A Repost of an Old Column

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

The Gerbil Chronicles

It was reported today in the Palm Beach News that a balding fat man showed up at the Emergency Room at Palm Beach Community hospital complaining of abdominal pain and requesting both oxycontin and vicodan for relief. The hospital declined to identify the patient, who arrived by limousine, and claimed to be a visitor to the area who was "just looking for a Denny's breakfast bar" when stricken by severe pain.

In a possibly related report, the Palm Beach Airport reported that at about the same time an unmarked G-4 corporate jet arrived and the occupants were whisked off in a black limo. The tracing of the tail numbers on the jet reveal it to be registered to a possibly ficticious entity called EIB. Antiterrorism agents of the FBI are investigating.

At the hospital, the patient was accompanied by a large black woman, wearing a flowered dress, shawl, and floppy wide-brimmed hat with fake fruit decorations who identified herself as Thomisina Clarence. With her was a stooped, balding, white man who only would identify himself as Chino Richards, and who sat in a corner and snarled at all small children who passed by him.

After an extensive examination four duct-tape wrapped gerbils were removed from the patient's rectum. The patient was released with instructions to, "be careful where he sat".

An hour later the patient reappeared at the emergency room, and you know what that means don't you?

Yep .... They missed a gerbil.

More Spring .. Less Chocolate B'Jesus

All photos Copyright 2007 by John Stone. Reproduction with permission only.

I Don't Care if it Rains or Feezes ...

More ... much more ... to be added to this one this afternoon after I collect the jokes going around.

It is certainly more tasteful, in several senses of that word, than Andres Serrano's Piss Christ. ... Elliot

What makes it so offensive to Donohue is that it depicts a black Jesus. .. Tristero

I don't see the problem here... Christianity is forever munching on bits of their Lord, including His body and blood, not to mention all of the symbolism of eating lamb at Easter. So now it's chocolate... big deal. ... Zadig

So Donahue shouldn't be worked up about the anatomical correctness, but I'm sure that's a huge part of it--especially since Chocolate Jesus has a considerable package. .. Molly


(HEH ... HEH ... HEH ... suppose Tony two-fingers is pissed off? Imagine Jesus with a bigger popsicle than him. Maybe we can pool our money together and buy VD(j) a candy cigar for Easterbunny Day.)

The chocolate is all wrong. The crucified Christ needs to be made from bread dough so that He can rise again on the third day. ... Peter

For laughs, check out the Catholic League's Annual Reports on Anti-Catholicism, which apparently involves any statement obliquely critical of the Church. The cartoons and anything involving Christopher Hitchens can be especially funny. ... Missionary Position

Do you pray to Allah?' one asked. I said yes. They said, '[Expletive] you. And [expletive] him.' One of them said, 'You are not getting out of here health[y], you are getting out of here handicapped. And he said to me, 'Are you married?' I said, 'Yes.' They said, 'If your wife saw you like this, she will be disappointed.' One of them said, 'But if I saw her now she would not be disappointed now because I would rape her.'" [...] "They ordered me to thank Jesus that I'm alive." [...] "I said to him, 'I believe in Allah.' So he said, 'But I believe in torture and I will torture you.' ... prisoner at Abu Garib

Bachelor Parties are not Like Purity Balls

First, take a look at the photo, it's important to the story.

In Sweden it is a bit of a custom for the groom to be kidnapped and whisked off somewhere for his stag night, which usually lasts all day and all night rather than the typical American stag night where you all arrange it beforehand go out get drunk and hire a stripper.

The Swedes do it different.. The groom has no idea until he gets nabbed.. He might be dressed up in something crazy... and go do something funny...and then the fun starts!

This particular guy is a keen sailor and when he was kidnapped for his stag night they pasted a false "skippers-beard" on him and put him at the helm of a 60 foot yacht and let him be skipper for the day...

Much beer and fine food was consumed. But nothing... nasty happened to him at all... In the evening when they got back on land and were getting cleaned up for the night club... they all had a sauna as is customary in Sweden....

Imagine the grooms horror when he walked into the sauna where his naked buddies were waiting for him and then to notice that best mate number one had no pubic hair ...

neither did friend two ...
nor three ...
or four...

Now check out the false beard again...........

Spring ... Finally....

I'm So Old...

I remember when Dennis Miller was funny.

