Ah, Paris, What Happened t'Ye

I remember when you were that bouncy two-year old. Sitting in daddy's lap, telling me all about that imaginary friend who visited you last night and what words of wisdom she imparted.

And now my little girl can't even remember to put on her dress before she goes out clubbing. Here, I give her a loooooong limo, a camera that takes videos in low light, a nice place to live, and look at what happens. You get all tanked and cranked and make me sorry I have those porn channels in all the hotel rooms.

Honey -- you need to be more careful. Check out that guy over to the side -- the one with the trenchcoat. He is either on his way to a high school with a commie rifle under there, or he's getting ready to show you something that daddy warned you about.

My darlin' ... go eat a Big Mac -- I'll buy. Pig out on some Pappy's Place barbeque. Buy a pair of stone-washed,faded jeans with holes in them ... anything. Put a flower in your hair, ask the hangers on around you for a dollar to put in the jukebox -- cripes, anything.

And jeeezzzzzzeeee ... put on a coat. All that cold air is going to make you puffy.

Remember, if you arn't a nice girl they may take away your tax break.