The Libertarian Party

People who want to smoke dope and get laid.

Jesus Dies in Ice Storm

Sadly -- now Jesus lies on the ground cut by a chain saw into about ten pieces.... Even more gruesome than the cross.... SGF fundamentalists must have watched the Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

Some More Spring Beauty

Photos Copyright 2007 by John Stone. Reproduction without permission is prohibited.

Police Chief, Police Dog, Have Same Degree

TIFFIN - The Fostoria Police Department may have the most educated police dog around.

Documents filed Monday in Seneca County Common Pleas Court show that John I. Rocko, aka Rocko the police dog, received a bachelor of science degree in criminal justice last year. Not only that, it's the same institution that police Chief John McGuire's resume said he received a degree from in 2002.

Attorney Gene Murray, in a motion on behalf of his client, Clifford Green, said he wants the dog to be subpoenaed into court as an exhibit for having received the same degree as Chief McGuire and "for giving one pause, if not paws, for concern of what it actually takes to achieve and be awarded the concordant degrees of the dog and John McGuire, both cum laude alumni of Concordia College and University."

Both Rocko and the police chief have degrees from Concordia, an online degree program in the Virgin Islands.

The dog got a higher grade in one class than the Chief.

Read it HERE ....

Gonzogate: The Smirk Panics

Let's face it .. .Gonzo knows where a lot of bodies are buried ... like for instance the driving records of King George IV.

So, he is going to appear, under oath, in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee on April 15th.

This is not a date picked out of thin air -- it is a date he and the White House negotiated with the committee.

Well --- now that Gonzo is in boiling oil up to his lyin' teeth he wants to move the date up to next week. Fat chance.

Let the SOB twist in the wind for a couple of weeks and let the bad news, revelations of emails, testimony of the other rats leaving the sinking Bush ship, just build and build and become more and more embarrassing.

It's called "oversight" -- remember that stuff from the Clinton administration?

Springfield's Japanese Stroll Garden

Photos Copyright 2007 by John Stone. Reproduction without permission prohibited.

A Repost of an Old Column

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

The Gerbil Chronicles

It was reported today in the Palm Beach News that a balding fat man showed up at the Emergency Room at Palm Beach Community hospital complaining of abdominal pain and requesting both oxycontin and vicodan for relief. The hospital declined to identify the patient, who arrived by limousine, and claimed to be a visitor to the area who was "just looking for a Denny's breakfast bar" when stricken by severe pain.

In a possibly related report, the Palm Beach Airport reported that at about the same time an unmarked G-4 corporate jet arrived and the occupants were whisked off in a black limo. The tracing of the tail numbers on the jet reveal it to be registered to a possibly ficticious entity called EIB. Antiterrorism agents of the FBI are investigating.

At the hospital, the patient was accompanied by a large black woman, wearing a flowered dress, shawl, and floppy wide-brimmed hat with fake fruit decorations who identified herself as Thomisina Clarence. With her was a stooped, balding, white man who only would identify himself as Chino Richards, and who sat in a corner and snarled at all small children who passed by him.

After an extensive examination four duct-tape wrapped gerbils were removed from the patient's rectum. The patient was released with instructions to, "be careful where he sat".

An hour later the patient reappeared at the emergency room, and you know what that means don't you?

Yep .... They missed a gerbil.

More Spring .. Less Chocolate B'Jesus

All photos Copyright 2007 by John Stone. Reproduction with permission only.

I Don't Care if it Rains or Feezes ...

More ... much more ... to be added to this one this afternoon after I collect the jokes going around.

It is certainly more tasteful, in several senses of that word, than Andres Serrano's Piss Christ. ... Elliot

What makes it so offensive to Donohue is that it depicts a black Jesus. .. Tristero

I don't see the problem here... Christianity is forever munching on bits of their Lord, including His body and blood, not to mention all of the symbolism of eating lamb at Easter. So now it's chocolate... big deal. ... Zadig

So Donahue shouldn't be worked up about the anatomical correctness, but I'm sure that's a huge part of it--especially since Chocolate Jesus has a considerable package. .. Molly


(HEH ... HEH ... HEH ... suppose Tony two-fingers is pissed off? Imagine Jesus with a bigger popsicle than him. Maybe we can pool our money together and buy VD(j) a candy cigar for Easterbunny Day.)