Little Georgie and Gonzogate

Coming to a Race Near You

Tony Snowflake's Cancer has Probably Spread to His Liver

No comment yet from the Pigman, VD(j), or other real Xtians.

VD(j) as the Ultimate Chickenshit

Oooooh... wait until I have time to edit the clips from this morning. He says Ernie the Troublemaker from Ozark has "popsicles". Ernie -- here's a hint. If you have ugly, skinny legs that taste like grapes -- see a chiropractor. (And ask Tony Two-Fingers for a date).

VD(j) says that he is the only one who is a "man" who will fight for what he believes. I about fell off the chair at this one since he ducked in the most chickenshitted way an offer from Mr. Mt. Vernon to show off HIS popsicles.

He also ducked all the posibilities to serve whatever country he might claim before, that got rid of him to someone else. Here's a hint to the asshat. The very guy I was named after, and his best friend, went to Canada in 1941 and joined the RAF. Only one came home, and he was never the same. You -- you villinous vile piece of human waste, could have come to America and joined up at any time -- since you ARE the World's Best American.

Shithead!!!

Crap!!!!

Green Beer is not Everything

Are Apes More Moral Than Xtians?

Sure sounds like it.

HERE ....

The Drug Addled Pigboy on Elisabeth Edwards

What happens to your brain on drugs?

"What is their religion? I don't doubt they're religious people, but, we talked about this. Political people are different than you and I. And, you know, most people when told a family member's been diagnosed with the kind of cancer Elizabeth Edwards has, they turn to God. The Edwards turned to the campaign.Their religion is politics and the quest for the White House. And that's -- it's not just with them, I mean, it's part and parcel of political people -- undergo all this stuff, the media anal all over their private life being made public even by the candidates themselves -- it's all part of the drill.[...] If you're Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton, how do you now attack John Edwards? Not a problem for Hillary, the Clinton [inaudible] will find a way. But Barack, it's going to be a challenge. [...] What the Edwards campaign is going to do here is see what the reaction is within the ranks of Democrat [sic] voters -- as far as this announcement is concerned -- and then go on from there. If there is not a big jump, if this doesn't cause a breakout, if this doesn't cause a big uptick, then, at some point, Senator Edwards will probably have to suspend the campaign."

The Sad Truth of Our Iraq Fiasco

America has NOT been in Iraq for five years.

America has been in Iraq for one year, five times.

No demands for sacrifice on the part of the military to keep fighting until it's over, one way or the other, no demands on the military to insist on it, or mutiny. And a weak and confused idealogical leadership in the White House. A useless waste of lives and treasure.

No demand on the American citizens to support war to it's fullest or get the hell out of it. But plenty of demands and obligations on our children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren.

A Note from buDDy

You may recall my friend buDDY. A Ute-itarian half-breed who lives in a teepee behind the NPR studios in Santa Fe. Someone dragged an extension cord to him so he could send me an email.

buDDy's pal, Jim Terr, is the guy who drops by to give him some bear jerky and some salad fixin's that he finds in the bed of a rusty, broken-down 61 Chevey pick-up, isolated in the desert, packaged in gunny sacks, for his salads and vitamins.

Well Terr has scribbled another tune you can hear on You-Tube.

buDDy.... suppose that guy Terr has been finding some mushrooms out there that he is holding out on you?

A Funny from the BBC

I listen to BBC world radio at night. The news is such a better quality and quantity than we get from the US media. There are things actually happening in the world outside the borders of our isolated little country.

But occasionally the BBC announcers will pull off an accidental funny. This morning they were reporting on the strangulation of the Pakistani cricket-the-mouseketeer coach. (Take note Barry Hinson!!!!)

The announcer said that the police were looking for at least one, or more, suspects.

Duh?

Since when did Inspector Cleauseau leave the Surete and join Scotland Yard?

Photos on Flickr - The Karate Cat

In the sidebar you can find a link to "My Photos". This link takes you to flickr, where I have almost 3500 of my own photos up and there are over 18 million photos in all.

Flickr is a great site, brought to me by Zach (who is scary-talented for a teenager), where one can find any kind of photo, good to bad, innocent to porn, beautiful to ugly.

If you visit, get a screen name and start looking for photos you like. You can download high res versions of most of them. And if you find photographers that you particularly like you can follow what they post automatically.

Eighteen Minutes? Eighteen Days? B. F. D.

