Friday, March 31, 2006

A Fine Slate of Candidates

The 7th District of Missouri Congressthief (above), Billy'BoyToyRoy (R-KStreetBuddy), who has never been known to turn down money, or Jack Abramoff's free steaks, seems to win no matter what. Maybe the reason is the quality of his opponents.

This year he will be opposed by a transgendered person, who can never pass a Victoria's Secret or Bass Pro Shops without stopping, and a star of the movie "Phone Sex Grandma."

Here's a graf from Randy Turner ,who writes the
Turner Report. (Incidentally, you can hear a fine interview with Randy on this week's Street Talk, in the sidebar.)

A "Phone Sex Grandma" and the "Son of a Stripper" filed today to run for two U. S. House seats.Opal Dockery, Lamar, star (and only cast member) of the nine-minute movie, "Phone Sex Grandma," has filed on the Democratic ticket to oppose incumbent Rep. Sam Graves in the Fourth District, while her son, Jack Truman (formerly Jack Kerney, but if you're from Lamar Truman has to sound attractive), director of "Phone Sex Grandma" and star and director of the upcoming film "Son of a Stripper," filed today on the Democratic ticket to make his second effort to unseat incumbent Seventh District Congressman Roy Blunt."Phone Sex Grandma" was featured recently at the Slamdance Film Festival in Los Angeles. According to the festival website, it was produced by Truman and Ms. Dockery, written by Ms. Dockery, edited by Truman, scored by Truman (to prevent any misunderstandings, that means he wrote the music) and stars Ms. Dockery. The film's description says it is about a "60-something grandma working a phone sex line in a small Southern ghost town."

At least the Libs are running someone sane ... .naw ... I didn't really say that.

Did I?

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Gay Marriage

I was talking with Newt Gingrich the other night about how I was opposed to gay people getting married and being as miserable as the rest of us.

"Newt", said I, "Don't you want that committment to fidelity and union that you had with your first wife?"

"Don't you want to love her in sickness and in health and compassionately care for her in her time of need, like you did with your second wife?"

"Don't you think that you should discuss the proceeds of book deals, speaking engagements, and lobbyist money like you are doing with your third wife?"

Newt thought about it for a minute and then commented that he wouldn't be opposed to Dick-Dick Cheney marrying Vito Scalia.

33,000 Households Flee Baghdad

From the BBC. Don't expect the American Media to report this.

In response to the US-caused civil war in Iraq over 33,000 households have been abandoned in Baghdad and the residents have fled to their various ethnic communities in other parts of the country.

In response to our occupation, the loss of 2,300 of our military lives, the wounding of over 17,000 military, the expenditure of what is now being talked about in the trillions of dollars, and the loss of an estimated 100,000 Iraqui lives (we don't count - who cares), and the deaths of many US and other Western civilians, the situation continues to spin downhill.

The Smirking Chimp and his menagerie of killers in the White House says that we arn't reporting the good news. Here's the good news.


Here's the bad news:


Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Preemptive Strike at the Gutless Anonymous Liar

The GAL is around to reading this blog from about the first of December. He will no-doubt leave comments like before on something ... poo-spreading, I call it. See an example HERE.

He is more fun to watch than a nudist playing the accordian.

So I found a website that saves me the trouble of wasting time to think of some way to make him look more foolish with the
Random Insult Generator. Here is my reply in response to his future post:

You post in a way that makes slugs and other invertebrates look like Nobel Prize winners. Your ineffective imitation of good posting style only serves to illuminate your lack of substance, good taste, and decency.

If there's an idea in your head, it's in solitary confinement. You're just another Internet-addicted idiot suffering from diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the mind.

Oh well, at least you only charge what your free advice is worth. I suggest you need Mark Twain's advice; "It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."

You are a bore, and a very dull one at that. I'd get more pleasure from running my nostrils down a cactus, than reading another contribution from you. Maybe you wouldn't be such a Jerk-In-The-Box if you weren't so dense that light bends around you; if your weren't so fat that all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 80 Patrons OR You.", or if you weren't so ugly that even the tide wouldn't take you out. Who am I kidding? You would.

Finally, why don't you go and get lost somewhere where they don't have a "found" department?

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Good Parent/Bad Parent

Monday, March 27, 2006

The Federline Formerly Known as "Fetus"

In a press release yesterday we discover that a very nekkid Brittany who is also very heavy with Fetus has a statue. A statue that probably depicts why Fetus is now a girl.

