Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Hooray for pResident Bunnypants

The Smirk announces that he is sending an aircraft carrier to Sri Lanka.


Those F-14's and FA-18's will be an invaluable help to the parents of the 33,000 (as of today and growing) dead children alone. They might be even more thrilled if he sent the Blue Angles to cheer up their little cold dead hearts.

Speaking of cold dead hearts, Bunnypants announced a $35 billion aid effort ... he was only wrong by a factor of 1000. Close enough for his needle-sharp mind. It's $35 million. Oh, did I mention that he will spend $40 million on his party January 20th?

Monday, December 27, 2004

The Sumatra Earthquake

One cannot even imagine the forces and terror involved with both the earth and the tsunami that followed.

But I alone understand the reason why it happened.

It was caused by global warming.

Follow me on this: Global warming is causing huge melting of the ice at the north and south poles, dumping huge amounts of fresh water into the world's oceans. Fresh water is less dense than salt water, therefore, weighs less. Therefore, there was less water weight over the "plate" off Sumatra to hold it down... and of course it jumped up.

There. Now you know too.

Science is such a wonderful thing. You get such wholesale return of conjecture from such a trifling investment in fact.

The Genius of Bill Moyers

The career of Bill Moyers has become legendary. Ordained Baptist Minister, presidential advisor, newsman, writer ...

Is there anything he can't do, and do better than anyone else?

Here is a link to a speech last week to a group of journalists.

It is just stunningly brillant.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

That must be reeeeeealy good shit

I don't know what the freeps smoke/shoot/rub in their bellies -- but man I want some.

Bet you don't remember the chaos in the streets of Washington during Bunnypant's confirmation to power... neither do I . But it must have happened because the freeps had a news conference this morning saying it did. (Conference on C-SPAN with less than 10 people in attendance)

So the freeps are volunteering to get out during the pResidents first inaugeration and beat some heads to keep liberals and demos in line. They say they know the cops can't be everywhere. And they want to demonstrate for the Second Admendment, war, death and chaos in Iraq, and the right of Jenna to drink whatever she wants to drink. Actually these guys look to me like they couldn't fight their way out of a wet K-Mart bag ... they might want to rethink that... plus right wingers can't hit diddly squat with their guns ....

Democrats and liberals are enemies of the country, they say.

They want to particularly "protect" the Navy Memorial --- which was trashed in 2001 -- bet that's news to you too. Trashed by having democrats and libruls on the grounds?

These people are down-home freaking crazy ....

They just want a "safety zone" for conservatives.

Friday, December 17, 2004

A Talk with a General

Today I had lunch with General Pendragon, head of the Pentagon Star Wars Program. He was very enthusiastic despite the fact that it has never worked, even when the tests are rigged to make it work.

"I have had to put up with a lot of grief from nay-sayers, scientists, and libruls about this great program to protect our homeland," he said. "They bitch and moan that the only way we have even come close to a sucessful test in 13 tries is to attach a transponder to the target, just like the commies would do."

"Think of the great things for the ecomony. We have guys pouring concete silos all over the west --- well OK -- six silos, but who is interested in those creaky old Titan solos in Kansas anyway -- we already know they are going to vote commie-red."

I asked him about the radar stations in Greenland to protect us from nukes from the Middle East. "Simple," he said, "Assama would love to get his hands on an armed ICBM -- and you can bet he would use it. And what about Saddam modifying those Scuds so they could fly 160 miles instead of the 140 they were designed for doing? There was a clear threat if I ever saw one. George Tenet said it was a "slam-dunk -- and look, he got a big shiny medal from the big man hisself."

I asked him if this was such a sure thing to spend $80 billion for so far, why, if I were a commie Chinese, or an evil Russian, I just wouldn't launch my missles to arrive from the south rather than the north, since all our radars are pointed north?

The Gen'rul said he was maxed out on his credit card and would I mind picking up the tab.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Play chess? -- go to jail

No one claims that chess savant Bobby Fisher is a guy who you would like to sit down with and have a few brewskies -- but neither is anyone in the US government.

Fisher who presently has a US arrest warrant issued for him, and is in jail (or maybe house arrest in Japan), for --- well -- playing chess, is somewhat pissed off. I don't blame him

Seems as though there is a problem with where the US government gumshoes want you to play chess. The old Yugoslavia is an example.

So Iceland has stepped to the plate to bail the US out of this embarrassing situation by offering Fisher a permanent visa. "He can play all the chess he wants, with whoever he wants, in our Free Country", said an Icelandic Lege. "This is not the attitude of many goverments around the world."

