Understanding Intelligent Design

Intelligent design theory is quickly gaining acceptance with school boards from Kansas to Pennsylvania. For those desiring to educate themselves on the basics of intelligent design theory I recommend the following simple self-education procedure:

Pick up a copy of The Design Revolution by William A. Dembski, one of the leading salesmen on intelligent design theory.

Tear out the pages of the book, crumple them up, and force them up the anus until the rectum is completely full. This will cauterize any bleeding caused by step 4 below. Make sure you don't accidentally read any of Dembski's book in the process.

Remove the radio antenna from a car, boat, boombox, or recreational vehicle. Insert the antenna up the left nostril and rotate the tip in a circular motion until the entire left hemisphere (including the cerebral cortex) is eviscerated. Be sure not to sever the corpus callosum.

Find an unoccupied restroom with an unpadded wooden toilet seat and place the head between the seat and porcelain rim. (Note: it is important to make sure that the seat is not padded or this just won't work.) Slam the toilet seat downward onto the side of the head repeatedly. This step is complete when you can nod silently through an entire two hour episode of The 700 club.

That's all there is to it. You now understand the other side of the evolution debate. Good luck with your future scientific discoveries.