The latest word from Fetus is that she is very unhappy with mom. For a smart girl-to-be to be depicted as mom in a pose right off the stage is just not to her prim and proper upbringing.

The Former Fetus Federline has now placed herself on e-Bay and will go to the highest bidder.

Anything ... and I do mean anything ... is better than mom.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

HOT !!! News Flash !!!!

Chuckles Chuckie Wooten (R- MailMangler) did not say anything so stupid on radio station KWTO this morning that was worth clipping for you to be appalled/laugh at him/learn to make a fetilizer bomb.

Tomorrow is another day.

The Sinking of the Good Ship George

Go HERE and watch a dramatic presentation as the nation changes from red to purple to blue.

And more fun is to come this summer as the Abramoff indictments reach their peak.

Friday, March 24, 2006

A Real Woodie

Christ in the Crotch

The one and only PZ Meyers mentioned this in his blog Pharyngula (it's in the sidebar). So it would be best if I put it here since he gave a link to the blog.

I'm keeping the location a secret until the t-shirts are printed and the Budweiser license is finalized. The city is giving me grief because of the parking....

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Good Eats

Other than Springfield's own Longhair Persian Kitty Cashew, Granny Geek and The Snarling Marmont are fond of putting some food goodies up on their blogs. So I will do the same. Since I don't measure stuff here is a list of the ingredients -- put them together in your own artistic way.

One or two avocados. (These are one of those fruits that are best peeled and that thingy in the middle taken out so you can choke a squirrel) Cubed

One or two grapefruit ... whole is not recommended ...

Some Good Seasons fresh Italian Zesty dressing (the stuff you put together yourself - with olive oil)

Some lettuce

Salt to taste

Whatever else you have lying around -- sprouts, old hambones, tomato(e), tequila, a L'il Smokey left over from the State of the Union Address party, go easy on the Pringles though.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Waiter, There's a Furball on My Fork

Good meeting of the Springfield Bloggers tonight. I counted thirteen ... and I may have missed a few. Gone from two or three to thirteen .... many fine writers around this berg ...

Line of the night.

What is the difference between David Koresh and Bill Bennett?

Bill Bennett is STILL smokin' !!!!

To fulfill a promise to whoever it is that I tried to sing this song to after 12 Double Chocolate Beers ... I offer the following link of the story of the cat at the Peking Moon. (turn on your speakers)

FBI has Never Heard of Hotmail

According to a story yesterday many FBI Agents don't have email accounts due to budget difficulties/ahem, computer problems/dial-up connections are overloaded/ is slow today.

So how in the world do they actually know that that Nigerian guy doesn't actually have ten million dollars he can send me.

Got a hint for those poor guys. Send the email intended for them -- to me. They read mine twice a day.

The Civil War in Iraq

Queen George says there is no civil war in Iraq.

He has his head up his ass.

About 70 people are dying every day in Iraq. If this were translated to the United States it would mean that about 800 would be dying every day.

This is more than our own civil war produced.

Would we call in a civil war here?

You bet your fat fanny we would.

Who Bush's Xtian God-Bots Support

In Afganistan there is a man who is on trial for his life for converting from Islam to Christianity 16 years ago.

Here are statements from the trial that show what we are spending our treasure and lives of our Army to encourage.

Here's the definition of "tolerance" in Sharia law:

Trial judge Ansarullah Mawlazezadah told the BBC that Mr Rahman, 41, would be asked to reconsider his conversion, which he made while working for a Christian aid group in Pakistan.
"We will invite him again because the religion of Islam is one of tolerance. We will ask him if he has changed his mind. If so we will forgive him," the judge told the BBC on Monday.

Or consider this statement from the prosecutor:

The prosecutor, Abdul Wasi, said he had offered to drop the charges if Mr Rahman converted back to Islam, but he refused. "He would have been forgiven if he changed back. But he said he was a Christian and would always remain one," Mr Wasi said. "We are Muslims and becoming a Christian is against our laws. He must get the death penalty."

Here's a scary thought: Does anyone want to take bets on how long it is before we start seeing stories like this emerging from Iraq?

