Why I Hate Women's Sports

Happy Tsar Bomba Day

Tsar Bomba (Russian: Царь-бомба, literally "Emperor-bomb") is the Western name for the largest, most powerful nuclear weapon ever detonated or built. Developed by the Soviet Union, the bomb of about 50 megatons was codenamed Ivan (Russian: Иван) by its developers.

The bomb was tested on October 30, 1961 in Novaya Zemlya, an island in the Arctic Sea. The device was scaled down from its original design of 100 megatons to reduce the resulting nuclear fallout.

For more info and some pics go HERE ....

Trick or Treat !

Oh, Good Gawd, Paris !!!

What is that thing? It's either a stolen cornstalk stand from a farmer's field for your halloween costume, or is the skin of a flamingo. Or maybe both...

(And speaking of skin ... oh, never mind...)

And that really kewl guy with you? Honey, you are rich. You can do whatever you want to do.

Find a date that doesn't wear a 1950's zoot suit, tucks his shirt in, shaves, and is sober.

Please,

Love,
Dad

VD(J): Telling the Big Lie for Jesus

Watch this spot later to hear clips from the 6 AM hour on Stem Cell Research and Michael J. Fox.

Incidentally, one of the Minutepussies was whining on his show about how they were "ambushed" on talk radio by the host. Suprise, suprise, sergeant!!

Minutepussie says he need a Hispanic "tool" to join up.

US Moves to Protect Its Citizens

As reported by Peter, HERE ............

The USA has banned Vegemite! Is this the thanks Australians get for jumping feet-first into Iraq, allowing one of our citizens to be held at Guantanamo Bay in violation of Magna Carta, eating McDonalds, buying second-hand Abrams tanks and letting a Ford win our major motor race? It's just as well that Australians are a tolerant bunch or there would be smoking ruins of Yank consulates across the wide brown land. Perhaps we should boycott American products, such as those made by Kraft. Wait a minute ...

National Mole Day

Remember, a mole is not a marmot, although occasionally a marmot can be a mole. And we are not talking about guacamole, upper molars, or VD(J)'s control patrol. Nor is it a troll, lurking under a barber pole, eating a sweet roll, wondering why he didn't insist his girfriend take birth control.

On the whole, a mole is like that poor soul on radio, who tried to take a minor role in politics and wound up in the toilet bowl.

No -- a mole is a measurement in Chemistry. First determined by a guy by the name of Avagadro (more related to guacamole), on this date. If you take the atomic number of an element (hydrogen = 1, carbon = 12, gold =86), and collect together the same number of grams of that substance, all three piles will contain exactly the same number of atoms.

A lot of atoms. 6.02 times 10 to the 23d power -- 602 followed by 21 zeros.

So every 10/23 from 6:02 AM until 6:02 PM Mole Day is officially celebrated.

There -- doesn't that warm your heart and soul?

Desdovina, The Eternal Light, Does a Classic Funny on VD(J)

Turn on your speakers first, and then go HERE ....

Of Course, Someone got a pic of VD Calling Chuckles

Photos of VD(J) Thinking of His Name

Obviously the first is a picture of VD(J) at a Minutepussy's meeting protesting the Mayor, all dem' wetbacks, and recruiting members of the Guardian Angels.

The second is just a snapshot taken by Chuckles-Chuckie Wooten outside the KWTO studios where he just left an application for cart-filer and memory jogger of "How I was a lib'rul radio host".

VD(J) Says Elderly Bald Men Threaten Wifey

I didn't hear this except for about 100 emails, and I'm searching desperately for a sound clip.

Chuckles Wooten on crap-radio KWTO was entertaining the goobers, over 70's, and retarded this morning on his show. Now I realize that Chuckles is on the up-slope of the IQ bell curve but he is also elderly. He got a phone call from his competition, to wit: VD(J), who accused him over the air of threatening Ms VD. Here is a copy of an email I got:

Did you listen to morningline this morning? I read what you have written about V D Jerricho on your blog. This morning Chuck said something about V D Jericho and V D Jericho was the last caller on morningline this morning. He told Chuck that he (Chuck) was putting his wife in danger because he said that V D Jericho didn't use his real name.

Well, well, well ... you don't suppose that VD is so ashamed of his assumed name that he is listed in the phone book as his real name, VD Shit'n'crap, do you?

If VD had the guts to get into the ring with an 85 year old, which I doubt, since Mr Mt. Vernon is still looking for him to corner him inside the ropes and make him honor his promise. I'd be surprised.

Thanks to Anon ... you can listen to it HERE .....

Honor? Did I actually say honor and VD(J) in the same post?

I'll do the Xtian thing and forgive him for this morning. He was drunk.

Don't Burn Books - Shoot Them

This is typical of the American gun nut. A guy is running for the school superintendant of Oklahoma --- Oklahoma? --- Of course, he is one of the smarter ones.