Hey Bobby ... can you tell us exactly where the sun don't shine on the King's pawn? That's George for everyone else, George III.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Linguistic hillbillies at the Pentagon

I hear it all the time now. Some general will say not that we have found a cache of weapons, but a cachet of weapons.

We don't expect military men to be whizzes at grammer -- shoot, read a press relase from them --- but at least they should know that cachet is a French word (I am sure they know that) ...

A seal on a document, such as a letter.

A commemorative design stamped on an envelope to mark a postal or philatelic event.
A motto forming part of a postal cancellation.

A kind of wafer capsule formerly used by pharmacists for presenting an unpleasant-tasting drug.

Down south a cachet is a bowl of scented soap, or an amulet worn around the neck to ward off evil influences such as vampires.

I am waiting to hear them say that they sasheted to the cashet. How manly and fierce of them.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Some people are too stupid to be in business

Bass Pro Shops ... the mecca of dead animals in a "museum", hillbilly kisch, redneck trinkets, and Ozark Arts, made out of Cedar wood, has a really neat idea.

Since they can't hold up the city for anymore public funds after the last fisaco with the Dead Animal Museum, they are going to try getting some money out of the state of Missouri.

How?? .. funny you should ask.

By reducing the sales taxes on Bass Boats of course. Something that is really vital to the lives of most people in the world.

Reduce sales taxes on food? Not a chance.

Reduce sales taxes on clothing? Ya' gotta' be kiddin".

Reduce taxes on utility and telephone bills?? HAHAHAHAHAHA ...

Bass boats? Damn bettcha'. This is something that will help a really rich creep sell more stuff.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Oops .. well, sorry about that

It seems that some passenger who boarded a flight -- one of over 100 possibilities -- is going to have a little surprise when he opens his luggage to find a half pound of RDX plastique explosive.

He will wind up in Assama bin Asscroft's detention center to be tortured until he confesses. That is until the crack gumshoes at airport security read the newspapers.

Seems as though the French flatfoots put the explosive in a passenger's baggage as a "test" of their airport security .... and then managed to lose the luggage.

Never mind, they say, after enough explosive got on an airliner to bring it down -- "It's no more dangerous than a chocolate bar".

Right ... and your name is Cleuseau -- right?

Naw -- even the good inspector wouldn't have screwed up this bad ... plus, he always won in the end ... they won't.

Friday, December 03, 2004

This is soooooooooooo cheezy

That my pal Ron Davis will love it.

Penn Jilette ... the big and noisy half of the magic act ... gets married. And there is a videotape to boot ... watch the entire hilarious episode on

Penn ... congrats, buddy ... you have absolutely outdone yourself with this one .....

ID -- neither Intelligent nor Design

The following was reported by Anne O'Reilly on Prof Vic Stengers AVOID-L discussion list.

Intelligent design has distinctly evolutionary nature By Barbara Forrest and Paul R. Gross The intelligent design movement is evolving, and it is happening in much the same way as natural selection shapes biological species.
Intelligent design, or ID, is being shaped by opportunities its proponents encounter as they try to promote ID as a science in the public mind and in public schools. Flip through the Discovery Institute's Center for Science and Culture's document titled the "Wedge Strategy," and you will find a plan "to replace [materialistic science] with a science consonant with Christian theistic convictions." ID proponents call themselves "the Wedge" and they developed this strategy 12 years ago; their efforts since provide ample opportunity to observe the evolution of their movement

The brain's activity key factor to belief in God By Michael A. Persinger
The experience of a sentient being is an integral component of human cognition and feeling. Experimental evidence indicates this common - although usually brief - experience, which is often attributed to God or some variant cultural label, is a product of the human brain. Because all experience is generated by brain activity and brain activity is controlled by genetic expression, either acquired or modified by experience, one might expect to find a God gene.

How timid is the media??

Plenty timid ... and hypocrits to boot.

Run segments of beheadings .. that's OK.

Make tons of money out of filming war, death, destruction and chaos in Iraq?? We love it.

Play sleazy campaign commercials. Hey ... that's from the Bush Family Evil Empire.

Ads for hard-ons? In great taste ... I am waiting for my four hour woodie ... so is my girlfriend.

But an ad from the United Church of Christ advocating tolerence? Jesus never advocated such a thing!! Keep dem fairies, coons, ragheads, wetbacks, and christ-killers out of my church.

Read the slimy story here.

It's the Christ-mas season. Time for glutonous consumerism and getting rich.