Josh Marshall reports there is an 18-day gap -- first spotted by a commenter on the blog Talking Points Memo -- in the over 3,000 emails released by the Department of Justice pertaining to the attorney firing scandal.

The gap covers the days between November 15 and December 4, 2006. So far, only one email has been found dated within that 18 day period among those released in Monday night's document dump. The lone email, from November 29, 2006, was one forwarded by Justice official Michael Elston to a fellow staffer asking for an attached review document to be printed.

"The firing calls went out on December 7th. But the original plan was to start placing the calls on November 15th," notes Marshall. "So those eighteen days are pretty key ones."

Politico reporters Mike Allen and John Bresnahan also picked up on the gap. They surmise that the missing communication covers "a critical period, as the White House and Justice Department reviewed -- then approved -- which U.S. attorneys would be fired, while also developing a political and communications strategy for countering any fallout from the firings."

The gap, specifically because of its length, is an eerie reminder of the infamous eighteen-and-a-half minute gap in the Nixon tapes. As one blogger writes, "The Bush Administration is working overtime to make this attorney scandal look more and more like Watergate by the day."

Doug Burlison Endorses VD(j)

Doug Burlison, a Libbyloonie who hates government, endorsed VD(j), who hates everybody, on Radio KTTS this morning.

Most sensible city leaders refuse to talk to the racist slob.

Burlison, who believes in no government is best government, is running for a government job as General Councilman in District C.

Exerpt from; God: The Failed Hypothesis

"If the most important stories found in he Old and New Testaments are even remotely historic, then scientific evidence should exist for an escape of large numbers of Jews from Egypt in the thirteenth Century BCE and forty years of wandering in the desert. It does not. Physical evidence should exist for great battles as the Israelites captured the land of Canaan, after returning to Canaan. It does not. Physical evidence should exist for a Golden Age in a combined Kingdom of Israel and Judea around 1000 BCE and the Temple of Solomon. It does not.

"Historical evidence should also exist for the extraordinary events reported to have occurred around the time of Jesus' birth. It does not. Historical evidence for the extraordinary events events reported to have occurred at the time of Jesus' death. It does not. From the absence of evidence that should exist in the scientific and historical record, we can concluded, beyond a reasonable doubt, that these extraordinary events did not take place as the Bible describes.

"The Bible reads as an assembly of myths fashioned by ancient authors who had no idea of historical accuracy. Its description of the world reflects the scientific and historical knowledge of the age in which the manuscripts were composed.

"The information and insights contained in scriptures and other revelations look just as they can be expected to look if there is no God who revealed truths to humanity that were recorded in sacred texts."

What Henry Kissinger Told Jill St. John

You don't think power is the ultimate aphrodisiac?

Wait until you see me nekkid.

Ignatius Reilly Plays VD(j) in the Movie

In the wake of the Simpsons coming to Springfield, we have another subject of a film in our midst. Ignatius Reilly will play local radio loudmouth VD(j). Above is Ignatius or VD, on the cover of the screen play, and below is Ignatius or VD with Darleen, the star stripper at the Night of Joy stripclub who is trying to add some class to her act by training a cockatoo to pick off her clothes.

It is unknown if Courtney the poor long suffering kid who needs a paycheck, will play Myra Minkoff, the sexy little minx.

Ignatius is something of a modern Don Quixote — eccentric and creative, sometimes to the point of delusion.

He disdains modernity, particularly pop culture. The disdain becomes his obsession: he goes to movies in order to mock their inanity and express his outrage with the contemporary world's lack of "theology and geometry." He prefers the scholastic philosophy of the Middle Ages, especially that of Boethius. However he is also seen as enjoying many modern comforts and conveniences, and is given to claiming that the rednecks of rural Louisiana hate all modern technology which they associate with progress.

Throughout the novel, Ignatius exhibits what would today be considered symptoms of depression. He operates under the mindset that he does not belong in the world and that his numerous failings are the work of some higher power. He continually refers to the goddess Fortuna as having spun him downwards on her wheel of luck. This type of thought may be akin to the psychological idea of "external locus of control" in which the subject believes that he is more or less powerless to alter the circumstances of his life through his own actions.

Additionally, Ignatius shows the traits of an addictive personality in his inability to eat in moderation and regular bouts of chronic sexual self-fulfillment (he becomes sexually aroused by thoughts of his deceased dog and when he is lifted into the air by four black factory workers). His mockery of obscene images is portrayed as a defensive posture to hide their titillating effect on him.