From Respectful Insolence link in the sidebar.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Will Durst Calls for Calmly Impeaching Them

I don't know about you guys, but I am so sick and tired of these lying, thieving, holier-than-thou, right-wing, cruel, crude, rude, gauche, coarse, crass, cocky, corrupt, dishonest, debauched, degenerate, dissolute, swaggering, lawyer shooting, bullhorn shouting, infrastructure destroying, hysterical, history defying, finger-pointing, puppy stomping, roommate appointing, pretzel choking, collateral damaging, aspersion casting, wedding party bombing, clear cutting, torturing, jobs outsourcing, torture outsourcing, "so-called" compassionate-conservative, women's rights eradicating, Medicare cutting, uncouth, spiteful, boorish, vengeful, noxious, homophobic, xenophobic, xylophonic, racist, sexist, ageist, fascist, cashist, audaciously stupid, brazenly selfish, lethally ignorant, journalist purchasing, genocide ignoring, corporation kissing, poverty inducing, crooked, coercive, autocratic, primitive, uppity, high-handed, domineering, arrogant, inhuman, inhumane, insolent, know-it-all, snotty, pompous, contemptuous, supercilious, gutless, spineless, shameless, avaricious, poisonous, imperious, merciless, graceless, tactless, brutish, brutal, Karl Roving, backward thinking, persistent vegetative state grandstanding, nuclear option threatening, evolution denying, irony deprived, depraved, insincere, conceited, perverted, pre-emptory invading of a country that had absolutely nothing to do with 911, 35 day vacation taking, bribe soliciting, incapable, inbred, hellish, proud for no apparent reason, smarty pants, loudmouth, bullying, swell headed, ethnic cleansing, ethics eluding, domestic spying, medical marijuana busting, kick backing, Halliburtoning, New Deal disintegrating, narcissistic, undiplomatic, blustering, malevolent, demonizing, baby seal clubbing, Duke Cunninghamming, hectoring, verbally flatulent, pro-bad, anti-good, Moslem baiting, photo-op arranging, hurricane disregarding, oil company hugging, judge packing, science disputing, faith based mathematics advocating, armament selling, nonsense spewing, education ravaging, whiny, unscrupulous, greedy exponential factor fifteen, fraudulent, CIA outing, redistricting, anybody who disagrees with them slandering, fact twisting, ally alienating, betraying, god and flag waving, scare mongering, Cindy Sheehan libeling, phony question asking, just won't get off the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge drilling, two-faced, inept, callous, menacing, oppressive, vulgar, antagonistic, brush clearing, suck-up, showboating, tyrannizing, peace hating, water and air and ground and media polluting -- which is pretty much all the polluting you can get -- deadly, illegal, pernicious, lethal, haughty, venomous, virulent, ineffectual, mephitic, egotistic, bloodthirsty, incompetent, hypocritical, did I say evil, I'm not sure if I said evil, because I want to make sure I say evil... EVIL, cretinous, fool, toad, buttwipe, lizardstick, cowardly, lackey imperialistic tool slime buckets in the Bush Administration that I could just spit. Impeachment, hell no. Impalement.

Come'on Will, tell us what you really think.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Way Kewl Molecular Science

Read about a significant accomplishment in computer modeling/molecular biology HERE.

I began to participate in shared computer resources about 7 years ago when the first start was made by the scientific community. Called SETI@home it was an attempt to use the "down time" of personal computers to do massive analysis of radio telescope data collected by the Aricebo Radio Telescope in Puerto Rico. It was run by a group at Berkeley. That same group has now refined it's interaction with users, and billions of hours of computing time have been provided to various projects. I now still participate in SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) but also in looking for a solution to the Protein Folding Probem, a really tough nut to crack. The entire system is now called BOINC.

This project used a supercomputer and here are a couple of grafs:

Running on a machine at the National Center for Supercomputing Applications, Urbana, the program calculated how each of the million or so atoms in the virus and a surrounding drop of salt water was interacting with almost every other atom every femtosecond, or millionth of a billionth of a second.

The team managed to model the entire virus in action for 50 billionths of a second. Such a task would take a desktop computer around 35 years, says Schulten. "This is just a first glimpse," he says. "But it looks gorgeous."

The fleeting simulation, published in this month's Structure, reveals that although the virus looks symmetrical it pulses in and out asymmetrically, as if it were breathing1.

The model also shows that the virus coat collapses without its genetic material. This suggests that, when reproducing, the virus builds its coat around the genetic material rather than inserting the genetic material into a complete coat. "We saw something that is truly revolutionary," Schulten says.

