I've Been Tagged -- Oh, Lawd !!

Just after I get finished ragging Apricot Pitt for her smart-assed answers to the four memes. I get tagged by none other than the KN@PPSTER. He is STILL sore at me about losing those bets.

(Incidentally Richard Dawkins is gonna' sue someone for stealing his meme idea.)

1. Four Jobs I’ve Had
• Autopsy assistant
• Ambulance Driver
• Teacher
• Growing bacteria and viruses

2. Four movies I could watch over and over
• Blazing Saddles
• Any Peter Sellers flick
• Cat Balleau
"Paint Your Wagon" showing the singing talents of Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood

3. Four places I’ve lived
• Springfield, MO
• Ann Arbor, MI
• San Fransisco, CA
• New Orleans, LA

4. Four TV shows I love
• M*A*S*H*
• Cheers
• The opening of Wide World of Sports
• Twilight Zone

5. Four places I’ve vacationed
• Korat Royal Thai AFB, Thailand
• Shell Knob, Missouri
• Paris
• Petofsky, MI

6. Four of my favorite dishes
• Anything made at a joint named "Mom's"
• #5 at the Korea House (I can't spell or pronounce it)
• Macaroni and Cheese
• Ham and Lima Beans C-rats

7. Four sites I visit daily
• Pharangula
• Respectful Insolence
• Chatter
• KN@PPSTER (Hell, the SOB tagged me, it's the least I can do!)


8. Four places I’d rather be right now
• Angelina
• Jolie's
• Womb
Alternate: Looking at the photos on
alt.binaries.pictures.royal-family.necrophilia

9. Four books I love
• Hell's Angels
• Any W. E. B. Griffith
• Catch 22
• The Elegant Universe
Also: Prof Vic Stenger's "Has Science Found God:..." but only because my name leaks into the book.

10. Four video games I could play over and over
At my age and with cataracts!!! Ya' gotta' be kiddin'

Does Pong count??

Apricot Pitt Kicks Ass and Takes Names...

We have all seen it going around the blogs ... some so-called friend of yours on a blog "tags" you to answer questions of a highly personal nature, "The Four Things ....?" Can anyone intrepret: Get off my personal case, asshole, and go play with Jacko the Whacko.

Well, the Fetus, Apricot Pitt, got tagged. And responded in her sassy style with an answer:

See it HERE ... and then go buy a gun.

News:

In moving this blog to www.curbstonecritic.com I have discovered one thing.

If you have to buy a book called, Blogging for Dummies, and it is 200 pages long.....

You're in trouble ....

Back to More Poo Flinging

There are several blogs written by biologists which are joys to read. Some of them you can find in the sidebar - which thanks to Blogspot is now the bottom bar in my blog - blogs such as Pharnygula, Panda's Thumb and Respectful Insolence (OK, he's a surgeon and not expected to know much biology, but he muddles along so well that I have to include him).

One of my favs is Pooflingers Anonymous. Matt took a couple of months off to recharge his blog batteries, but now heeeeeeee'sssss baaaaaaaaacccckkkk. And he promises to kick butt of the cretinists and talk about stuff out in the woods that bite, sting or molest.

If you go there be sure to take the time to read his series on The Hovind Files: Lying for Jesus .. .how he actually sat thru it all is astounding ... I wouldn't have the patience.

Helping a Fellow Blogger

Many others who write blogs would never be noticed were it not for friends who help them advertise their blogs with links, quotes, or just plain theft.

So it is with my discovery of a previously unknown blooger from Taos New Mexico, (who claims to know buDDy -- but I know buDDy has more class), who writes under the nome de plume, Dave baRRy. Here is one of his takes. I hope he appreciates that I give him free advertising. Perhaps it will help his career plans.

But the point is, I am not personally in Turin. Nevertheless, I have prepared the following guide of Winter Olympic Events to Watch:

FIGURE SKATING: In this dramatic and demanding sport, competitors must perform difficult skating maneuvers while dressed as swans and wearing enough makeup to spackle a four-bedroom house.

And those are the men.

Judges enter their scores into a computer, which calculates the results using an objective scientific formula, after which the Russians always win because they CHEAT.

BIATHLON: This fun sport was invented by the Norwegians, often called ''The Yuckmeisters of Western Scandinavia.'' Rifle-toting competitors ski for a while, then shoot at targets, then ski some more, then shoot some more, then ski some more, then shoot some more, then ski some more, then shoot some more and so on until France surrenders.

THE LUGE: Competitors wearing Spider-Man costumes lie on their backs on tiny sleds and go down the bobsled run. The ones who survive (about 8 percent) are tested for drugs. If they don't contain any, they are declared legally insane.

THE SKELETON: This is the same as the luge, except competitors go headfirst. The medal winners stand on a special ''booster'' podium because when they cross the finish line and hit the stopping barrier, their bodies are compressed to the height of a Pringles can.

CROSS-COUNTRY CURLING: In this grueling sport, competitors, using brooms to clear the way, race to see who can be the first to slide a heavy stone across Italy.

SKI-JUMPING WITH CELEBRITIES: This is a new sport, introduced this year to boost TV ratings. Competitors are sent down the ski-jump ramp, often leaving deep grooves for the entire length with their fingernails, then soar into space, where they encounter gravity. The heavily favored U.S. team consists of Erik Estrada, William Shatner, Nicole Richie, Lieutenant Uhura from Star Trek and the naked guy from Survivor.

BROKEBACK BOBSLED: This is another new sport, about which little is known, other than that, according to International Olympic Committee President Jacques Rogge, it ``involves sheep.''

Of course these are just a fraction of the Winter Olympics highlights. There will be plenty of other action in events such as the 500 meters, the 750 meters, the 1,000 meters, the 1,250 meters, the 1,300 meters, the 1,325 meters, and the 1,325.874 meters, to name just a few of the more exciting lengths. NBC is planning 17,000 hours of coverage, and you will not want to miss a single minute.

So strap yourself into your Barcalounger and enjoy the show!