The chocolate is all wrong. The crucified Christ needs to be made from bread dough so that He can rise again on the third day. ... Peter

For laughs, check out the Catholic League's Annual Reports on Anti-Catholicism, which apparently involves any statement obliquely critical of the Church. The cartoons and anything involving Christopher Hitchens can be especially funny. ... Missionary Position

Do you pray to Allah?' one asked. I said yes. They said, '[Expletive] you. And [expletive] him.' One of them said, 'You are not getting out of here health[y], you are getting out of here handicapped. And he said to me, 'Are you married?' I said, 'Yes.' They said, 'If your wife saw you like this, she will be disappointed.' One of them said, 'But if I saw her now she would not be disappointed now because I would rape her.'" [...] "They ordered me to thank Jesus that I'm alive." [...] "I said to him, 'I believe in Allah.' So he said, 'But I believe in torture and I will torture you.' ... prisoner at Abu Garib

Bachelor Parties are not Like Purity Balls

First, take a look at the photo, it's important to the story.

In Sweden it is a bit of a custom for the groom to be kidnapped and whisked off somewhere for his stag night, which usually lasts all day and all night rather than the typical American stag night where you all arrange it beforehand go out get drunk and hire a stripper.

The Swedes do it different.. The groom has no idea until he gets nabbed.. He might be dressed up in something crazy... and go do something funny...and then the fun starts!

This particular guy is a keen sailor and when he was kidnapped for his stag night they pasted a false "skippers-beard" on him and put him at the helm of a 60 foot yacht and let him be skipper for the day...

Much beer and fine food was consumed. But nothing... nasty happened to him at all... In the evening when they got back on land and were getting cleaned up for the night club... they all had a sauna as is customary in Sweden....

Imagine the grooms horror when he walked into the sauna where his naked buddies were waiting for him and then to notice that best mate number one had no pubic hair ...

neither did friend two ...
nor three ...
or four...

Now check out the false beard again...........

Spring ... Finally....

I'm So Old...

I remember when Dennis Miller was funny.

Little Georgie and Gonzogate

Coming to a Race Near You

Tony Snowflake's Cancer has Probably Spread to His Liver

No comment yet from the Pigman, VD(j), or other real Xtians.

VD(j) as the Ultimate Chickenshit

Oooooh... wait until I have time to edit the clips from this morning. He says Ernie the Troublemaker from Ozark has "popsicles". Ernie -- here's a hint. If you have ugly, skinny legs that taste like grapes -- see a chiropractor. (And ask Tony Two-Fingers for a date).

VD(j) says that he is the only one who is a "man" who will fight for what he believes. I about fell off the chair at this one since he ducked in the most chickenshitted way an offer from Mr. Mt. Vernon to show off HIS popsicles.

He also ducked all the posibilities to serve whatever country he might claim before, that got rid of him to someone else. Here's a hint to the asshat. The very guy I was named after, and his best friend, went to Canada in 1941 and joined the RAF. Only one came home, and he was never the same. You -- you villinous vile piece of human waste, could have come to America and joined up at any time -- since you ARE the World's Best American.

Shithead!!!

Crap!!!!

Green Beer is not Everything

Are Apes More Moral Than Xtians?

Sure sounds like it.

HERE ....

The Drug Addled Pigboy on Elisabeth Edwards

What happens to your brain on drugs?

