A Talk with a General

Today I had lunch with General Pendragon, head of the Pentagon Star Wars Program. He was very enthusiastic despite the fact that it has never worked, even when the tests are rigged to make it work.

"I have had to put up with a lot of grief from nay-sayers, scientists, and libruls about this great program to protect our homeland," he said. "They bitch and moan that the only way we have even come close to a sucessful test in 13 tries is to attach a transponder to the target, just like the commies would do."

"Think of the great things for the ecomony. We have guys pouring concete silos all over the west --- well OK -- six silos, but who is interested in those creaky old Titan solos in Kansas anyway -- we already know they are going to vote commie-red."

I asked him about the radar stations in Greenland to protect us from nukes from the Middle East. "Simple," he said, "Assama would love to get his hands on an armed ICBM -- and you can bet he would use it. And what about Saddam modifying those Scuds so they could fly 160 miles instead of the 140 they were designed for doing? There was a clear threat if I ever saw one. George Tenet said it was a "slam-dunk -- and look, he got a big shiny medal from the big man hisself."

I asked him if this was such a sure thing to spend $80 billion for so far, why, if I were a commie Chinese, or an evil Russian, I just wouldn't launch my missles to arrive from the south rather than the north, since all our radars are pointed north?

The Gen'rul said he was maxed out on his credit card and would I mind picking up the tab.