volleyball for Pittsburg State University.

I am putting together a fancy slideshow of some of the Drury Volleyball pics from this year ... will let you know ... they look great so far ....

BradJelina Comes to the Bible Belt

2007-01-07T07:16:00.000-06:00

Well, I agree that Angelina is heavenly.

But will local boy-done-good Brad be caught shopping in the WalMart on South Campbell?

Maybe to pick up a Chinese/Persian rug for the hallway?

Or to buy some Lay's chips (heh, heh, heh - I think I made a funny) at 2 for $3.

How about a nice bottle of breakfast wine, Pagan Pink Ripple, of course.

The painting is on sale. Only $50 kilobucks. If I were Brad, I would buy it just to burn it so no one else would ever see it. He can afford to do it.

And what's this with the nekkid children? Don't they realize that VD(j) will accuse them of child porn?

And why the hell isn't the heavenly body nekkid? That is a lot more interesting.