Good Baptists... Bad Baptists

On crap-radio KWTO this morning Chuckie-Chuckles Wooten mostly wanted to express his dismay at a good high-school student, who happens to be a Mexican, should be put in jail and then kicked out of the country. Fine Xtain that Chuckie is ... he is also your typical Ozarks racist ... or maybe that is redundant. As bad as he was .. .the callers were worse.

But I think Granny Geek will take him to task for this loudmouthing .... instead I will provide a clip from a Baptist Preacher ... who doesn't like what other Baptist Preachers do ... even though they exactly represent his beliefs ... although not his public statements. (Which make him --- A HYPOCRIT!!!) Baptists are as much hypocrits as the rest of the fundamentalist crowd of homemade ayatollahs.

I find it interesting that Preacher Bill will condemn Reverend Fred Phelps, but won't condemn the also frequent caller to KWTO, and prominate member of the Cherry Street Baptist Church, Paul Summers, who says EXACTLY the same thing about gays as Fred Phelps.

The whole religion is rotton to the core.

Listen to it HERE.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Chuck Wooten Commits Another Stupid

For those who don't listen to the running joke of Springfield, (also known as radio station KWTO) here is another example of the brillant souls they have as "talk show hosts".


Chuckie-Chuck the former letter sorter, now runs a cemetary. Use your imagination. He is all corked off because he can't restrict speech on public property, and knows that he would get sued corporately and personally if he tries to do it. He can't bring in the cops and their trunchons to do it for him either ... their budgets don't allow for some dufuss like Pfred Phelps and his Xtian Gawd Ministry "Gawd Hates Fags" to get rich at their expense.

Chuckie's solution. Call in the motorcycle gangs.

He doesn't mention whether or not it would be OK just to boot-stomp a few of them out-of-state idiots, or chain-whup 'em, or maybe just take them out to the old meth lab in the woods and stick their heads in a bottle of ether.

Listen to it HERE.

Storm Coverage in SGF

Ron Davis of CHATTER and DocLarry of Lost Chord (both linked in the sidebar) had a very interesting program on Street Talk about the news coverage of the storms this week. Also on the program was Joe Hadsell of the Nixa Weekly paper.

Their analysis of what was good, bad and really ugly about the events of Sunday night, when we were all in a very dangerous situation, is excellent. You can listen to a podcast of the program by going to Street Talk (also in the sidebar).

Friday, March 17, 2006

Is Chuck Wooten On KWTO lying about his Background??

Chuck Wooten on Shit-radio KWTO has claimed that he is a former US Postal Inspector.

My father was a US Postal Inspector.

I still get all sorts of things from the Retired Postal Inspectors organizations about their membership and goings-on.

Chuck Wooten is not listed as a former Postal Inspector from the Memphis District. Maybe he has been forgotten ... but on the other hand maybe he is lying. In talking with him about the Inspection service, and judging from his answers. I think he is lying. I have a paperweight with my fathers old Postal Inspection Badge, and his comissions for twenty years.

Maybe Chuck would prove me wrong by showing one of his old cancelled commissions.

Why You Shouldn't Shop at Radio Shack

Because they are jerks and don't care about their customers, and are going to go bankrupt.

Let me give you two personal experiences.

First, my last purchase from Radio Shack was a TV for my mother. $120 bucks. But it did have a $30 rebate. So I went thru all the hassle of filling out their forms copying the receipts, and all those other games that they make you play and sent it in. It's been 90 days now ... and no rebate. A letter of complaint went out to the Missouri Attorney General a couple of days ago. They don't have any money so can't give you the money they owe you. And they are going to get one great big fine.

Second, I went into their store on the plaza to pick up some miscellaneous stuff. I came to about $50 dollars. As I have done for years, I started to write a check. The waitress told me he needed my address, which is strange because they mail me a catalog every once in awhile... and have done so for years. And then he wanted TWO telephone numbers (cell phone sale maybe??). I told him I only had one telephone number and then the idiot said to give him a friend's telephone number. My response was screw you, walked out and will never go back.

He said that his manager demanded to do this ... that's probably a bullshit response ... but actually I wouldn't be surprised at all if some management type actually said this.

Anybody surprised that they are going to close 700 stores and probably go into recievership? Sell your stock today at any price.

Nazi's in the Ozarks

I don't know whether to thank Tom Knapp (knappster) for providing a link to the vile racist Glenn Miller's "forums", or to throw a brick at him for even mentioning something as stomach turning as what you see there. So disgusting that I won't even give him the benefit of a link ... you can find it. Have your barf bags in your lap.