In addition, he exhibits bizarre aversions, for example to Greyhound Scenicruiser buses, the bi-level coaches used by the company at the time for its longer routes. He speaks of the horror he feels even just knowing that they are hurtling about in the night.

As to Myrna:

Myrna "The Minx" is a Jewish beatnik from New York City whom Ignatius met while she was in college in New Orleans. Though their political, social, religious, and personal orientations could hardly be more different, Myrna and Ignatius fascinate one another. Repeated reference is made to the tag-team attack on the teachings of the professors Myrna and Ignatius engaged in during their college years. For most of the novel she is seen only in the regular correspondence which the two keep up since her return to New York, a correspondence heavily weighted with sexual analysis on the part of Myrna and contempt for her apparent sacrilegious activity by Ignatius. Officially, they both deplore everything the other stands for. Though probably neither of them would admit it, their correspondence indicates that, though separated by half a continent, many of their actions are taken with the intention of impressing the other.

Sounds just like the mornings on KTTS-AM radio.

The War on Terra' is Over

We got 'im.

Of course we had to use a 1925 crank telephone to do it but he finally confessed .... Khalid Sheikh Mohammed ...

The mastermind behind 9-11?

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed

The guy behind the shoe bomber?

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed

The guy behind the 1993 WTC bomb?

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed
(I wonder if anyone has told the Blind Sheik that he's innocent -- hell it's just a local call)

Who is the father of Anna Nichole's baby???

Buzzzdt ... OUCH!!!! Oh, it was me ... me ... Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. And I am sooooo ashamed.

Were you Rev Ted's masseur?

Buzzzzdt ... OW!!! Stop it!!! Yes it was me Khalid Sheikh Mohammed

Did you redistrict Texas Khalid Sheikh Mohammed?

Buzzzdt .... Oh, gawd .. stop!!! Yes!!! I did it!!!

Did you control Monica Lewinski Khalid Sheikh Mohammed?

Buzzzdt .... OH YES??? Please don't do that again? I also run My Space.

Are you responsible for the three missing women Khalid Sheikh Mohammed?

Buzzzzdt ... Oh, yes, they are buried under the Burrell Center parking garage.

Let's give George and Alberto credit for ending terrorism. They caught the only terrorist in the world.

Who shot the deputy down?

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed

DaFuzz and My Space ...

I actually signed up to My Space. Sadly, even though I filled out the questionaire honestly, they didn't like the photo of me that you can see on the right, so I don't see much action. I don't know why, I think it is one of my better ones.

But today I got an e-mail that "Stacie" had left me a message.

No. I haven't looked.

But it did occur to me that if 40 year old male copper cruises My Space looking for Mr. Bad cruising for dates, and gets hooked up with a 40 year old female copper who thinks she has found a girly that is out having some fun behind Mom's back .... and they set up a date to meet each other....

Who gets to arrest who?

Will there be gunplay involved between the competing SWAT Teams?

It could get ugly.

Pi Day

I almost forgot. Yesterday was Pi Day (3/14). Actually Pi is 3.14159265358979323…) unless you are a Bible believer and think that the Bible provides you with truth about science, in which case Pi is equal to 3.0 exactly.

Fundamentalists may just be goofy people, but I don't want to sit under a balcony designed by one in a church.

Somehow or another ... gawd got another one wrong ... but look at it this way... an Intelligent Designer REALLY WOULD have made Pi equal to 3.0 exactly.

Come to think of it, I was awake at 1.41.59 ----

The miracle of faith ... or Art Bell's synchronicity?

NSFP: Not Safe for Prudes

Read it HERE ...

I'm So Old I Remember ...

When Bill Clinton was mobbed by friendly crowds when he traveled to South America.

A Review of God:The Failed Hypothesis

See it HERE ...

In God, the Failed Hypothesis, Victor J. Stenger makes a comprehensive and almost overwhelmingly powerful case that if the sort of God most Jews, Christians, and Muslims believe in existed, the resulting physical consequences would be easily measurable by modern science. Those measurements have been performed, and in every field surveyed the existence of the classical God is flatly refuted. Stenger’s new book is a tour de force of scope, brevity, and rhetorical power. One after another he defeats each of the recently popular, seemingly scientific arguments that believers wield in frantic efforts to defend– let’s face it – their impossible and ungrounded belief systems.

