Friday, April 29, 2005

Pope Klink I

What was the job Pope Klink I (or as Brittany would say ... Pee-Kay-Eye) in JP II's (Jay-Pee-Eye-Eye) Vatican? (She is such a maroon)

He was head of the Inquisition. An office that has about as much credibity as the office of the President of the US since 2001. However, it does have slightly less blood on it's hands than the toy-prez, since it only burned up thousand of witches, rather than hundreds of thousands of Musslemen.

Here is General Klink's handbook ... his operations manual ... the Maleodeus Malefictorum.

A second precaution is to be observed, not only at this point but during the whole process, by the Judge and all his assessors; namely, that they must not allow themselves to be touched physically by the witch, especially in any contract of their bare arms or hands; but they must always carry about them some salt consecrated on Palm Sunday and some Blessed Herbs. For these can be enclosed together in Blessed Wax and worn round the neck, as we showed in the Second Part when we discussed the remedies against illnesses and diseases caused by witchcraft; and that these have a wonderful protective virtue is known not only from the testimony of witches, but from the use and practice of the Church, which exorcizes and blesses such objects for this very purpose, as is shown in the ceremony of exorcism when it is said, For the banishing of all the power of the devil, etc

Fortelling the latest rage for bikini waxes in nether regions, or male porn stars, Pee-Kay-Eye is going to do like the guards at Abu Garib in searching witches for contraband. It will be interesting to see if the fags actually like it.

Now in the parts of Germany such shaving, especially of the secret parts, is not generally considered delicate, and therefore we Inquisitors do not use it; but we cause the hair of their head to be cut off, and placing a morsel of Blessed Wax in a cup of Holy Water and invoking the most Holy Trinity, we give it them to drink three times on a fasting stomach, and by the grace of God we have by this means caused many to break their silence. But in other countries the Inquisitors order the witch to be shaved all over her body. And the Inquisitor of Como has informed us that last year, that is, in 1485, he ordered forty-one witches to be burned, after they had been shaved all over. And this was in the district and county of Burbia, commonly called Wormserbad, in the territory of the Archduke of Austria, towards Milan

Read the MM here.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

New DeLay Ethic Committee Rule

No member can be held responsible for "stuff".

Ivory Billed Woodpecker

It has long thought to be extinct since it's lowland habitat was destroyed by clear-cut logging in the early 1900's. Now it has definitely been sighted ... there may be the huge population of 10 individuals in Arkansas.

Naturally, the exact location is secret. But it is in the bottoms of the White River.

I have seen Piliated Woodpeckers ... and man that is a sight that will shock you when you first see one ... they are BIG ... huge ... the size of a crow. And the Ivory Billed are even bigger, have a distinctive call, flight, and pecking noise. -- in addition to the appearance. The conservationists have been raising money quietly to buy the habitat, and even have a videotape that clearly shows the bird for a few seconds.

You can learnmore about the Ivory Billed Woodpecker by going here.

Wonderful ... just plain wonderful. I only hope a one-toothed NRA goober in Arkansas doesn't think he can make a tasty pie out of 'possom and Ivory Billed.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Galileo goes back to hell

How interesting. Pope JP II gave a sorta' half-hearted reprive to poor old Galileo, who had the timerity to say that the earth went around the sun, rather than the clear evidence from the Bible and your own eyes that the sun goes around the earth.

Lukewarm -- but better than nothing -- it stopped the snickering at the Catholic Church for awhile.

But Pope Rat I is a different breed of cat. He said in 1990 that Galileo was being "unreasonable" and he was treated "reasonably" by the Church. To bad for the G-man .... back to the demons of hell for that apostate bastard.

Oh yes, he was threatened with torture by the Inquisition, if he didn't recant his loopy ideas about science. Odd, because now the chief mitre-head of the Inquisition is going to dig him up, try him again, cut off his fingers, and throw his body in the Tiber River. (Like one Pope did to his predessor).

Last I heard from NASA it still moves.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

It's still a skank

Voice of WH says Ann Coulter is really Arthur Coltrane, son of hog farmers who had sex change when a teen!

The Voice of the White House

March 7, 2005: “I have heard that Helen Thomas´ colleagues in the White House Press Corps are not taking Ann Coulter´s vicious and typically arrogant pro-Hebrew attack on the dear old lady´s Lebanese ethnicity well - she called Ms. Thomas "that old Arab." The Press Corps do not look kindly on the Ice Queen´s sneering contempt for their colleague, who is a 60-year veteran and who has been a mother figure to everyone since they were greenhorns in the Press Room.

There is a rumor going the rounds of the Press Corps that in real life Ann Coulter is a man. He/she was once Arthur Coltrane from Pickens County, Georgia, who went to Denmark when he/she was a teenager for a sex-change operation to become a woman, the operation being paid for by his/her wealthy and doting mother, Darlene Coltrane, heiress to a hog-farming fortune. The consensus about "Ms." Coulter/Coltrane in the Press Room is that ONLY a gayman could have such a vicious mouth on him/her. People are saying that his/her stunning blond locks are really a wig, which he/she got in a Copenhagen sex-toys and drag-queen supply shop, when his/her own hair fell out after the hormone shots took effect.