Deadeye Dick and VERY Lucky Harry

My pal Doc Baratz sez this: he recognizes there there are a lot of unanswered questions out there. Dick-Dick is not interested in answering them and the crack White House Press Corps is not interested in asking them.

We are left with the fact that the victim appeared in public with wounds on his right side (neck and face).

The drawing by the Texas game warden showed the left in one drawing and the right in the other, suggesting that he never saw the victim in person, or he can't tell right from left, twice, and inconsistently.

If the victim was shot on the right, as his wounds suggest, I can't figure how a pellet could have gotten into his left heart and ultimately the coronary circulation, or, for that matter, to his left chest at all, unless he was nearly facing forward, with his neck turned to the left. Even so, at 30 yards the spread of the shot should not be so tight, as your man has suggested. Thus the question of how far away he was when he was shot.


The business of only telling the local press the next day was specious.
Bush's comments are carefully framed to say nothing.

As a former ER doc the whole thing smells like dead fish.

Someone should put this up on the blogs.

Done Doc ... maybe someone will pay attention.....

Curbstone Critic will be moving

This is to let everyone know in advance that I will be moving to THIS SITE www.curbstonecritic.com.

It's going to take me some time to figure out how to do it and test the site. However, some really good things are in store. There will be more sound clips, more detailed blogs with features that allow easier reading of quotations, and how they fit into contex ... maybe even a video or two.

For those old-timers who remember Marc Perkel here in town, his CTyme server will be the host. Marc has a really good deal on hosting, so if you are as tired of the limitations of Blogspot as I am, get hold of Marc. They were good for a start, but you outgrow them.

So, you can go there now - it's a blank template - and bookmark it. Up until I get going this site will continue in my usual goofy way.

A Thought for Sunday

The whack Christians in the fundie churches tell me today that Jesus suffered a horrible death for ME.

ME???!!!

Clearly a man with a sense of humor. I would have probably liked him.

But he went thru torture for ME??? And he wasn't even at Abu Garaib???

Kewl guy, I must admit... almost al kewl as when he denounced the current trend of those that adopt HIS name in the persuit of power, money and influence.

Try HERE....

Hillbilly Bush Voters Think Democracy Sucks

Listen to a call to Chuck Wooten (R-MailCarrierMemphis) on local whack radio HERE.

Republican Fiscal Responsibility

Number of Pork Projects in Federal Spending Bills

2005 - 13,997
2004 - 10,656
2003 - 9,362
2002 - 8,341
2001 - 6,333
2000 - 4,326
1999 - 2,838
1998 - 2100
1997 - 1,596
1996 - 958

Help needed!!!

As you can see Blogspot decided to move my sidebar down to the bottom of the page. I don't have the foggiest how to correct it ... blogspot help isn't.

Suggestions most welcome....

Deadeye's Story Develops Holes

According to The Chimp: I am satisfied that the Veeps explaining how is explanation is explained is a satisfactory explanation. Therefore we won't have any more explaining to do of his explanation and get on to explaning other things. Oh, and by the way Dick-Dick you done a hekka' good job on September 11th when Saddam terrored us. Or the evil ones. Or whoever.

Harry Whittington Shooting Ballistics Tested, Cheney shot at Whittington from 15 feet not 90 as claimed ..........................

(excerpt)We used three cameras to film the test, two were fixed at different angles to the targets, the other was used to film Alex shooting the shotgun. In our group we had Raymond, a former NASA contract engineer from the Apollo program with prior service in the Air Force to make sure the measurements were correct. Another in our team was Karl, a former Airborne Infantrymen, M.P., weapons and self-defense instructor, and former law enforcement, to explain the nature of shot trajectory and wound ballistics. And finally there was Ryan and I on the cameras.

The first thing we did was to measure out 90 feet or 30 yards from where we were to set-up the various targets. We erected man sized torso targets for the shots from 90 feet, 30 feet, 15 feet, and 10 feet. We also made shots from both barrels. The first shot was from 90 feet into the paper target on a cardboard backing, this gave a spread of approximately 7 ½ feet. Rule of thumb, you get 1 inch of spread for every 10 feet of distance away from the barrel.

Most of the pellets were lodged in the cardboard with a few completely penetrating the 1/8 of an inch cardboard. The next shot involved the latex torso dummy we brought, he was dressed in two layers of clothing, a sweater and a shirt. Mr. Whittington was reported to be wearing 3 layers. Again this shot was from 90 feet, most of the shot that hit the target were caught in the fibers of the clothing, a few actually penetrated through both layers, but these were extremely shallow and could be picked out with your fingers or tweezers. The same goes for the neck and face, if the pellets hit at any sort of an angle if would they simply bounce off.

The next shots were taken at 30 feet in case Cheney and his goons were to come out with a correction from yards to feet.

This yielded a spread that was more than 2 feet in diameter, still at
least twice as wide as the Texas Park and Wildlife Hunting
Accident and Incident Report Form http://www.infowars.com/images2/us/0213061cheney2.jpg indicated.

We next took a shot from 15 feet or 5 yards (that’s half a first down). *The spread from this distance was approximately 8 to 10 inches. Imagine the sight picture you would see looking down the barrel from 15 feet. Mr. Whittington’s upper body would fill your vision, are we to believe that a bird flew between Mr. Whittington and Cheney, the bird would have had to be almost touching the end of the barrel.* The shot taken from 10 feet had a spread of around 6 inches. In both the 10 foot and 15 foot shots the holes made by the wad were significant. With the data from these distances and their corresponding spreads we feel comfortable in stating that Mr. Whittington was shot from a distance of between 15 and 18 feet. There is no confusing this distance with that of 90 feet.

So we have established the distance of the shot. Now we wanted to see if we could match the wound penetration. As I already stated the shots at the dummy torso from 90 feet had little to no effect. Alex then decided to shoot the game hen and the watermelon from 90 feet. The results of these shots were penetrations of 1 to 2 millimeters, this means they were just under the outer layer of skin. There was also evidence of impacts that bounced off, leaving black smudges on both targets. At shots taken from 30 feet slightly deeper penetrations, but nothing that went passed the most outer layers of the actual meat. The last shot was taken at the game hen from 15 feet and that shot yielded the kind of results that Mr. Whittington experienced, a tight cluster of pellet hits penetrating into the internal cavities of the body.

