Saturday, March 31, 2007

A Repost of an Old Column

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

The Gerbil Chronicles

It was reported today in the Palm Beach News that a balding fat man showed up at the Emergency Room at Palm Beach Community hospital complaining of abdominal pain and requesting both oxycontin and vicodan for relief. The hospital declined to identify the patient, who arrived by limousine, and claimed to be a visitor to the area who was "just looking for a Denny's breakfast bar" when stricken by severe pain.

In a possibly related report, the Palm Beach Airport reported that at about the same time an unmarked G-4 corporate jet arrived and the occupants were whisked off in a black limo. The tracing of the tail numbers on the jet reveal it to be registered to a possibly ficticious entity called EIB. Antiterrorism agents of the FBI are investigating.

At the hospital, the patient was accompanied by a large black woman, wearing a flowered dress, shawl, and floppy wide-brimmed hat with fake fruit decorations who identified herself as Thomisina Clarence. With her was a stooped, balding, white man who only would identify himself as Chino Richards, and who sat in a corner and snarled at all small children who passed by him.

After an extensive examination four duct-tape wrapped gerbils were removed from the patient's rectum. The patient was released with instructions to, "be careful where he sat".

An hour later the patient reappeared at the emergency room, and you know what that means don't you?

Yep .... They missed a gerbil.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh yes, those were probably the spontaneously aborted butt babies that Rush and Pat Robertson made after a night of hot man-love and a bottle of Rebel Yell whiskey...In other news, two of the abortions survived - Laura Ingraham and Ann Coulter. So this begs one significant question...are those two abortions that lived human?

10:19 AM, April 01, 2007  

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