Thursday, March 03, 2005

Massabama - a State for a Cracker to love

Massabama, the State that is a cross between Ancient Mongolia, and North Korea, has passed a law to protect it's citizens.

OK, wize ass, you tell me. So what's so wrong with that, that you would defame the memory of those great Americans from a Repug State, like George Wallace and Strom Thurmon?

They are going to protect you from dildos. Yep those things made out of plastic or rubber, or elephant tusks, that you -- well --er -- use for some fun with a special friend. They are sometimes filled with air, some even have motors attached (the bigger the motor, the better, in my book -- speed counts with me.) The Lege, in it's infinite wisdom of what Gawd said in the beloved Ten Commandments, has outlawed what we used to call "marital aids." They did not mention if the dual use products, such as cucumbers, were also outlawed.

Massabama, which is in sore need of jobs for it's people, has just wrecked the battery industry.

Not mentioned in the law were items such as gearshift levers, whisk brooms, hairbrushes, fingers, or doorknobs.

Enterprising entrepreneurs might cross the State Line to Florida where there is planning to open Walmart-sized outlets selling Vaseline, KY Jelly, Crisco cooking oil, and Pam.

Of course, these are modern times and we don't call them "marital aids" anymore. We have a new word -- pharmaceuticals. Advertised on TV at the superbowl games, by dried up former Senators, and even blaspheming the Lawd Gawd hisself, by appearing on the hood of a NASCAR racer.

And I thought the knuckledrags in the Missouri Lege were nutcases.


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