"What is their religion? I don't doubt they're religious people, but, we talked about this. Political people are different than you and I. And, you know, most people when told a family member's been diagnosed with the kind of cancer Elizabeth Edwards has, they turn to God. The Edwards turned to the campaign.Their religion is politics and the quest for the White House. And that's -- it's not just with them, I mean, it's part and parcel of political people -- undergo all this stuff, the media anal all over their private life being made public even by the candidates themselves -- it's all part of the drill.[...] If you're Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton, how do you now attack John Edwards? Not a problem for Hillary, the Clinton [inaudible] will find a way. But Barack, it's going to be a challenge. [...] What the Edwards campaign is going to do here is see what the reaction is within the ranks of Democrat [sic] voters -- as far as this announcement is concerned -- and then go on from there. If there is not a big jump, if this doesn't cause a breakout, if this doesn't cause a big uptick, then, at some point, Senator Edwards will probably have to suspend the campaign."

The Sad Truth of Our Iraq Fiasco

America has NOT been in Iraq for five years.

America has been in Iraq for one year, five times.

No demands for sacrifice on the part of the military to keep fighting until it's over, one way or the other, no demands on the military to insist on it, or mutiny. And a weak and confused idealogical leadership in the White House. A useless waste of lives and treasure.

No demand on the American citizens to support war to it's fullest or get the hell out of it. But plenty of demands and obligations on our children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren.

A Note from buDDy

You may recall my friend buDDY. A Ute-itarian half-breed who lives in a teepee behind the NPR studios in Santa Fe. Someone dragged an extension cord to him so he could send me an email.

buDDy's pal, Jim Terr, is the guy who drops by to give him some bear jerky and some salad fixin's that he finds in the bed of a rusty, broken-down 61 Chevey pick-up, isolated in the desert, packaged in gunny sacks, for his salads and vitamins.

Well Terr has scribbled another tune you can hear on You-Tube.

buDDy.... suppose that guy Terr has been finding some mushrooms out there that he is holding out on you?

A Funny from the BBC

I listen to BBC world radio at night. The news is such a better quality and quantity than we get from the US media. There are things actually happening in the world outside the borders of our isolated little country.

But occasionally the BBC announcers will pull off an accidental funny. This morning they were reporting on the strangulation of the Pakistani cricket-the-mouseketeer coach. (Take note Barry Hinson!!!!)

The announcer said that the police were looking for at least one, or more, suspects.

Duh?

Since when did Inspector Cleauseau leave the Surete and join Scotland Yard?

Photos on Flickr - The Karate Cat

In the sidebar you can find a link to "My Photos". This link takes you to flickr, where I have almost 3500 of my own photos up and there are over 18 million photos in all.

Flickr is a great site, brought to me by Zach (who is scary-talented for a teenager), where one can find any kind of photo, good to bad, innocent to porn, beautiful to ugly.

If you visit, get a screen name and start looking for photos you like. You can download high res versions of most of them. And if you find photographers that you particularly like you can follow what they post automatically.

Eighteen Minutes? Eighteen Days? B. F. D.

Josh Marshall reports there is an 18-day gap -- first spotted by a commenter on the blog Talking Points Memo -- in the over 3,000 emails released by the Department of Justice pertaining to the attorney firing scandal.

The gap covers the days between November 15 and December 4, 2006. So far, only one email has been found dated within that 18 day period among those released in Monday night's document dump. The lone email, from November 29, 2006, was one forwarded by Justice official Michael Elston to a fellow staffer asking for an attached review document to be printed.

"The firing calls went out on December 7th. But the original plan was to start placing the calls on November 15th," notes Marshall. "So those eighteen days are pretty key ones."

Politico reporters Mike Allen and John Bresnahan also picked up on the gap. They surmise that the missing communication covers "a critical period, as the White House and Justice Department reviewed -- then approved -- which U.S. attorneys would be fired, while also developing a political and communications strategy for countering any fallout from the firings."

The gap, specifically because of its length, is an eerie reminder of the infamous eighteen-and-a-half minute gap in the Nixon tapes. As one blogger writes, "The Bush Administration is working overtime to make this attorney scandal look more and more like Watergate by the day."

Doug Burlison Endorses VD(j)

Doug Burlison, a Libbyloonie who hates government, endorsed VD(j), who hates everybody, on Radio KTTS this morning.

Most sensible city leaders refuse to talk to the racist slob.

Burlison, who believes in no government is best government, is running for a government job as General Councilman in District C.

