A Note to the Zoo Director

Dear Mike,

I am writing to you out of my concern for a terrible mistake the zoo has made which my preacher pointed out at Wed Prayer Meeting.

We were praying about God’s Holy Work, and how every word in it came from God Himself, and how He instructed us not to add or subtract from it not so much as a jot or tittle. (although, I admit to not knowing what a jot or for that matter, a tittle, is). Your zoo does a fairly good job of showing off cute animals like baby giraffes and meerkats, but fails to say that these were created by God on the fourth or fifth day (He’s a little unclear on that point.)

But what troubles me and Dr. Shiver Metimbers, my preacher, is that you house bats and birds in separate exhibits, as if they were different, like those Godless, atheist, biologists say they are –sneakily implying that that demon himself, Charles Darwin was right. The preacher pointed out that it says right in Leviticus 11:19 that bats are birds. As you can tell my Christian sensibilities are offended and I expect an immediate correction, by housing the bats with the birds.

There are two alternatives if you choose not to accomplish this task right away. I can go to my friends at the Discovery Institute and point out that zoos are required to give the taxpaying public the best information they can about giraffes, meerkats, birds and bats. And that failure to house the birds and bats together might be your opinion, however, it is offensive to large segments of our community who have a different opinion. Failure to give birds and bats an equal display is a state-sponsored religious view on your own beliefs and it will not stand in court.

The second option is merely to pray for your filthy, beer-sodden, atheist, scumbag, liberal, atheist (have I mentioned that yet?), God-hating, evolution-loving body to rot in Hell for all eternity.

I remain faithfully your friend,
Jack (Class of 1345, Kansas State School)