All the News That's Not...

Small newspapers actually have a personality. They report your grandma's 70th birthday. They report the festivities at the local American Legion Hall. They also actually report police blotter entries... and those are the best part.

A blogger collects them. Here are a couple you might enjoy from the same paper.

• 4:44 p.m. — A female caller said children were playing in the dumpsters at Wal-Mart.

Sounds more sanitary than going inside to shop.

• 5:01 p.m. — A Cadillac Lane caller said she found an ear in her bathtub. She was not sure how it got there.

Absolutely no comment

• 7:06 p.m. — A Mesa Vista High School employee reported that numerous Questa High School fans were getting out of hand during a basketball game. The referee was getting harassed and a player who was thrown out of the game was also being harassed. Deputies had to be rerouted to a domestic violence call.

At least the game wasn't played in Chicago.

• 8:59 p.m. — A State Road 68 caller said her sister was assaulting her. She kept jumping on her while she was in bed, the caller said.

Spice is nice, but incest is best.

• 7:06 p.m. — A Calle del Pajarito caller said a heavy-set blond woman has been yelling at people all day. People are beginning to throw rocks at her, the caller said. Police spotlighted the area but found no criminal activity.

I wonder if the Minutia-guy's Crazy Stick Lady has moved?

• 8:30 p.m. — A Calle del Pajarito woman said a man was soliciting sex and using his power. She said they were using the children in the housing area and are somehow involved with the mortuaries.

"using his power" .... heh, heh, heh....

• 9:09 p.m. — A Calle Loma caller said a woman was lying in the road and two males were attempting to pick her up. The caller said one of the males took off running and the other male is now dragging the woman down the street. Police found the man and woman and arrested the man on a prior warrant. The woman left with a friend.

Must not have been using their power.

Why Men Hate Women's Sports

Drury vs Pittsburg State

And she is just a freshman ... so I have three more years of picture taking.

OK ... JackeM.... this convinces me that there IS a gawd.

Did'ja Ever Notice...

That Rev Ted has a Dirty Pirate Hooker mouth too?

Thanks Des ...

Spoonbenders Beat God in Evidence-of-Existence Test

As I was reading Randi's newsletter for this week I was struck at how much the Godly-bots differ from Uri Geller.

They can't come up with enough evidence for gawd to collect Randi's million dollar prize ... in fact they claim it's impossible to do so. And yet any decent spoon bender CAN come up with enough evidence to collect Randi's money.

See it HERE ...

Note to the Gawdly ... if you feel you can demonstrate gawd like this guy demonstrates spoon bending, leave a message in the comments section. Great rewards -- in this lifetime -- await you.

God: The Failed Hypothesis - A Review

Read it HERE ...

Other arguments seemed, eventually, equally fail. The First Mover gambit was amusingly parodied by a friend's phrase: "If there's no God, who pulls up the next Kleenex?" One last-resort argument for the necessity of the divine was a real puzzler, though: Why is there Something, rather than Nothing? Who put the bang in the big bang? Veteran particle physicist Victor Stenger offers an answer to that deep question in his two new books, arguing a materialist, God-free account of the cosmos, equally antagonistic to superstition, the paranormal and religions archetypal and newfangled alike. He refuses to accept the polite accommodation urged by agnostic Stephen Jay Gould that science and religion can never be in conflict as they are non-overlapping "magisteria". Faith, for Gould, dealt with morals, science with testable fact.

This bid for mutual tolerance gained little traction in either camp. Evolutionary psychology pressed hard against the territorial prerogatives of religion, showing how traditional ethical codes had developed on the basis of templates selected -- for good and ill -- by a million years of human prehistory. But aren't the central dogmas of Christian civilisation, indeed of all the Abrahamic societies including Judaism and Islam, derived from the infallible word of God delivered in Scripture? Stenger offers a familiar corrective: the moral guidance of the Bible is confused and often reprehensible, supporting slavery and other atrocities. We interpret its words according to today's superior moral insight and sensitivity, so the interpretations given by Christians "must depend on ideals that they have already developed from some other source". Unlike some critics of faith, Stenger takes the tough line that deity is not just an unnecessary hypothesis or one where an honest thinker can choose to accept or reject it. No, it is "the failed hypothesis".

Will Scoot-Scoot Get a New Nickname in Jail?

Yep.