His platform. Children can be protected by crazed gunmen by books. And since he is a scientist he has to test his idea by blowing up a whole bunch of ammo.

What I found amusing was his first victim was a calculus book. Bad choice. That has to be the densest object known to mankind.

Read the story and watch a goober HERE ....

We should start shipping books to Americans in Iraq.

American Business Ain't So Smart

We sent people to the moon and got lucky and didn't kill anyone.

We have figured out how to harness powerful biological forces to treat disease.

We can now see inside an exploding star, which outshines an entire galaxy of stars.

Then why --- oh, gawd -- why, can't a formerly fine American Company, with a huge team of engineers, like Black and Decker, build a coffee pot that doesn't dribble a mess of coffee all over your counters and floor.

The genius of "free enterprise"?

Shit ....

The "King" Pisses off Another Large Group

The "King" or is it "Queen", of talk radio VD(J) consistently refers to 18 year olds as "children". This must come as a surprise to the parent of that dead 18 year old marine that Vince is all in favor of killing children.

What Would Jesus Do?

What would Jenna Drink?

He also says that in Canada they don't have "children" in bars.

VD apparently is more anile than I thought. An 18 year old can buy a beer in Canada.

But too bad he didn't have a Drury student to pick on with the "Vince is a Victim", and Doc Meng "I am Better Than Thou", schtick this morning. The student is obviously smart enough not to deal with radio idiots.

Doc means necktie

A dog collar? ... Woof, woof, Doc Laura

At the blookers meet-up tonight there were doubters that Doc Laura Slesinger, the radio national scold and conscious, or morality, ever took her clothes off.

Well, the answer is yes. As a matter of fact.

As a matter of fact Doc Meng(ela) as I prefer to call her, not only took her clothes off for a shower ... she did it for you ... that's you .. the friendly readers of this blog, to show you what a sexy wicked witch really looks like.

So you can go here to see the whole series... but I warn you there is some awful and ugly nude and revealing pictures here of a Repubican better-than-thou.

But that's our repug friend Doc Meng alright.

Doc, how could you? What will the children think?

Repugly Straterigism for 2006

Boogers Meet-Up

Tonight at the Patton Alley Pub. Andy is out of town so if you want to hear the gossip, and there should be some really juicy gossip tonight, ya' gotta' be there or you are nowhere.Maybe even Jabba the Hun will show up. It's a good place to hide out from the county deputy dawgs with "show cause" warrants.

VD(J) Headed to Jail for Contempt

I will have the clips up when he finishes his rant about how he is a victim of a Stone County Judge who has a contract out on him.

We can take up a collection to buy him a candy bar and some hair mousey from the commissary.

I am sure that the meth bikers who will be his bunk partners will enjoy him to the max.

White House Mocks Evangelicals

A former senior presidential aide has accused the Bush administration of using evangelical Christians to win votes but then privately ridiculing them once in office. The allegations by David Kuo, the former deputy director of the White House office of faith-based initiatives, come at a devastating time, when the administration is counting on born-again Christians to vote in sufficient numbers to save the Republicans' hold on Congress in the November elections.

"National Christian leaders received hugs and smiles in person and then were dismissed behind their backs and described as ridiculous, out of control, and just plain goofy," Mr Kuo wrote, according to MSNBC television, which obtained an early copy of the book. In particular, he quotes Karl Rove, the president's long-serving political adviser and mentor, as describing evangelical Christians as "nuts".

Read the whole review, by Julian Borger, of the book HERE ...

New Republican Ethics Rule

Nobody can be held responsible for "stuff".

Ah, Paris, What Happened t'Ye

I remember when you were that bouncy two-year old. Sitting in daddy's lap, telling me all about that imaginary friend who visited you last night and what words of wisdom she imparted.

And now my little girl can't even remember to put on her dress before she goes out clubbing. Here, I give her a loooooong limo, a camera that takes videos in low light, a nice place to live, and look at what happens. You get all tanked and cranked and make me sorry I have those porn channels in all the hotel rooms.

Honey -- you need to be more careful. Check out that guy over to the side -- the one with the trenchcoat. He is either on his way to a high school with a commie rifle under there, or he's getting ready to show you something that daddy warned you about.

My darlin' ... go eat a Big Mac -- I'll buy. Pig out on some Pappy's Place barbeque. Buy a pair of stone-washed,faded jeans with holes in them ... anything. Put a flower in your hair, ask the hangers on around you for a dollar to put in the jukebox -- cripes, anything.

And jeeezzzzzzeeee ... put on a coat. All that cold air is going to make you puffy.

Remember, if you arn't a nice girl they may take away your tax break.

655,000 Dead: Is that Enough George?