Having seen what makeup could do for drag queen Ru Paul, who in real life is a VERY plain-looking black man, no one finds it surprising that "Ms." Ann Coulter/Coltrane would have shunned his/her family hog-farming business for the brighter lights of the big city, since we have heard that without all that Danish foundation cream, he/she might easily have been mistaken for one of the livestock.--

Friday, April 22, 2005


I have been asked to explain more about the website devoted to photos of Springfield, Missouri.

You can access it by going here.

I think the best way to view them is to click the slideshow link in the upper right corner -- and view them in a separate window. You can see comments, if any, by clicking on a single pic.

My psychonym is "Crazy Eye" ... there are some really interesting photos by others, particularly of downtown SGF....

Enjoy ....

Thursday, April 21, 2005

More of My Photos on net

Thanks to Ron Davis and The Springfieldian I found a really nice site to post photos. There are a lot of photos up there and you can search for a location you want to see.

You can find my pics and some more, of Springfield, Missouri, by going here. You can view them as a slideshow, which is nice looking. These are talented local photogs. My screen name is Crazy Eye ... somehow fits, doesn't it?

Thanks to everyone who helped me out with this one.

Springer on Radio

I like Air America radio. You can stream it on the net by going here. Al Franken's show started out a little shaky, but Franken learned fast, and now it is a good, and as well done, as any show on NPR.

Randi Rhodes is just an old pro. She has been around radio for a long time -- and this is one Brooklynite that you don't want to engage in a pissing contest.

Mike Malloy is another old pro and a friend to boot. If
Rush is hard on Democrats ... Malloy is just downright evil toward Republicans.

But a recent surprise is Jerry Springer. That's right - the guy from TV fame - who manages to find the ugliest fat people in the world and have them fight and tear off their clothes in front of a studio audience. (Never misunderestimate the capabilities of some goobers out there to embarrass themselves)(Rule of life: Never get into fights with ugly people -- they have nothing ot lose). Jerry's program on the radio is very, very, good. He is smart, articulate and treats his audience like they were sensible adults. It's worth a listen.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Pope Rat I

German Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, who we can now refer to fondly as Pope Rat I, has had an interesting job in the Vatican. One right out of the Godfather as a matter of Fact.

He has now taken the eccelastical name of Pope Lupo I.

He was head of the "Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith". For those with a longer memory than the PR namers in the White House and Vatican might recall another name for his office is:

The Inquisition

The Mormans can expect a big increase in membership as social progressives flee the Church of Rome.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Benedick XVI

The last German Pope was 1000 years ago ... which is about the time period the Catholic Church has warped into ....

Interesting. Pope John Paul II's enforcer and Vatican hit man -- was in the Hitler Youth.

I am sure that doesn't refect on his personality though.

Fortunately, he is so damn old, that the world won't have to live with him for very long.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Texas Repuglies and dem' Queers

Just kill 'em all and let God sort it out.


Not according to the Texas Republican Platform, which is mightly concerned about who is doing what with someone else. Consider this sentence:

We oppose any criminal or civil penalties against those who oppose homosexuality out of faith, conviction, or belief in traditional values.”

In other words if you use your commie assult rifle that the tooth polishers in Dallas love so much, to kill a few of "those people" you are off scot free, bubula. All you have to do is tell the cops that God made you do it. Shoot ... er...shucks... if you can convince the cops that your grandaddy didn't like dem' fags either, you don't even have to claim God done it ... it's part of your traditional values.

Read the entire platform here.

Eric Rudolph would love this. No way would he be looking a four life terms for bombing a few Planned Parenthood clinics, he would be a hero to all cowboys in Texas who carry around a Dixie cup for their thoughts.

The Night Riders are coming. This time they are dressed in Red, White and Blue and carry AK-47s.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

A Note to Mom

Ron Davis, of CHATTER fame, is our first-do most mornings ... not that I would trade a cup of my French Roast for a can of his JOLT! He can sometimes come up with a story that will have you spewing all over the keyboard. This is one of them.

Seems as though that great intellect Brittany Spears, (great intellect if you compare her to a piece of her discarded bubble gum), is in a mommy-way.

Davis sent us to this website where future-baby Federline has a few words of advice for the person surrounding the womb-vehicle. It's a must-read. Find it here.

Line of the day: "I'm inside Brittany, and you arn't"

Friday, April 15, 2005

Praise God and Pass the Matzo

Honest, there is no way anyone could make this up.

"The rabbi, Mordechai Eliahu, a former Sephardic chief rabbi in Israel, said Viagra could be consumed provided the pill was placed in special gelatin capsules before the weeklong observance begins April 23, the Jerusalem Post reported."