"Short-eyes."

Wait 'til his new cellies get a read of Scootie Pie's porn novel, The Apprentice, wherein a child is chained in a cage and a bear, yes, you read correctly - A BEAR - rapes her repeatedly.

The purpose is to make the little girl an obedient child prostitute.

Charming children's tale, ain't it?

"Short-eyes" is the inside term for child molesters, and 'dem douche bags make the bestest abuse bags! Helps with anger management for respectable inmates.'

(Tip 'o the hat to bartcop.com )

Vote "NO" on the 9-1-1 Tax

I am pained to have to put that headline up. Pained because the 9-1-1 emergency system is a vitally important component of public safety. But the City, and City Council have screwed up and the only way to get their attention is to hit them over the head with a two by four and deny them the money they say they want and need.

There is a city ordinance, that I have written about before, that makes calling the 9-1-1 system with a recorded message a misdemeanor criminal offense. What sort of idiot, you ask, would actually enforce such a stupid idea for an emergency medical call, say from a elderly lady with altzheimer's disease? Well, some mid-level city bureaucrat would - and does - and did to my mother no less.

When I asked City Council to remove this so that idiots like the Communication Center would not "do their duty" to actually enforce something so god-awful ... ah, they were just all sympathy and kindness. Actually, they stall a lot. They fooled me this time - I won't be so generous and trusting the next time.

They have referred it to a subcommittee - that hasn't met. Call that what it is - killing the idea.

The City Manager, whose own office doesn't even know that the Communications Center reports to him, is all PO'd at me because I call them idiots. Tough for Crumley -- it comes with the job -- I assume you are actually on the job, arn't you? Since we haven't heard from you since before the ice storm. You are about as visible in this City as Casper.

So, send City Hall a message. No more money for the 9-1-1 system until you quit threatening to haul little old ladies into court and fine them for using it.

Repuglie Party Adopts Satanic Symbol

Above are two images. The first is taken from the website of the Re-ugly Party -- out of steam, out of power and out of morals. Notice that the American stars are upside down. This is actually a Satanic Symbol that speaks to the Xtain Domionists and Baptist Bible College.

Below is the "Goat of Mendes" ... a bathomet, worshiped by Anton LeVey, Tom DeLay, and Karl is a lousy lay.

Crazy Fundies Come Up with Another "Neat Idea"

And who better to come up with the "neat idea" than Jenna?

Father-daughter "Purity Balls". I am somewhat as a loss as to what exactly she means. Is it that dad is having a ball balling his princess for purity? Or dad's balls are pure so I can go ahead and give the crowd a nip-slip before they serve the shooters and I become a sloppy drunk and fall on the floor?

Read about it HERE ....

The thought of VD(j) has crossed my mind .... except his daughters are reputedly smart.

One of the most memorable highlights of the ball is when the fathers stand in the middle of the ballroom and form a circle around their daughters standing all aglow in their lovely ball gowns. The fathers place their hands on their daughters, and together we pray for purity of mind, body, and soul for generations to come.

Heh, heh, heh ... did she actually say ""place their hands on their daughters."

Veteran of Hammeroids, VD(j)'s New Motto

VD, who loves the troops, even though he was too chickenshit to actually serve as one in any country before they threw him out, has a new motto.

The Marines have Semper (Fi)delis, always faithful.

VD(j) has Semper I .... always concerned about ME!!!

CNN Gets One Right

Breaking News from VD(j) and KTTS

Libby as Spearcatcher - Succeeds

Libby is going to jail. It remains to be seen if the judge will have the same balls as Judge Sirica did when he sentenced G. G. (R-whackjob) GeeI'maGman, or G-spot), Liddy to 40 years if he kept his mouth shut... odd how they are related by name, only two letters apart.

My guess is that 7 years in the pokey will do it. Libby the Lady will get tired of Andersonville after a couple of years and start singing like a canary to get parole ... then some of the walking-dead zombies, like Cheney and Rove will come before the bar and Hillary will be prez.

And oh, how sweet that will be.

And the really sad part of the story is that we don't know, and will probably never know, how many people who had contact with Valerie Plame and assisted the United States in our war against terrorism wound up in an alley with a bullet in the head, hundreds perhaps?

By the way -- has anyone thought of DNA testing VD(j) for Anna's baby?

VD(j) Went to BBC

He's a rude, crude, lewd, nude, dude-prude.