In Conclusion the Kenedy County Sheriffs department closed its investigation on Thursday February 16th, without ever even being allowed to conduct one. It was clear from day one that the Cheney and Rove spin machine were engaging in a cover-up. We don’t know the specifics of what they are covering up, but what we do know is 100% scientifically proven. Mr. Whittington was shot from 15 to 18 feet, not the 90 feet claimed by Cheney. They acted very suspiciously by declaring national security and ordering the Secret Service to keep the Sheriff from questioning Cheney for over 13 hours. They then Care-Flighted Mr. Whittington to a hospital that was further away while declaring his wounds to be minor and superficial. Care-flight is reserved for only the most critically wounded, but 22 hours after the shooting incident they announced to the world that his wounds were minor, telling us he was sitting up in bed and cracking jokes. In the meantime the hospital had already x-rayed his chest and catheterized his heart to shunt the massive internal bleeding. But for a day and a half afterwards Whitehouse Press Secretary Scott McClellan was denying it.

We know that Cheney is lying. He shot Mr. Whittington up-close and whatever the circumstance are they’re either more embarrassing or outright criminal than he’s willing to admit. Meanwhile the liberal press is attacking Cheney for all the wrong reasons and the straw-men they build will easily be toppled, unless the people stand-up and demand an examination of the real facts.


See it HERE:

Rosie Has Michelin Man's Baby

Workplace Safety

Thanks to Granny Geek. Link in the sidebar.

The Journalism Creed

How many can you think of that actually follow what is below? I can think of a half dozen or so ....




Journalist's Creed

This creed was written by Walter Williams (1864-1935), the man who founded the world's first school of journalism at the University of Missouri and perhaps contributed more toward the promotion of professional journalism than any other person of his time.


I believe in the profession of Journalism.

I believe that the public journal is a public trust; that all connected with it are, to the full measure of responsibility, trustees for the public; that acceptance of lesser service than the public service is a betrayal of this trust.

I believe that clear thinking, clear statement, accuracy and fairness are fundamental to good journalism.

I believe that a journalist should write only what he holds in his heart to be true. I believe that suppression of the news, for any consideration other than the welfare of society, is indefensible.

I believe that no one should write as a journalist what he would not say as a gentleman; that bribery by one's own pocket book is as much to be avoided as bribery by the pocketbook of another; that individual responsibility may not be escaped by pleading another's instructions or another's dividends.

I believe that advertising, news and editorial columns should alike serve the best interests of readers; that a single standard of helpful truth and cleanness should prevail for all; that supreme test of good journalism is the measure of its public service.

I believe that the journalism which succeeds the best-and best deserves success-fears God and honors man; is stoutly independent; unmoved by pride of opinion or greed of power; constructive, tolerant but never careless, self-controlled, patient, always respectful of its readers but always unafraid, is quickly indignant at injustice; is unswayed by the appeal of the privilege or the clamor of the mob; seeks to give every man a chance, and as far as law, an honest wage and recognition of human brotherhood can make it so, an equal chance; is profoundly patriotic while sincerely promoting international good will and cementing world-comradeship, is a journalism of humanity, of and for today's world.

Why the lottery is a Stupid Bet

Last night the multi-state Powerball Lottery had a grand prize of $300 million dollars.

If you lived in Missouri the chances of you winning ANYTHING was 2.5%

Bets placed: 125,627
Bets that won anything: 3,172

Welcome to the new tax system, sucker.

Fuddgate: Bubba' Responds to Veep

"That sum'bitch done went and head-shot the only Republican trial lawyer in Texas"

NOTE TO UNCA' DICK-DICK:

We gave you five (5) chances to go out and shoot people when it was important - during Vietnam. You found "other reasons" to turn us down. And now you want us to approve of you winging another fine Republican.

NOT!!!

BTW: Does anyone but me remember the chorus to the Nancy Sinatra song?

Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down.

Fuddgate: The Coverup

Bob Baratz, MD, DDS, Ph. D., found a copy of the game warden's accident report. It just doesn't make a ot of sense to anyone who knows left from right. Baratz's email is reproduced below:

The Violations cited to both Cheney and Widdington were for not having a "bird stamp"


Section 43.652

They would have us believe that the VP of the USA who is an avid bird hunter, and described in reports as hunting pheasant, ducks etc. doesn't know to get a special stamp on his license to allow him to hunt birds?

That, coupled with the alleged "right side" injury, but a drawing of the left side by the game warden leave one to doubt the facts as dribbled out.

If Widdington really was shot on the "right", how did it get to his heart (which is on the left), which would be on the far side of the body, and most protected. The bird shot went 30 yards, throught his heavy clothing, then got to his heart after passing through his entire right side? Huh?

And some of the press reports about his "heart attack" suggested a pellet (one of up to 200) at that range, got into a coronary artery, and then blocked it. At that range and from the opposite side of the body?

The text description says "right"

The two drawings are of different sides of the body. The front to back view shows the left side affected, but the lateral view shows the right side. Thus 2 of 3 parts of the report say, "right". Even if the game warden can't draw correctly,I would hope he does know right from left, .

Could it be the game warden never saw the victim? and all this info was supplied to him.

The accident report was neatly typed on the 13th, and faxed at 3:05 and 3:19 PM on that day (see top and bottom fax marks). There was thus plenty of time to get the facts straight. why aren't they straight?

As a former ER doc my nose says this has the air of fabrication about it.


RB

I concur, and last night as I was talking with old F-16 driver Wally Greer we thought the same thing, even without seeing this report. When I guessed that it sounded like he was struck from about the ear to the nipple line on the side of his body. This is exactly what the drawings show.

Awfully tight pattern for 30 yards with a shotgun with birdshot.