Read it here.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Why Religions Suck

Of all the sects of religion in America, probably none is goofier than the Mormons -- OK, maybe that Roman Catholic and Voodoo hybrid in New Orleans is nuttier -- but only by a little.

The Mormans think that they can get your slimy butt into heaven after you are dead ... AFTER YOU ARE DEAD ... by baptizing you; in absensia, of course. They cull death records in courthouses, lurk around funeral homes, and take names at airliner wrecks, and then have a ... heh, heh, heh ... "stand-in" be baptized. Well, at least they are standing -- the subject of the ceremony isn't.

Just another cornball idea of people doing their weird thing? Kinda' like the Catholics doing the transmorgrification thing with the Nabiscos and Welches grape juice -- oh, sorry -- the Catholics use Ripple, it's the Baptists that go for the Welches.

But it seems as though the Mormons have been baptizing everybody -- including Jews! And the Jews are a little pissed that they arn't good enough for their own heaven, now they have to hang around with a bunch of anal-retentives from Provo for eternity who won't even give them a Coke.

The Mormans have baptized Ann Frank, Adolph Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Pol Pot, and George Bush. Just what I want for my eternity -- an apartment nextdoor to the Smirking Chimp.

I suggest that the Jews go through the death records and have a stand-in be circumcised if they find some clown who hasn't had his tallywhacker, whacked. "Come on over here Orin!! We found another one who didn't have his foreskin forshortened, and you have to have another inch or two Bobbitted!"

The arrogance -- the incredible arrogance. Religion is the most dangerous idea ever invented by man.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Peddling a dog

Billy Long, a local salesman, has what we laughingly call a radio show every morning during drive time. I say laughingly, because it is unbelievable how he can squeeze no fewer than eight small small spots (of about a minute), an "interview" with a sponsor, and a few other goodies like a Pigman update and some news that's not news into a 30 minute segment. Good thing he is an auctioneer and talks at warp 7.

For instance he does "remote shows" from a local hardware store. Which he manages to teach a good lesson. Never believe anything anyone tells you when they are trying to sell something!!!

He started out selling electric space heaters. 1500 watt space heaters to be exact. Said they use no more electricity than your coffeepot. Man, I like java, but 1500 watts will heat my swimming pool.

Now he flogs a Ozone Air Cleaner made by the same company. .. even said he bought one for his elderly mother. Cured all her ails too.... a miracle. My advice was to disconnect the ozone generator and leave her with a fan that she can hear and think that something good is happening, because ozone is a dangerous air pollutant-- not cleaner.

Well, Billy might be wanting some big inheritance, because he didn't listen to me. Apparently he hasn't read the latest issue of Consumer Reports either, because they say these things increase home pollution at the expense of the exposed persons. Read the EPA's evaluation here.

Granted radio station owners have no sense of shame about how they make money. But we can hold Billy personally responsible for what HE does, can't we? It's the old crazy right-wing idea of taking personal responsibility.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

John Paul II

There are many nice things I could say about him. He seemed like the kind of guy that if you dressed him in a pair of jeans, running shoes, t-shirt, and baseball cap, you could go to a ball game, have a few brews, and have a lot of fun.

But there were a lot of bad things too. He was a hide-bound reactionary when it came to women in the Church, abortion, even the use of condoms to prevent horrible death and chaos. And finally, and most remembered, his blind eye toward the American clergy who were abusing children.

But I thought that perhaps someone else said it better than I could: Here is the take from Ambrose Bierce.

One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

I dreamed I stood upon a hill, and, lo!
The godly multitudes walked to and fro
Beneath, in Sabbath garments fitly clad,
With pious mien, appropriately sad,
While all the church bells made a solemn din --
A fire-alarm to those who lived in sin.
Then saw I gazing thoughtfully below,
With tranquil face, upon that holy show
A tall, spare figure in a robe of white,
Whose eyes diffused a melancholy light.
"God keep you, stranger," I exclaimed. "You are,
No doubt, (your habit shows it), from afar;
And yet I entertain the hope that you,
Like these good people, are a Christian too."
He raised his eyes and with a look so stern
It made me with a thousand blushes burn
Replied -- his manner with disdain was spiced:
"What! I a Christian? No, indeed! I'm Christ."

Friday, April 01, 2005

A special post for today

Thanks to Ron Davis, I was introduced to this site on local, state and national news. They are nice folks and said they would flog my blog today ... (damn, that was really good).

So I have done something special. I have created an .exe slideshow of some of my photos. This file is guaranteed safe to download, however it is large, about 9 megabytes, so consider your connection speed. It depends on your browser how it opens for you.

Find it here.

Enjoy ... I have thousands of photos and these are a few that I had handy for you.

I have more photos and some silly writing stuff on my webpage.

Thanks to Rob and all his vast team of reporters.

Now, back to giving the Repuglies the red ass.