Sunday, July 16, 2006

On Living, and Dying

As I sit here this hot Sunday morning, listening to William Colby, the lawyer who represented Nancy Cruzan I think of my own mortality.

I live with heart disease, serious heart disease. Disease that could claim me at any second with no warning. And I do have some of the best medical care that anyone could hope for having.

Nevertheless, given my genetic history, I should have died many years ago. When I turned 50 I became the oldest living male member of my mother's family in four generations. So I am under no illusion about my luck, or my good fortune at being alive at a time when heart disease can be treated.

And I have both a living will and an advanced directive as to my wishes should I not be able to make decisions for myself. The last thing in the world I want, or anyone else wants, is to get lawyers, courts, the state -- anyone outside of those I trust to get involved in the decision of whether I live or die. Gawd forbid -- the very last people I want involved are the religious whacks -- whether they want me to get saved before I go, so I can be with Jeeeeeezzzzzusss, or more likely, for my lib'rul soul to roast in hell.

But there are some great questions I would like to know, that I probably never will. Is there other life in this great void, and what is that life like? How does it differ from our life on this planet? What is the universe/space/time/strings/black holes and all that stuff that is so deeply part of our short existence?

But what I don't want is equally felt. A slobbering old man, in bed, attended to by loving, but unhelpful friends from Hospice, and family, if they care at all. Not being able to take a photo of a beautiful flower, or visiting hOOters, to oggle the pretty girls, or going to a boogers meeting to laugh my head off at the witty and talented people I know.

Life is short, so very short, and so unfullfilling when there is so much to be learned and so much left unlearned.

Nancy Cruzan knew. Joe Cruzan knew better.


Anonymous billylong said...

John, sorry to hear about your Heart Condition. I didn't want to say anything but I knew you were on some kind of a strict diet when you ate that Supermegalargehuge Chilli Dog in my truck after the auction you attended. :)

8:32 PM, July 18, 2006  
Blogger John Stone said...

I beg your pardon ... it was a Frito pie ... a big one ... with beans that makes it heart healthy, eh?

9:14 PM, July 18, 2006  

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