I am reminded again by the song by Chumbuwamba:

The Day The Nazi Died

We're taught that after the war the Nazis vanished without a trace
But batallions of fascists still dream of a master race
The history books they tell of their defeat in forty-five
But they all come out of the woodwork on the day the Nazi died
They say the prisoner of Spandau was a symbol of defeat
Whilst Hess remained imprisoned and the fascists they were beat
So the promise of an aryan world would never materialise
So why did they all come out of the woodwork on the day the Nazi died

The world is riddled with maggots--the maggots are getting fat
They're making a tasty meal of all the bosses and bureacrats
They're taking over the board rooms and they're fat and full of pride
And they all came out of the woodwork on the day the Nazi died
So if you meet with these historians I'll tell you what to say
Tell them that the Nazis never really went away
They're out there burning houses down and peddling racist lies
And we'll never rest again until every Nazi dies

Thursday, March 16, 2006

An apology

Yesterday another SGF blogger sent me an e-mail. In one of my more spectacular bonehead moves, I sent it to the wrong address and it was very publically talked about on shit-station KWTO.

I fully deserve to be embarrassed, and I am, and I have apologised to all the parties involved.

I can understand why the radio person might want to get my goat .... I return the favor as often as possible ... and actually we kinda' like each other. But it was not fair for him to drag another person into it, and embarrass him.

So to all the bloggers who will certainly hear about this in the next few day, I also apologise. I did not bring credit on myself or the blogging community by being stupid.

John Stone

What It Doing at the MOXIE

Dan and the gang at the MOXIE has a new feature on the MOXIE Blog.

He has trailers from the movie that's playing ... plus some MOXIE info. A must see.

Be sure not to miss the comments of the cinemaphotographer-ist who manages to give his thoughts in no less than 4 languages at the same time -- including pig latin.

Very clever people ... Springfield is lucky to have them around.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Sign an on-line Petition


Dear Mr. Reed, Rev. Sheldon, and Mr. Dobson,

For years, you've attacked the freedom of women to control their own bodies, waged war on gay marriage, and fought to erode one of the most central tenets of our Constitution: the separation between church and state.

You've always claimed the moral high ground, asserting the right to tell people how to live and condemning millions of Americans for actions you deemed immoral. But your high ground is washed away. After years of condemning gambling as a social ill, you're caught knee-deep in pro-gambling campaigns hatched by indicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff. It's time to stop telling others how to act -- and start practicing what you preach.

End your hypocrisy.

Signed by:[Your name][Your address]

Ozarks Storms

The weather Bureau is now reporting that the tornado count in Monday's storms is 113, across the state, mostly in SW MO. If this number holds up it is the highest one day total number of storms in history.

I am a HAM radio operator, been licensed with the same call since 1959, K0UWT (that's a zero). I don't do a lot with it nowadays, but I do follow the HAM Stormwatch nets during bad weather. They have one of the meteriologists at the weather bureau who mans the radios that are interconnected to all the trained storm spotters, and the county emergency response departments surrounding Springfield. As a rule, I hear storm information at least ten minutes before it filters down to radio and TV. And many HAMS have gone through formal weather spotting courses, and are not your usual yokel who sees things in the sky which are not there.

If you have a police scanner you can listen to this net on 146.490 MHz. If you don't I would suggest buying one, just for this reason, at a place like Radio Shack.

For example, I listened to the progress of a tornado in the air as it crossed the city tracking down Division Street, with great interest, since I only live about a mile south of Division. (If I had lived north of Division, I would have headed to the basement.) It was several minutes before this storm was reported on Channel 3, which I was also watching. Needless to say this was a very dangerous situation.

It is remarkable that there were only ten deaths across Missouri, most of which were from this area, in these storms. At least part of this was that by early afternoon the Storm Forcast Center has issued a warning that many long-track tornados could be expected. It is of great interest to everyone that Rick Santorum (R-Weasel) has proposed shutting down the National Weather Service and privatizing it. So only if you were willing to pay for storm info would you be informed. Think of that the next time you hear a Repug in SW Missouri speak glowingly about the wonders of the "free market".

Monday, March 13, 2006

Fuck to Fry the Cow River

Sponge liver pig soup ...

Granny Geek and the Snarling Marmot have various eat goodies in their blogs. Since Granny accuses me of theft of her ideas, I just go ahead and steal another.