Also, why no pneumothorax? Did a pellet somehow penetrate the jugular or other large vein and was carried to the heart. The questions are many, the answers don't add up.

It ain't the crime that killed Richard Nixon, it was the coverup.

A copy of the report is posted here:

He shot a guy. Get over it.

So says a caller to my old pal Jim Bohannon on his show Tuesday night.

I'll get back to just how stupid a statement that is in a minute, but first:

Bohannon, who is a generally sensible guy says he doesn't understand what all the press fuss is about.

I was surprised myself. In normal times, with normal politicians this would be a running joke that would burn up the airwaves for a few days, the better jokes would last for a few years and no one would think much about it.

But these are not normal times and Dick Cheney is not a normal politician.

For five and a half years this White House has been ... well ... less than honest with us, the American public, and downright distainful and dismissive of the role of the Press. They lied about WMDs ... they lied about 9-11 ... they lied about what it was going to cost in Iraq ... they lied about Medicare ... they just forgot about New Orleans, so they didn't have to lie ... they trashed a 230 year-old document, called the Constitution, on the flimsiest of theories.

And the press sat there like turtles in the sun and let them do it.

And all of a sudden something like this comes up and the press wakes up long enough to realize that this was the little straw that shows which way the big wind is blowing. I doubt that those in the press who cover Washington can ever get my trust again, but all of a sudden they seemed to realize they have lost it.

And that caller to Bohannon's Show? What if it had been Bill Clinton who blasted a friend with a shotgun from 30 feet away, put him in intensive care now for 5 days, forgot to report it for hours, and then tried to hide it from the public until they finally send some woman from Texas out to a non-discript newpaper to tell the tale.

Oh ... yes, I forget .... what the right-wing has been whining about for years and years and years, Chappaquidick. The circumstances are weirdly similar.

And after today's performance by Simple Scotty McClelland in the Press Room of the White House I am reminded of an old show-biz term....

Flop sweat ....

Low Fuddgate Ahead: DUCK!!!!

This brings us, to nobody’s surprise, to Dick Cheney. Or, as the British press has taken up calling him, Duck Cheney.

Cheney shot at a quail and hit a lawyer instead. It’s not certain that he intended to do this. You can eat the quail, after all. And Republicans usually don’t shoot lawyers for the same reason that sharks won’t eat them: professional courtesy.

In any event, Duck Cheney managed to mix up a 165 pound lawyer dressed in orange for a ½ pound bird dressed in nondescript plumage, and bagged that sucker. Nailed him pretty good, too. Number 8 shot at 30 yards, and the sum'bitch is STILL in intensive care two days later. The NRA will have a job offer for Cheney if he ever leaves his position as vice-president.

Look, I’m not saying that old Texas law that it was legal to shoot a politician on sight, on the basis that the sum'bitch probably deserves it, was civilized or moral. I just think they should have thought it through before ditching it, is all.

Yeah, he’s still vice-President. Plugging a politician might be against the law in Texas, but in the GOP, plugging a lawyer is just one of those things. Boys will be boys.

Shooting quail is not exactly sporting. They have a series of defense mechanisms that work pretty well in nature when they have to escape from a predator, such as a retarded Samoyed dog, but which aren’t nearly as effective against a .28 gauge shotgun. Having a bunch of them burst out of the grass all at once making as much noise as possible does a good job of flummoxing a fox or a bobcat, and the bit where the mother pretends to be injured to lure predators away from her babies is a true marvel. (I got to see it one morning as I was walking the Samoyed mentioned above.) He was a gorgeous dog with shining white fur and bright eyes that totally belied the utter lack of any mental processes occurring behind said eyes. He would have made a great governor of California: he was dumb, white, and photogenic.

I saw a quail limping down the walkway in front of us. I stopped, and after a brief pause to strangle himself on the leash, so did my dog. I watched the quail stagger along, dragging a wing. Suddenly, six chicks darted across the walkway into a culvert. My faithful hound, engrossed in pondering the universe, managed to miss all this.

Momma bird continued to drag wing. Dog remained blissfully unaware. Bird got exasperated look on face, and cooed. Dog’s ears stood up. Bird clucked, loudly.

Dog finally caught on.

Owner got shoulder dislocated.

Mamma got away flying nicely on “broken wing, babies safe.

(Owner considered bringing shotgun on future walks so that, in event that such incident should occur again, owner could unshoulder shotgun and shoot the dog.)

Cheney and his buddies had been shooting quail from a vehicle. This is so unsporting that it’s banned in all public hunting areas.

In fact, such behavior is known as “poaching” in most public lands. Locally various law enforcement groups have decoys – quail and one fairly real-looking mechanized deer – that they put along the side of various state and county highways. After a while, some moron comes along and sees the decoys, and thinks “oh, easy shot.” You might think that it would be some toothless redneck moron in a 58 Chevy pickup, but in fact, it’s more likely to be an affluent suburbanite in a brand-spanking new Hum-vee. He shoots at the decoy, and grinning law enforcement offices emerge from bushes to tow chagrined big-game hunter away.

It isn’t just the fine and the inconvenience. It’s the humiliation. Among hunters, getting fooled by a decoy is subject to a certain amount of ridicule, say until the fourth generation after you’ve mercifully died.

Cheney, however, was hunting on private property, where such a tawdry practice is legal.

Cheney’s the type of guy whose idea of sportsmanship involves shooting kittens in a cardboard box. It’s why he’s done so well with the GOP.

There’s a lot about the story that doesn’t make sense. When you’re standing among several other people, as Cheney was, and you know people are behind you, as Cheney did, you don’t whip around and fire before you can see what you’re shooting at, as Cheney did.

Then, too, there is the question of what he was shooting at. The official report makes it clear there had been shooting several minutes earlier, and quail don’t like sudden loud noises. They tend to vanish over the horizon in a hurry. If there had been shooting moments before, there wouldn’t have been a quail for Cheney to shoot at.

Then there’s the matter that the cops declared that neither alcohol nor drugs were involved. I’ll bet the mortgage that Cheney wasn’t tested for either.