Today, the top medical Journal in Europe, Lancet, will publish a paper authored by an international team of epidemiological experts identifying the deaths in Iraq since we occupied the country.

Bush was asked about it this morning and he cavalierly waved it off with a shrug, and a comment that the "methodology was flawed."

The idea that Bush understands squat about the methodology is just tooooo laughable. But just for your edification, it is the standard methodology that the US government uses to estimate deaths from war, natural disaster, and there was a special twist to this one that gives the truth of the findings great power.

Teams of physicians spread out over Iraq interviewed randomly selected neighborhoods and ask if they had family members who have been killed during the occupation. Using standard epidemiological analysis a total number then could be calculated for the entire country. But here is the kicker.

At the end of the interview, for those that answered "yes" they had a family member killed, they asked if they had any proof such as a death certificate. In over 90% of the people who answered yes, they also had a death certificate, which listed cause of death as things like "gunshot wound".

655,000

That's the blood on OUR hands right now.

Thanks George for making America look so good.

VD(J) is the Antichrist

This morning VD the Betty Bowers of Springfield, got all pissy at a caller who asked him who he should judge when his much beloved Bible when it comes to politics, but totally ignored bible in his life says, judge not.

VD demanded to know where the bible said that! Damn you for making me, the manly manly-woman, look like a fool.

So VD dust off your holy word and read this:


Matthew 7:1
Judge not, that ye be not judged.
Luke 6:37
Judge not, and ye shall not be judged.
Romans 2:1
Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.
James 4:12
Who art thou that judgest another?

But VD says he needs to inspect some fruits. As in, by thier fruits ....

HAHAHAHA .. lawdy .... make him stop ... please ... I can't get my breath.... I'm turning blue......

Since shimmy-shimmy ko-ko pouf decided not to include this tidbit in his podcast, I will let you listen to it HERE ...

Crooks and Capitalists Flee Tiawan

Here is how this North Korea bomb thingy will end:

(a) There ain't diddly squat that we can do about it. We are tapped out militarily and financially. The Bush administration has created so much hatred and distrust in the world that no one will support us if they even wanted to...

(b) So the only country that can spank them is China. And they ain't interested as long as they can bleed us even more than they are doing.

(c) China wants Tiawan back.

(d) So, a deal will be cut. If China will take care of N. Korea for us. We will not object to taking Tiawan back to the homeland.

I want the airline concession for flying out all the crooks that have prospered in Tiawan, and are now staring at being lined up against the wall.

Listen closely Israel. You are next.

North Korea Tests Nuke

I have to admit. I didn't think the crazy little bastard would actually do it. But apparently he did, about 8:30 our time.

Also apparently it has been confirmed by seismic observations.

Now the ball is on our side of the court and there ain't much we can do about it. We can't stop them and we have no military left to make any sort of credible threat.

I need to think this one out.

You can bet your sweet ass that Japan will build nukes now.

Ig Nobel Prizes Awarded

The Nobel Prizes are dribbled out during the month of October. The year the prize for Medicine and Physiology was awarded to Fine and Mello for their very important work on gene repression by double-stranded RNA. This is a key discovery in how to make things such as stem cell therapies work. It was well deserved.

The Nobel Prize carries a cash award of $1.3 million.

And also at Harvard, the Ig Nobel prizes are awarded. The prize is a set of Groucho glasses/nose/mustache, a Harpo wig, and a badly stained labcoat.

Actually, this is just for fun, and even the winners usually show up at the awards ceremony to give a talk and participate in the fun. Usually the winners are chosen from the titles of their papers, such as this year's, "Why don't Woodpeckers Get headaches?"

Actually, these are worthy indeed of asking the question and finding an answer. It may not be as important as talking about double-stranded RNA, but is is one of those curiosities of nature that a curious scientist will ask.

For a list of this year's winners go HERE ......

The Identity of 417Pundit

He hit the net like a whirlwind on the 9th of July. He promised to expose the logical errors and poor research by local bloogers. Unfortunately, he got off to a bad start. From the very first his criticism has consisted of silly critiques of style, spelling errors and typos, and other such trivial crap.

This "learned" and eructating pundit occasionally would admit that his favorite source was the World Book Encyclopedia, or The Elements of Style, a laughing stock among linguists. GeoffreyK. Pullum, author of The Cambridge Grammar of the English Language,refers to Elements as "that toxic little book of crap." A learned man would know this: calling yourself, "learned", is a lot like calling yourself "kewl". If you have to do it -- you probably arn't.

SGF bloggers reactions ranged from amusement (me), to annoyance, to mild anger at such trivial stuff. So we started guessing who was responsible. Early on, we decided that he was one of us (and we were certain it was a "he" right from the very beginning), because he knew stuff that you couldn't glean from listening to Andy's podcasts. So the guessing game was on. The CHATTEismist-guy thought it was me. I accused Granny Geek. Everybody accused the Snarling Marmont, just on principal if nothing else.