Exerpt from; God: The Failed Hypothesis

"If the most important stories found in he Old and New Testaments are even remotely historic, then scientific evidence should exist for an escape of large numbers of Jews from Egypt in the thirteenth Century BCE and forty years of wandering in the desert. It does not. Physical evidence should exist for great battles as the Israelites captured the land of Canaan, after returning to Canaan. It does not. Physical evidence should exist for a Golden Age in a combined Kingdom of Israel and Judea around 1000 BCE and the Temple of Solomon. It does not.

"Historical evidence should also exist for the extraordinary events reported to have occurred around the time of Jesus' birth. It does not. Historical evidence for the extraordinary events events reported to have occurred at the time of Jesus' death. It does not. From the absence of evidence that should exist in the scientific and historical record, we can concluded, beyond a reasonable doubt, that these extraordinary events did not take place as the Bible describes.

"The Bible reads as an assembly of myths fashioned by ancient authors who had no idea of historical accuracy. Its description of the world reflects the scientific and historical knowledge of the age in which the manuscripts were composed.

"The information and insights contained in scriptures and other revelations look just as they can be expected to look if there is no God who revealed truths to humanity that were recorded in sacred texts."

What Henry Kissinger Told Jill St. John

You don't think power is the ultimate aphrodisiac?

Wait until you see me nekkid.

Ignatius Reilly Plays VD(j) in the Movie

In the wake of the Simpsons coming to Springfield, we have another subject of a film in our midst. Ignatius Reilly will play local radio loudmouth VD(j). Above is Ignatius or VD, on the cover of the screen play, and below is Ignatius or VD with Darleen, the star stripper at the Night of Joy stripclub who is trying to add some class to her act by training a cockatoo to pick off her clothes.

It is unknown if Courtney the poor long suffering kid who needs a paycheck, will play Myra Minkoff, the sexy little minx.

Ignatius is something of a modern Don Quixote — eccentric and creative, sometimes to the point of delusion.

He disdains modernity, particularly pop culture. The disdain becomes his obsession: he goes to movies in order to mock their inanity and express his outrage with the contemporary world's lack of "theology and geometry." He prefers the scholastic philosophy of the Middle Ages, especially that of Boethius. However he is also seen as enjoying many modern comforts and conveniences, and is given to claiming that the rednecks of rural Louisiana hate all modern technology which they associate with progress.

Throughout the novel, Ignatius exhibits what would today be considered symptoms of depression. He operates under the mindset that he does not belong in the world and that his numerous failings are the work of some higher power. He continually refers to the goddess Fortuna as having spun him downwards on her wheel of luck. This type of thought may be akin to the psychological idea of "external locus of control" in which the subject believes that he is more or less powerless to alter the circumstances of his life through his own actions.

Additionally, Ignatius shows the traits of an addictive personality in his inability to eat in moderation and regular bouts of chronic sexual self-fulfillment (he becomes sexually aroused by thoughts of his deceased dog and when he is lifted into the air by four black factory workers). His mockery of obscene images is portrayed as a defensive posture to hide their titillating effect on him.

In addition, he exhibits bizarre aversions, for example to Greyhound Scenicruiser buses, the bi-level coaches used by the company at the time for its longer routes. He speaks of the horror he feels even just knowing that they are hurtling about in the night.

As to Myrna:

Myrna "The Minx" is a Jewish beatnik from New York City whom Ignatius met while she was in college in New Orleans. Though their political, social, religious, and personal orientations could hardly be more different, Myrna and Ignatius fascinate one another. Repeated reference is made to the tag-team attack on the teachings of the professors Myrna and Ignatius engaged in during their college years. For most of the novel she is seen only in the regular correspondence which the two keep up since her return to New York, a correspondence heavily weighted with sexual analysis on the part of Myrna and contempt for her apparent sacrilegious activity by Ignatius. Officially, they both deplore everything the other stands for. Though probably neither of them would admit it, their correspondence indicates that, though separated by half a continent, many of their actions are taken with the intention of impressing the other.

Sounds just like the mornings on KTTS-AM radio.