Well, there’s something we can thank the Republicans for. My girlfiend noted that during the Clinton years, during the great Clinton cock hunt, Republicans got the courts to agree that Secret Service agents could be subpoenaed and compelled to testify about the actions and malfeasances of their charges.

So if someone would be kind enough to get a judge to find probable cause and issue a warrant (non-Republicans still have to get warrants, it seems), then maybe we can subpoena the Secret Servicemen on duty that day and find out what they have to say under oath.

Oh, I don’t think Cheney shot the lawyer on purpose. He has people who can do that for him.

But I don’t think we have the full story there. Not by a long shot. Or even a short shot with buck.

Thanks for the help Zepp.

Fuddgate

That Fudd -- as in Elmer --you waskaly wabbit ---

Great white hunter extrordinaire -- and piggish to boot.

The news reports say that after Whittington had gotten off his shot and went looking for his bird, Cheney and the other hunter went to another spot where they saw a covey of quail. Texas quail might be different from Missouri quail, but in Missouri when a shotgun goes off, every quail within earshot gets the hell out of Dodge. The story doesn't make sense.

None of the stories have commented on the fact that they were "road hunting", or hunting from a car. That is just about the lowest kind of low-rent, dishonorable kind of hunting there is (the phrase "road hunting" is often used synonymously with "poaching"). When I was growing up in Missouri, I went pheasant or quail hunting on scores of occasions with my Dad and others. We never would have hunted from a vehicle and it was an insult to even suggest that someone might. It was considered dangerous and declasse, as it was too great an advantage for the hunter to be "fair". It most states, including Texas, it is also illegal: "It is unlawful to hunt from or by means of motor-driven vehicles and land conveyances or aircraft of any kind except paraplegics and single or double amputees of legs may hunt from stationary motor-driven vehicles or land conveyances." However, Texas exempts private property owners from the prohibition when they are on their own land and Cheney was with the property owner on his ranch.

But it is still really tacky.

Hunting quail in Texas requires an "Upland game bird stamp", which costs $7. This is a relatively new requirement, but I'll bet Cheney didn't have one.

The spin is that Whittington "came up from behind the Vice President", implying that he snuck up on him or was somehow partially responsible because Cheney didn't know he was there. When hunting, it is bad form to walk in front of someone's gun. When given a choice, one would always approach another hunter from behind.

Cheney has gotten negative press in the past for participating in "canned hunts" and a couple of years ago he got really negative press for going on a canned pheasant hunt in Pennsylvania where he got between 70 and 95 birds (depending on which report is to be believed). The typical daily limit in places like Iowa and South Dakota, where there are many more pheasants than Pennsylvania, is 3 or 5 per day and a possession limit of 15 or 20. To many of our milieu, hunting is hunting is hunting and the distinctions noted above aren't that big of a deal.

To hunters, these are important distinctions. Hunting regulations are strictly enforced in most states and every sixpack Joe knows he better abide by them or he'll get in trouble. Most hunters aren't affluent suede vest guys, they are working class guys within a couple of generations of agriculatural roots. The gluttony of shooting 70 pheasant in a day is almost impossible for them to comprehend. Focusing on the kill rather than the hunt is frowned upon. Killing more than you can eat is frowned upon. Canned hunts and that kind of over-indulgence is for the Rambo hunters, who are not thought highly of by the old-fashioned Izaak Walton league type of guys, like my Dad.

Present score:
Birds zero
Veep - one elderly, rich, white, Republican trial lawyer

Quote from Cheney: We are trying everything we can to solve the Social Security problem, everyone has to help out.

Dick-Dick on Attempted Murder

*Dick Cheney's top 10 excuses for shooting fellow hunter Harry Whittingto /

10. Sick and tired of Whittington's "Hey, I'm having a heart attack" jokes

9. Pushed over edge by Dixie Chicks and Streisand blasting on pick-up truck stereo

8. Ongoing dispute over whether it's acceptable to torture quail before shooting them

7. Thought he saw Scooter Libby on other side of tree line

6. Bombed out of his gourd on Wild Turkey and Lone Star Beer

5. Companion's ill-advised decision to wear Moveon.org sweatshirt

4. Was trying to impress Jodie Foster

3. Whittington's repeated ribbing that Bush is actually the "real president"

2. Targeting scope on rifle made by Halliburton

And the number one excuse given by Dick Cheney for almost blowing away hunting companion Harry Whittington...

1. Because he's a wartime vice president, damn it

Dick-Dick to Scoot-Scoot: Shut Up!

Cheney Shoots Fellow Hunter

By NEDRA PICKLER

Associated Press Writer Published February 12, 2006, 3:20 PM CST

WASHINGTON -- Vice President Dick Cheney shot and injured a man during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, his spokeswoman said Sunday. Harry Whittington, 78, was "alert and doing fine" after Cheney sprayed him with shotgun pellets on Saturday while the two were hunting at the Armstrong Ranch in south Texas, said property owner Katharine Armstrong.

Go Here and scroll down the page to watch the video.

Chucky-Chuck Wooten on KWTO

Chuckie-Chuck says that right handed people are left brain dormant.

And, left handed people are right brain dormant.

Chucky-Chuck apparently can't write or draw, because he is just dormant.

Watch for an audio clip of this gem later today on this blog entry.

Al Franken Kicks BillyLongButt

But you have to keep in mind that some tasks are really easy.

The source is HERE:

I think a little more perspective is needed when addressing the comparison that right-wing bloggers and now some mainstream journalists (Howard Kurtz) have been making between the Wellstone Memorial and the Coretta Scott King Funeral. To this day, there are still a lot of people, including Democrats, who've bought the right wing line on the Wellstone Memorial.