He has a blood-feud with Mr Mt. Vernon.

It's now ensued that he has spewed dog food.

Listen to it HERE ...

Anna was in a porn flick?

WAY KEWL!! Where do I get a copy?

The Evils of Woman, from Baptist Bible College

One thing Assama and the Phat Pfool Pfalwell share is their dislike for women. It's a common thing amongst the repugly fundamentalist types. Here is some more from the BBC Student Handbook.

All students are required to be in the dormitory not later than 10:30 PM, unless specifically excused by the dean. (Male students may be given oral permission in keeping with future evangelistic endeavors).

On Friday night, this time is extended to 11:00 PM.

Single members of the opposite sex ARE NOT to walk about the campus together, hold hands on campus, visit or sit together between classes or sit together during classes. [I guess this means I should not take any more nude photos of coeds reclining on the grass in front of the BBC sign in the middle of the night -- I was careful to do it after 10:30, when all the BBC girls were tucked into the dorm.]

Class Behavior: Be in your assigned seat and ready for work before the starting time for the class. Have your assignments, pen or pencil, and textbook ready when the professor [sic] arrives. Please stand as the professor [sic] enters the room and remain standing for a prayer, a song or a short devotion or whatever the professor [sic] may have in mind to start the class. (Multiple recitations of selected verses of the Song of Solomon are not allowed - SEE: males dating faculty)

In the cafeteria there are separate serving lines for men and women. Please observe them.

On "date night" and on Sunday noon, men and women may sit together in the cafeteria.

...pedal pushers are out of place.

Students must secure permission from their respective ayatolla ... er ...dean to accept an invitation to stay overnight in the home of a friend, to depart from the dormitory after hours or on weekends, to attend mixed parties, (also rave concerts), or to leave the city in company with the opposite sex.

Students are permitted to attend their respective church services within the city limits in company with the opposite sex (attendance will be taken), provided they return to the dormitories immediately following the services.

Gentlemen may be permitted to taxi the ladies to and from their places of employment in couples or in groups, provided both parties receive special permission from the Ayatolla .. er ... Dean. This permission is to be granted on the condition that the driver delivers his passengers or passenger at their places of employment without unnecessary stops, in a time limit needed to cover the distance in a normal driving time -- the same condition applies to the return trip.

(Hell, I can find enough loopholes in that Saria Law to get laid by the entire squad of Sugar Bears on the way to work).

Students marrying during the school year, including the [x]mas holidays, will forfeit their credits for that term and the privilege of entering the following term.

Keep in mind that BBC is a Christian institution. Not like the mudderassas others run to control people.

The Idiocy of Baptist Bible College

BBC is another one of those lib'rul 'educational institutions who brainwash innocent young, stupid, uninformed and unquestioning, college students into a particular liberal, commie, pinko, political point of view. Not only that but they have to gall to actually demand money for doing it.

Remember that BBC is not accredited by any recognized agency to grant a degree that means anything. So, realizing that this was not a marketing plus for them ... they got together with two other ultra-revolutionary fellow traveler trade schools to accredit themselves.

A few years ago the original Curbstone Critic, Tom Ellis, gave me the Student Handbook for BBC. I am delighted to bring you some passages from it to demonstrate how they train future members of the IRA and Red Guards.

In the message from the Prez ... Rev. Doc Supreme Father Confessor Vick .. the students are warned:

"... if our students do not develop into [x]tian leaders, Baptist Bible College is of no use to them, and they are of no use to Baptist Bible College."

And of what use might they be to BBC? Hummm? As intellectual leaders in government? In academics? Most likely on talk radio.

Of course there are a lot of "DON'T"s in the Student Handbook ... a lot more than do's. Here are a couple:

DON'T practice gambling in any way, dancing, or attendance at theaters. [sic]

DON'T attend meetings of secret societies while in school.

DON'T have TV sets or "trashy" literature in your dormitory room.

I will leave it to the reader to make up his own jokes.

ATTENDANCE AT CHAPEL:

ALL students are REQUIRED to attend chapel at the designated hour each week. Any absences from chapel must be reported on the Practical Work Report with reasons for the absence stated on the back of the Work Report Sheet. Single men and single women sit in separate sections in Chapel.

Wait ... I have already used all my space and am only up to page 10 in the Student Handbook. The goodies on dating and personal conduct are yet to come. More later.