I love the oriental culture, food, history ... and especially the Japanese bikini girls. (Suck it up Los Angles). Anyone who has lived in an area with authentic Japanese or Chinese resturants has delighted in every one. Many of the menus are only printed in ideograms, and ordering can be a real treat. Some owners don't catch on to English any more than I can say more than "good morning" in Mandrin.

A wag actually bought a menu just so he could reproduce it on his blog ... and it is a scream.

Way Kewl one from Zack ...

Zack has put up a video taken by Dan and the gang at the MOXIE during intermission.

This place is just way too good for Springfield, and I agree with Zack ... .I don't get there as much as I should ... last time I almost fell asleep during the movie because I go during bedtime ....

See the MOXIE blog here.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Give Me Your Homeless, Starving, Sick ...???

That's what Jesus said.

The Christians in the Ozarks say .... "Screw you and your librul, leftist, socialist ideas J-man."

Listen to this fine Xtian woman talk on Chuckie-Chuck's radio show on KWTO about how all them low-lifes interfere with the important things that Jesus taught ... like making money.

Find the clip here.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

One Just for the CHATTERismist-guy

Lying for Jesus, Part II

The latest reincarnation of biblical creationism, called "Intelligent Design", is losing in every forum of the old creationism, in spite of the best spinning by the advocates.

The latest occurence is in the small town of Dover, PA, where the local school board lost the first court case brought by the ACLU, parents, clergymen and other interested parties.

The really sad thing ... and be forwarned any who might want to try to cram this stinker down our throats... is it cost the taxpayers of this small district $1 million in legal fees, plus whatever they spent for themselves. If your school board has a few million sitting around doing nothing, take this one on.

The best discussion I have seen of the history of "Intelligent Design" is found here, and is highly recommended reading.

All 'dem Nigras' is gonna get rich ...

It's hard to imagine just how stupid local talk radio can be. On KWTO for instance, they have a weekend "host" (cough cough) who is 85 years old, a retired letter carrier and one who imagines himself a politician that the world loves. Why? Because he was elected to City Council once, and the State Lege once. That makes him a real combination of KKKarl Rove and Richard Nixon.

Typical politician -- he has problems with facts -- for instance, having any.

He prefers to read stuff that is collected for him by some $5/hr station go-fer who has visions of grandeur hisself.

Today is a good example. He says that dem darkies in New Orleans are gonna' get rich, very rich, off our taxes. Listen to the clip here.

One can only wonder how many miles of the 200 or so of the levys that need replacing each family of four will be responsible for rebuilding?

Racist and stupid. That's our Chuckie-Chuck.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Gawd is Pissed !!

Pissed !! I say, son, pissed !!

Pissed at Rep. Dixon in Missouri. Pissed at the Kansas Board of Education. Pissed at the Discovery Institute. Pissed at Michael Behe. Pissed at the Pfat Pfool Pfalwell. Really pissed at weasels like Rick Santorum.

Those creeps have been telling Him, in all His Glory of Noodleness what he should be doing. And he ain't too keen on those little people giving Him instructions. He figures He can take care of His business without some blow-dried, collagen-pumped, money-grubing, preacher-wanna'-be telling Him how he should handle the universe.

According to a press release from Gawd this morning: "I am pissed that after all that time I spent having fun creating atoms, quarks, gluons, strings, gravitinos, membranes, multi-verses, corn likker, and black holes, those cretinists tell me that I had some idiot lie down in the dust and I did big time surgery on him and made another one who listens to talking snakes.


"In my image, my ass. Who wants to look like that old pouf Pity-Pat Robertson or Tammy Fey Bakker anyway."

"The only ones who have got it right on this screwed-up speck of dirt they call the center of the universe are the Pastafarians. And all they are doing is getting fat."

"I've had it. Time for another shipment of frogs. Or maybe a nice rain of plague. Maybe a pillar of fire to clean up that waste of a city, San Fransisco.

Anything to get rid of Kent Hovind.

Bowing to a Higher Power

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Since Queen George is mostly in the toilet now, I thought I would give it a good flush. (Click on the title) Be sure to click the Monkey Buttons.

Play the new board game and learn how to lie, cheat and steal. Can the world call you, Vito?

Treasures of entire nations and peoples lie at your feet and your mindnumbed robots will say and do anything to get it all for you. You are loved.