Specifically, that it was a cynical, premeditated political event that included endless booing of Republican politicians who came to pay their respects to their fallen colleague. I wrote a pretty detailed account of the Wellstone Memorial in my book/ Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them/, and nothing could be further from the truth. I did write that "reasonable people of good will were genuinely offended." The memorial was raucous and a couple of speakers said some things that were inappropriate - basically, let's win this (upcoming Senate) election for Paul. There were also honest Republicans of good will, including Jim Ramstad - the Congressman from the Minneapolis suburban district I grew up in - who acted like human beings and cut the speakers who offended (Rick Kahn and, to a lesser degree, Mark Wellstone) a little slack because they understood that Rick had lost six very close friends and Mark had lost his father, mother, and sister.

The chapter was mainly about how cynically Republicans used the memorial politically as they complained that the Democrats had used it politically. And how the mainstream media, many of whom had neither attended the memorial nor seen it on TV, bought into the Republican spin.

Mainly, there was a lot of lying.

Rush Limbaugh claimed that the audience was "planted," when, in fact, Twin Cities' radio and TV had to tell people to stay away because Williams Arena was jammed to capacity three hours before the Memorial was scheduled to begin. Thousands were crowded into an overflow gym to watch on a screen and thousands watched outside on a cold, late October night. A pained Limbaugh asked his audience the day after the memorial: "Where was the grief? Where were the tears? Where was the memorial service? There wasn't any of this!"

This was a lie.

I was there. Along with everyone else, I cried, I laughed, I cheered. It was, to my mind, a beautiful four-hour memorial. I didn't boo. Neither did 22,800 of the some 23,000 people there. This has been a much discussed, much lied about aspect of the memorial. A number of Republicans, like Peggy Noonan and/ Weekly Standard/ writer Chris Caldwell claimed that 20,000 people had booed Trent Lott. (Caldwell claimed that 20,000 people booed a whole litany of people who weren't booed at all.) We'll never get an actual count - but I'd say about two hundred people booed Trent Lott when his face came on the Jumbotron. This was about a minute after 23,000 people cheered for Bill Clinton when his face appeared on the Jumbotron.

The Jumbotron was carrying the C-SPAN feed, and unless you were watching live, you almost certainly have never seen the moment that Trent Lott was booed. That's because none of the cable news shows repeated it. That's because you can't hear him being booed. And that's because so few people booed him. Also, I swear, it was a good-natured "kill the umpire" boo, (and Lott actually grinned) but I could never prove that.

What I have proven is that you couldn't hear the boos on TV because on my book-on-tape I played the audio of the C-SPAN video to compare the 23,000 cheering for Clinton with the smattering of boos for Lott, and you CANNOT hear the boos. Caldwell, who never saw the memorial, also wrote that there was almost no mention of the others who died on the plane.

That was complete bull.

There were beautiful eulogies for Will, Tom, and Mary.

Kellyanne (Fitzpatrick) Conway went on TV the day after the memorial and told a nationwide audience that the Jumbotron instructed the crowd "when to cheer and when to jeer." (The speeches were close-captioned and would indicate when there was LAUGHTER and APPLAUSE.) Even though the words on the closed captioning followed the speaker's words by five or so seconds and were often misspelled, Sara Janecek, a Minnesota Republican lobbyist, said the speeches on the Jumbotron were proof that the speeches had been written and vetted by the cynically politically motivated Democrat who ran the event.

Actually, the people who spoke at the Wellstone memorial were all chosen by the families of those who died. No one's speech was vetted. The Wellstone people had all spent the previous five days going to funerals. It never occurred to them to vet the speeches. The irony is that because they weren't thinking politically, they opened themselves to being accused of staging a political event.. It was the Republicans that tried to cheapen Paul Wellstone's life by dishonoring his death. It was the right-wing media, not the friends and family who spoke at the memorial or the people who came to it, that seized an opportunity to use a tragedy for political gain.

Now to the King funeral, which I did not see in its entirety. Coretta Scott King was 78 when she died. Her death followed a long illness and was not a big shock. Her family and friends had had time to prepare for her death and had not lost five other friends and/or family members in a tragic plane crash. Four presidents spoke. One of them, Jimmy Carter, made a passing reference to the fact that Martin and Coretta King had been the victims of domestic wiretapping by the government.

Was it a shot at President George W. Bush, who was sitting right behind Carter? Probably.

Was that inappropriate? Maybe.

Would Coretta Scott King have enjoyed the moment? I don't know.

You know who would have a better idea than me? Jimmy Carter.

He knew Mrs. King. Those who are currently complaining - most of whom claim to be offended on her behalf - didn't know her at all. Coretta Scott King was a political woman. Most of those complaining on her behalf are against everything she stood for. In her later years she spoke passionately on behalf of affirmative action. Should her family have been offended that President Bush didn't mention this and apologize for it? Should they have been offended that the first President Bush didn't mention that he had campaigned for Congress in 1964/ against/ the 1964 Civil Rights Bill and didn't apologize for that? I don't think so. I think they were happy the two Bush Presidents showed up and paid their respects. I think they were also happy that Carter mentioned the wiretaps and that Joseph Lowery mentioned that there had been no WMD's in Iraq. Because that's probably what their mother would have wanted. But I don't know.

You'd have to ask them.

Ann Coulter Gets Free French Fries for Life

Ann (R-she 'da man) Coulter gave a speech yesterday.

Here are a few exerps:

"I think our motto should be post-9-11, 'raghead talks tough, raghead faces consequences.'" (This declaration prompted a boisterous ovation.)

(Responding to a question from a Catholic University student about her biggest moral or ethical dilemma) "There was one time I had a shot at Clinton. I thought 'Ann, that's not going to help your career.'"

"There is more dissent on a slave plantation then amongst moderates in the Republican party."

"Iran is soliciting cartoons on the Holocaust. So far, only Ted Rall, Garry Trudeau, and the NY Times have made submissions."

"If we find out someone [referring to a terrorist] is going to attack the Supreme Court next week, can't we tell Roberts, Alito, Thomas and Scalito?"

The Olympic Opening Ceremony

High Spot:

Sophia Loren


Low Spot (3-way tie):

Yoko Ono
The Village People
NBC censoring Eva Hertzgovina (fer christ's sake people - did you actually think she was nekkid in 35 degree weather???)