So no suprise that Andy from Rhetorica announced last night that he had figured it out -- and damn if I didn't think he was right. And then as Duane, Larry and Byron were mosying out they stopped by to give us the right answer and show how smart guys can fool themselves.

But they did it by intuition. Intuition is nice if you are a psychic who wants to get on the Art Bell Show, but still not very reliable. But all of a sudden Andy realized there was a quantitative way to positively ID the Pundit. Very smart guy that Andy --

If you go to the Rhetorica site on the right sidebar you will find a find a link to "Critical Meter" after you click that, click the link "computer assisted text analysis".

There, you will find the basics of an algorythm to ID an unknown writer from the writing alone. I had heard of this being used by cops, but hadn't really paid much attention, since it is a multivariant analysis and science types just get real sweaty thinking of multivarient analyses. (Cops even use remote viewers and dowsers when they are desperate to solve a crime, so science itself can be pretty sadly lacking in cop-work). But as you find out more the better this one looks.

You can take writing where you know the author and compare it to an unknown author and that's what Andy did.

Our original guess, based on some quotes and stuff from 417Pundit did not match. However, another blooger did match -- almost perfectly.

We have had our collective chains jerked -- royally.

We have been hosed -- in a very clever way.

And I am pissed because I didn't think of it first.




So at the boogers meeting on Oct. 17th I will be the first to buy a beer, and call for a standing ovation for .......... DocLarry.

Note to 417 Punt-it

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.

You may look like an idiot and write like an idiot but don't let that fool you. You really are an idiot.

You always find yourself lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory

Boogers Meet-up Tonight

Don't forget ... Patton Alley Pub at 7-ish....

Bring your most disgusting WalMart story to pass along to the CHATTERismist-guy.

Andy at Rhetorica needs all the emails of the SGF blogging folks. If you didn't get an email from him today he doesn't have yours -- pass it along.

Anna and the Jock

I have been around Bartcop.com's humor for about ten years now. I have always thought he had a stroke of genius. But I thought he had started to lose a little of his edge over the past few years. And today he comes up with this and proves me wrong.

-------------------------------

Anna Nicole Smith gets Married? Sounds like a bad ABC Movie

Link

Excerpt: Anna Nicole Smith married her attorney H.K. Stern, Thursday in the Bahamas. The wedding was 18 days after the death of her son. Somebody claimed that Anna and Howard married while sailing on a white boat off the coast of Nassau.

This smells like blackmail. I can sniff blackmail a mile away.

Who ever thought there'd be two Howard Sterns, and the lesbian-spanking shock jock would be the decent one?

Talk Radio Spin on Foley

VD(J) and a Yard Sign

It's like Jim Stafford says to his audience. After the show be sure to drop by Andy William's theater and steal a shrub.

For a $50 dollar prize if you find the political yard sign with Jericho's name on it and rip it up you can be a good republican in Springfield without even having to touch a Doug Harpool sign.

There are going to be clues as to the location of the sign, so says VD.

He will personally give out the first clue at the local Al Shoot-em-up-with-a-.50cal gun shop.

Does anyone see the irony? VD(J) giving out a clue?

He says he will borrow it from the CHATTERsimist-guy.

Kip Hawley is an Idiot

Who is Kip Hawley? And why does he need to get a clean set of Fruit of the Loins?

Read about it HERE .....

"Hello Mudda'" -- from Camp Jesus

http://satiricalpolitical.com/?p=330

Hello Muddah, I’m in pieces
Here I’m stuck at, Camp for Jesus
Camp is really, like a prison
And they’re just about to do an exorcism

Six a.m., blowin’ reveille
Class at ten, Study “Devilry”
Kids all screaming, top of their lungs …
Can’t understand them since they speak in ancient tongues

All the counselors, hate the Jews
And the Muslims, Confucius too
And the coaches, for sports like soccer
Say they never want to deal with a Macaca

Don’t worry ’bout me, though I’m homesick
And my scalp has, just a few ticks
But there’s one problem, that I can’t fix …
My bunkmate’s forehead has a hu-mongous “666″

Take me home,
I’m, falling to pieces
Christ Almighty, I hate Camp Jesus
This is worse than, nightmare fiction
For the play I drew short straw for Crucifixion


Take me home, I’ll, be a good boy
Clean my room, not, touch my own toy
These fanatics, just can’t stand them
One day here seems like a whole goddamn millenium

Dearest Mother, Dearest Father
Boot camp and Anbar, would be less bother
Come and save me, come to my aid
Color War at camp is called the next Crusade

Wait a minute, they’re serving hot fudge
If you defame, a liber-al judge
And if you beat up, a homo queer
You’re a cinch to lock up Camper of the Year!