All winners can enter a drawing to share a Lone Star Beer with Dick-Dick and then do a little bird shooting.

Requiem for a Dog

For all those who have had, or have, or will have, pets. Read this touching piece from Carl Buell at Olduvai George.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

White, Blind and Hairy ....

Ann Coulter (R-ManlyMan) is discovered 7500 feet beneath the surface of the ocean.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Notes from Zepp ... the Genius of George

The Bush-Baby said:

“I explained [to Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf] that Pakistan and India were two different countries, with different needs and different histories, so we will address the issue differently.”

Thanks, George, for making that clear. I’m betting that Musharraf needed a reminder that Pakistan and India were two different countries. I’m sure it just slipped his mind. Incidently, Iceland and Tahiti are two different countries, as well. You might want to jot that factoid down, in the event that you are addressing some staunch party loyalists and want to dazzle them with your brilliance.

Trust me, it’ll work.

He also declared India and Pakistan to be “strategic partners.” Much the way the US and the USSR were strategic partners during the cold war, one supposes. This is a new, Putschean definition of strategic partnership, in which each side occasionally threatens the other with nuclear weapons, and in which the two sides have fought three significant wars in the past 60 years and have an on-going border dispute that has become the world’s longest slow-motion battle.

The real idiocy in George’s trip to the subcontinent was that he gave nuclear technology to India and unilaterally exempted the country from international inspections. The idea behind this is that America is hoping that India will abuse the technology and become a significant deterrent to China, but in doing this, Putsch betrayed one of the few allies he has left, Pakistan. Granted, Pakistan, home to Osama bin Laden and much of the al Qaida leadership, isn’t much of an ally, but when you are reduced to just them and a god-struck cringing Tony Blair, it might be a good idea to throw them a bone.

Granted, Putsch, as befits the president of the United States, had to sneak into and out of Pakistan and India at night, with the cabin lights in Air Force One blacked out, and most commercial air traffic in the two countries afflicted by the presidential visit grounded. Only a small minority of people in either country would much mind if Air Force One got shot down, but the paperwork would be incredible. Not to mention the prospect of duck hunting with President Cheney.

The Indians were ecstatic. Hitler, hearing about the Munich conference, could hardly have been more pleased, and for pretty much the same reason: the major power brokering country had just inexplicably sold out a bitter rival and unaccountably given them more than they dared hope for. "I think we have managed to get a rather good deal," said one Indian official who was probably wondering if he should ask George for Czechoslovakia while he was at it.

The notion of an unbalanced nuclear race on the subcontinent is a disturbing one. China has little or no interest in attacking India – the place is huge and has an immense and highly varied population that would be considerably harder to control than, say, Iraq or Afghanistan. China might have an interest in economic domination, but military conflict beyond border disputes is unlikely.

So all Putsch did was annoy the Chinese to no benefit, while antagonizing the Pakistanis. And gave away far too much to India, which is not exactly in the American sphere of influence. Among others who enjoy favored-nation status with the Indians are three of Putsch’s favorite rogue states – Myanmar, Cuba and Syria. (Granted, Pakistan is cozy with North Korea and Libya, which goes to show that Putsch’s buddies all have America’s best interests at heart).
Despite the efforts of America’s whore media to present the negotiations as a diplomatic triumph, Putsch will catch a lot of flak at home, since India has become sort of the poster child for all that is wrong with globalization. It’s pretty unlikely that Congress or the American public will be happy with his efforts.

So why did Putsch’s handlers do this? (Putsch had nothing to do with it – he was there to make happy babble about the United States enjoying a mango).

Well, they figure to contain China, which this arrangement will not do. They figure to make kissy face with India, which will get the US a few happy looks from the Indians who will continue to follow their own interests. (India was notoriously non-aligned during the cold war, and isn’t likely to take sides with distant, alien America as America tries to staunch the flow of economic and strategic power to Asia that globalization has brought about.

If you are wondering why the administration would do something that was so obviously futile and destructive to America’s own interests, remember that this is the same administration that managed to fail to stop a small band of terrorists from killing 3,000 Americans and doing half a trillion dollars in damage, failed to help a US city that got destroyed, got the US into a hopeless quagmire in Iraq, and managed to destroy health care for seniors while exploding the national debt.

And the motivation is the same that has led to all those other catastrophes: they put politics ahead of policy.