Libby: If I Go To Jail, So do You

The worms are turning.

Scoot-Scoot is facing some hard time. He and Abramoff are both singing. The only hope for them is to turn on their massa's and see if Alberto can't promote their judges to the Supreme Court.

Scoot-Scoot now is saying that Unca' Dick-Dick is the one who told him to commit felonies.

Abramoff is saying that he has the pics of him and his buDDy George the Lesser, and if George doesn't straighten up and get him out of this mess he is going to be assigned the cell next door and they can talk about Kabala Water all day.

Medicine and Woo-Woo'ism

NOTE: This is another page from my personal space before I change it all to other things. This was originally written for a silly on-line publication - the Ozarks Bastinado (get out your dictionary). The above photo is refered to in the last paragraph.



Medicine and Woo-woo-ism

By John Stone

Who, or perhaps what, is a woo-woo? Is it kin to the thought processes of the founder of this sad little on-line offering, The Ozarks Bastinado?? Naw. Most modern Libertarians are too goofy to be called woo-woo's. Like present Governor, and Minnesota laughing boy Jessie Ventura, an ex professional wrassler who delivered his State of the State Address by standing a foot away from the camera and shouting, "And I am sick of putting up with this scum ... baby."

No, our beloved Editor-in Chief, (EIC), is on a string of losses that has been pretty much unbroken for this year. It started with a bet of a fine bottle of Scotch from a witty, astute and politically wise individual that the gun nutzos in Missouri would have their collective muzzles shoved up their collective extraction apparatus in the April vote by the citizens to allow carrying of concealed weapons. This measure, which put the National Rifle and Tim McVeigh Defense Society further in bankruptcy to the tune of $5 million bucks, failed thanks to the expenditure of $600,000 by the opponents.

Ever the sore loser, EIC claimed massive voter fraud in St. Louis County. An assertion for which there has never been an iota of evidence, save St. Louis County is comprised of (1) Middle Class to wealthy whites who are tired of seeing their kids gunned down at school; and (2) Niggers -- well, we know how they vote don't we?

My single malt scotch tasted so good I relented, and got the EIC a glass of water from the toilet.

Trying to outdo himself, the EIC stepped into National Politics with another bet. It went along these lines. Remember those whackos in the House of Representatives who tried to pull a coup d'etat by impeaching Bill Clinton? EIC allows how Clinton will be gone by June 1st. Learning smartly from his mistakes, a $35 bottle of Scotch was not on the line ... EIC vows to shave his legs and mow his lawn in a miniskirt. Watch future issues of the Bastinado for pictures.
The EIC should change his game from poker with the grownups to slap down. It's cheaper and less embarrassing.

The final blow to the prognostication skills of our EIC came over Kosovo. You see, our beloved EIC was a jarhead before becoming our resident anarchist. And everyone knows that the USMC tests its people by having a 250 pound drill sergeant drool in your face. Wonderful training for your future political judgment. After preaching doom and gloom for two months and then watching while Clinton mops up old Slobby and his political enemies at the same time, he comes up with how Clinton has violated world laws and ought to be hung (well, maybe he is hung already, but that's a subject for the future).

No bets on this one, but his mother asked him to stop calling.

But the EIC is not really the subject of this month's column; quackery; or its more accurate term in today's world, woo-woo-ism is. I don't know how the term woo-woo-ism got started but a suggestion has been made that it is the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves. Or it's a recurring sound in the old TV show, The Twilight Zone. Either way, it is used an an indicative of the really erie, the really weird, the really goof ball stuff. And in this respect, at this time, there is so much woo-woo-ism going around that the world seems like it's rejecting all accumulated knowledge in favor of the knowledge of Aristotle, Pope Urban, and Julius Caesar.

Listen to the advertising on radio, particularly the American talk radio stations, that run a lot of infomercials. A very high percentage of the revenue of these marginalized stations comes from advertisements and infomercials from chiropractors herbals, vitamins and organic foods, various diet gimicks and frauds, and occasionally potentially dangerous over the counter products sold as various remedies such as DHEA I am not sure why the advertisers go to this particular market other than there is something about the listening audience that attracts them, and it is one of the few outlets that will permit advertising of this nature, which is either highly misleading to a scientifically uneducated listenership, or borderline fraud, or out-and-out fraud.

For this column I'll stay away from the cancer cure clinics in Mexico. The new age religions and millinialism of such woo-woo promoters as Andrew Weil and Depac Chopra. I will even stay away from from some local nutsos like Clyde N. Shealy, a M. D. graduate of Duke University, (and advertises a Ph. D. -- actually from the Saybrooke Institute, a distance learning Jungian Transpersonal school -- but he doesn't argue if you happen to think that his Ph. D. was earned at Duke.) who once had a coworker, Carolyn Myss, tell a patient that the reason she was having headaches was that she was a pirate in a previous life, who --fascinatingly enough had been whacked over the noggin' with a sword -- hence, the present headaches. He would be a disgrace if he weren't so laughable.

Instead, I will try to give you some terms that you may hear that will immediately tell you ... "This is a quack trying to sell me something!!!! Stay away!!!"

1. Wellness ... Obviously, the state opposite to sickness. Shockingly, even though you may feel healthy you will learn that you have no wellness. No one is well at the Spring Valley Foods Market except the vendor.

2. Frequencies ... The vendors at your local health food store (with a high school education) have a powerful understanding of Fourier Analysis. They decompose everything into frequencies. Lucky for you. You have only one frequency to harmonize. In another stroke of incredible luck your frequency is right around Middle C if you are a woman and right around the F below Middle C if you are a man --so chanting at your special frequency is really easy.

3. Teachings ... The important information passed down with uncanny preservation and secrecy for thousands of years until a really lucky white guy traveling in some faraway country stumbles onto some spiritual master who reveals it all. The Master disappears where the skeptics can't find him, but the white guy gets the teachings into paperback and appears on the Art Bell Radio show.

It pains me to say so ... but the EIC and the American public that buys into quackery are a bunch of ignorant louts. Fortunately for politicians, insurance salesmen, used car dealers, and lawyers this is the normal state of affairs today.

