Sunday, August 29, 2004

Don't come to my party, pal

The Repuglies are doing their best to look like real people in New York City this week ... (it takes great literary talent to use "repuglie" and "real people" in the same sentence). To the casual observer it may look like a bunch of blue-haired Daughters of the Confederate States, massively overweight TV preachers who have never heard the term, "gluttony", and fat-cat business types who run around, puffed to their ample gills, making sure that no one is even thinking about the Log Cabin Republicans getting a seat on the floor of the party.

This party reminds me of the party I had when I was a kid. I bet you did it too. Of the greatest importance was to have a little talk with the adults and to give them instructions on how to behave themselves at the party. It was pretty simple: "Get the hell in your room, don't come out, if you need to go to the bathroom crawl out the window and use the tree --- but Jeeeeezzzzzeee .... don't let any of my friends see you. I want to get invited to their parties someday."

Exactly the same thing is going on in NYC this week. Bush will be there for an hour or so, and then promptly get his butt out of town, just ahead of a crowd of angry New Yorkers with a rope and stout scaffold.

Cheney will give a tribute to his daughter, "Halliburton Initiates AIDS Clinic with Faith-Based Funds".

Rudy will talk about, "How a pudgy blond stomped me so bad I still hurt."

Arnuld will say something about the Olympics, but nobody will understand a word of it. The word "steroid" will occasionally come through the accent that makes Doctor Ruth sound like a Brooklynite. He won't say anything about his favor of Freedom of Choice.

The party will be chaired by Dave from Stockton ... never mind that he has never been able to put a thought together ... nobody's listening anyway.

What is interesting is who will NOT be on the stage. Don Rumsfeld will not be there. He is consulting with his hand-picked war room to see what can get George reelected -- invading Iran, or Syria. (Korea has nukes -- and Kim is crazy enough to use them -- so we aren't interested in Korea anymore).

Colin Powell won't be there. He is still under his desk hiding his face in shame for going from one of the most respected people in America to the laughingstock of the world in 6 short months.

John Asscroft -- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA -- gimme' a break, ya' gotta' be kiddin', right?

How about the mucho corpulent Jerry (the Jerk) Falwell. Nope he wont' be there.

Pat Robertson? Naw -- he's at home praisin' the Lawd for sending that Hurrican Charlie to wreck that gay mecca of Disneyworld. He just keeps wondering why it took doG 6 years after he asked to get around to doing it. Fortunately for Unka' Pat, Fances has a woman's name.

The Swift Boat Liars?? Oh, wait a minute, this IS the Repuglie Party ... they are not members.

So exactly who is going to show up to show off to the world the face of the Party? Hummmmmm, wait a minute, I am thinking .......

Still thinking ...

Oh, really now, there has to be someone they can show to the nation ...

I GOT IT!!!

Since they can't talk about the economy, or Iraq ... both of those suck really bad ... thry need someone to talk about 'family values". Roy Blunt, the Majority Whip from the 7th District of Missouri is just the guy. He has a perfect reputation. While Ms Congressman was at home in Strafford, Missouri, milking the cows, Roy was bonking a tobacco lobbyest. Never fear, not a word was reported by his home town media.

Well, that does leave a lot of time to fill just to plan on how to burn the Reichstag, so there will be rousing choruses of Uber Alles to a lederhosen- clothed band from Brazil.

Maybe the special investigations committee can finally locate all those missing "W's" from the White House keyboards .... it won't be any harder than locating the other W's missing IQ.

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