The White House clearly needed something positive to offset the unending series of calamities at home. And so it was reasoned that doing something dramatic for globalist interests would please the globalists, who own much of America’s once-proud media.

The only trouble is that Republicans always bow and scrape too much; at best, they give the intended beneficiaries so much that it works against them; other times they are simply so anxious to please their masters that they fail to think through the possible ramifications.

So the globalists looked at this sudden destabilization of what had been a fairly level balance of power between two nations that utterly hate one another, and the alienation of the one country that could perhaps prevent the entire middle east and sub continent from turning into a giant Iraq, and they are giving Putsch a lukewarm response. They didn’t even bother to cover up his verbal gaffes and statements of sheer idiocy like they normally do.

So not only did Putsch hurt American interests on this trip, but he hurt corporate interests as well. And he’ll pay for that.

The media won’t proclaim him a hero on the level of Churchill or Lao-Tse the way they normally do whenever he visits a foreign country and fails to get assassinated.

And the administration will have found that the real purpose of the trip has failed. Pundits, bloggers and the nightly news will still be talking about the Dubai port deal, Iraq, Medicare, and the general decline of America.

And as a result, terrorists will suddenly find it much easier to cross the borders out of Pakistan and into Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran, where they can bedevil the poor bastards Putsch has planted there to look tough on terror.

But we are going to enjoy those mangos .......

Friday, March 03, 2006

History's Dumbest Idea ....

And for once it is not from the White House ... it's from the Russians.

The proposal is this: Since golf is a popular sport why not set a record for a drive of a golf ball? With or without a graphite shaft. (What sort of Freudian thing are golfers into anyway?)

The proposal is for a Russian spacewaker to hit a golf ball off the International Space Station. Yep: You read that right. Off the ISS. Not even as clever as Al Sheppard demoing the moons gravity by doing the same drive. And the ball will (depending on which direction he hits the ball), stay in orbit for years and years.

Great .. assuming the driver doesn't dig one great big divot in the ISS and just go ahead an kill himself right away....

One more piece of space debris to wreck and kill some future naught type who may not even like golf. Anyone who has seen the damage a simple paint chip can do to the 3" thick window of a shuttle can imagine the damage of a 2 ounce golf ball.

But this is about the level of science shown by the ISS and the Shuttle combined. It's almost as scientific as the experiment of how roses smell in space that was an experiment - and I use that term very loosely - on the ill-fated Columbia.

Dump the whole damn white elephant in the Pacific.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

The Magnitude of the Incompetence

Oh. My. Gawd.

I have had a case of the crud and been laid low for a couple of days. I come out of a Benadryl induced haze just long enough this afternoon to hear that there is a Videotape!!! Another videotape!!! It's amazing that George Bush has a 34% popularity rating. Even the goobers in the Ozarks have to toss up their hands at this one and agree with Garrison Keillor, GARRISON KEILLOR!!!!, time has come to impeach the bastards.

Remember when ChuckleNuts got on ABC on Thursday after Katrina and said that no one could have forseen that the New Orleans levy would be breached. That was a flat-out lie. And what did we impeach Clinton for doing, oh, that's right, getting his dick pulled by his girlfriend. There are 1,200 KNOWN!! dead in New Orleans.

Oh, the Chimp knew all right. He was warned in terms that left no doubt of the impending disaster no less that 19 hours before it happened. And what did he do. He sat there like a turtle in the sun and did not do a single thing ... no order to the military to gear up every 6 x 6 in the southeast to load up whatever water, MRE's, cots, tents, medical facilities, rescue craft and get their ass headed toward New Orleans. And 1,200 people died. If they had to go buy it out of a Walmart warehouse --- do it!!! Just for gawd's sake do something.

While 1,200 people were drowning, Georgie was in San Diego, partying with some political pals and air-strumming a guitar.

I ask you right wing whack-jobs out there - what has this White house not lied to us about?

Iraq has WMDs?

We are gonna' get him, dead or alive?

This Rx drug plan is a great deal for seniors?

The war will only cost $1.7 billion?

Rhummy on looting of Iraq Nation Treasures: "Stuff happens"

Mission Accomplished

We got'em on the run.

Rhummy on how he protected sons and daughters: "You don't go to war with the Army you want. You go with the Army you have."

1,200 dead in New Orleans.

2,350 dead in Iraq.

300 dead in Afganistan.

"You're doing a fine job there Brownie"

You have asked enough questions I gotta' go play my gameboy now.