In my 9th Grade Citizenship course I learned all the techniques of propaganda, or how to sell me something including post hoc, strawman, false delimma and undistributed middle. All these techniques are used by alt.medder's to try to peddle an idea that has an underpinning that is shakier than a man with palsy on top of the TransAmerica building in San Francisco during "the big one".

But that doesn't matter too much to the woo-woo alt.medder's. Evidence is not important. Nor is reasoning. Take homeopathy for example. The foundation for homeopathy and the peddling of the various "wares" rests on the delusions of one Samuel Hanemann (1755-1843). This master of woo-woo-ism came up with the idea that sick people should be treated with more of what makes them sick. Then they will get well. What you see in your local friendly health food store today is Hanemann's Theory of Dilutions.

Lets say you are allergic to compound "X". To prepare a homeopathic "ware" one would take compound "X" and put it in water or alcohol and start diluting it by factors of ten. In the first dilution 1/10 of the original substance would be left, in the second 1/100, in the third 1/1000 ... and so on. This would be recognizable to a mathematician as an exponential curve of dilutions. But the homeopaths don't stop with three or four or even 20 dilutions .... they dilute to a factor of ten 30, 40 or even 120 times. Now we know that in every mole (gram molecular weight) of any substance there are 6 times 10 to the 23rd power, molecules. This means that in the final dilutions of these homeopathic wares not a single molecule of the substance is left. Not one. Just a small vial of water or small toddy (if alcohol). Yet this essence of nothingness has amazing curative powers ... plus it makes a bunch of profits for the vendor. Congratulations, you have just been conned.

Remember, nothing is everything and nothing has marvelous properties unknown to science.

Be sure to look at www.quackwatch.com

Where is the best place ot find a woo-woo? It's no further away than your web browser. The internet has the greatest collection of healthfraud, disinformation, lulu ideas ... and a haven for every paranoid schizophrenic that ever lived. Enter a search for any disease and what will you find? The first 100 sites will be woo-woo sites trying to peddle their wares, herbs, homeopathy, chiropractic, chelation and about a zillion others.

It's all magical thinking. Unlike the beautiful Melinda, First Lady of Magic, (she's the one on the right),who knows what real magic is like, alt.med'ers think that nature and medicine works by magic rather than fundamental rules of physiology, genetics, anatomy and chemistry. They throw around words like "paradigm" and "quantum" with wild abandon because they know that you don't have the slightest idea what they mean either, but they sure sound impressive.

If you want to believe this crap in the same fervent way that the EIC believes the Libertarian hogwash he writes about, fine. That's your right in America. But when you sell this stuff, or when you use the good graces of American willingness to let everyone have their say to perpetrate a fraud then it should cost you more than a $35 bottle of scotch .... about 5-10 years along with a hefty fine sounds about right to me.

The Vile State of Local Radio

I kinda' like local radio salesman Billy Long. I understand that half the time he doesn't have any idea of what he is talking about. And his only real interest in life is to sell me something. But that doesn't bother me since I can always laugh at him, note I said AT HIM, not WITH HIM.

But he has a bad habit of collecting talking points from KKKarl Rove every morning and then mindlessly repeating them, as he did this morning. By slimeing the funeral of Coretta Scott King. He didn't like it -- said it was too political -- I choked on my oatmeal. That's the same way they threw slime all over Paul Wellstone after practically his entire family was wiped out. And by the way, Billy, who the hell asked for your opinion on this woman's funeral anyway. Who in the world gives a flying fuck at a rolling donut hole what the hell you think about it? When you are dead and gone ... no one will care. Her name will be remembered for hundreds of years.

When you think about it what is the difference between Billy slimeing the funeral of Coretta Scott King, who he didn't know, and the Rev. Fred Phelps, of the Westboro Baptist Church slimeing the funerals of soldiers that he didn't know either?

Billy Long is a vile racist ... but he would deny it ... which only shows how badly out of touch he really is ... perhaps if he had black neighbors, or lived in New Orleans, or was poor, or had the man on his back all day, he would be a little more gracious to those who are less fortunate than he is. But I doubt it. Coming from an area that ran the blacks out years ago.

So I dedicate this song, sung by the Pigman on Billy's radio station, hisself as an inspiration to Billy Long.

But I don't expect him to get the message.

Boiling the Frog

I listened to Alberto Gonzales, a.k.a. Torquemodo, yesterday. It was absolutely awesome that this government has become such a parody of freedom and liberty where he can say with a straight face that The President of the United States doesn't have to follow the Law if he doesn't want to do it.

We are all in danger.

Now I hear from those who blindly support this disaster that THEY don't mind if THEY get wiretapped, or their house gets searched, or if they personally are tracked, because they "arn't doing anything wrong" -- it's always the other guy. (Better not try to take away their guns, tho.)

I have even heard it from people who arn't your typical goober-Bush-voter that spends his days polishing that old tooth.

They got a problem in facts and logic. The problem is: THEY are not the ones who decide it THEY are doing something wrong. It may be some bureaucrat lawyer or prosecutor who is on the make for a reputation. It may be the next President, Hillary Clinton. It may be Billy Long who covets your real estate.

It will be you, who will have to prove that THEY are all wrong about YOU.

Bush: Bloops and Blunders

Watch the video HERE: Scroll down the page.

Redneck Engineering Exam

Thanks to Dr. Wayne McKinney, Professor Emeritus of Biomedical Science and former Chairman of the Phys Ed Department at SMSU, and a very funny guy ....


Redneck Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum 8 inches from the trunk.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? 66 Ford Fairlane, 69 Chevrolet Chevelle, 64 Pontiac GTO?

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tallboys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor s 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, what are the chances that it will strike a vehicle that has a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates an NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?

INSTRUCTIONS FROM PROFESSOR BUBBA: DO NOT GET ANSWERS FROM THE YAHOO NEXT TO YOU, BECAUSE HIS G.P.A. IS BELOW 1.02!