Genius of the Day Award

For the best internet post goes to Bob Park, for this on "What's News".

NASA: DISCOVERY SET FOR LAUNCH TOMORROW, BUT JUST IN CASE... The mission is to see if the modified shuttle works. Everybody watches their fuel tanks these days, but NASA watches closer. The plan is for the crew to take refuge on the ISS if they find any damage when they get there. But what about the shuttle? It cost a few billion bucks, never mind what's it's worth. No problem! They rigged a 28-foot cable so flight controllers on the ground can throw the switches. I called Ann Thropojinic, a veteran astronaut we have relied on in the past, to explain these things. "Does this mean the only function of the crew is to throw a few switches?" I asked. "Not at all," she replied, "the crew is there to do weightless tricks for the cameras."

Pigman. Busted. Again.

The insufferable Pigman was detained for a few hours last night.

As the CHATTERismist-guy says, this is a story that you don't really want to think too long or ... er...ahem .... hard, about.

He was carrying a bottle ov Viagra. Made out in the name of the prescribing physician. Limba says this was to preserve his privacy, but the RULE OF LAW says that this is a violation of several statutes, incuding diversion. And we all know how much those people respect THE RULE OF LAW don't we?

Viagra, eh? Too bad the detail of how many is missing from the story. My guess is one. Simply because of his history with woman-success. Once is enough for most women who have an IQ that exceeds the average number of an Ozarker's teeth.

Poor ol' Pigman. Everybody is on his ass (only because with the size of his ass, everybody can get on it). Al writes that book. Mike plays clips. There is a game show called truth, lie or weasel, based on his show. Ratings are sinking faster than KWTO in a tsunami.

It gives new meaning to the hope he will serve some hard time.

All's right with the world today.

Head On

I was just listening to an early morning news program and there was an ad for “Head On”. What’s that? You ask. Well, beats me because the ad never said what the product is supposed to do, all that the ad talked about was that you apply it to your forehead, and it is not greasy and it can be carried in the purse or pocket.

Hummm … maybe it’s intended to grow hair on your forehead, or create wrinkles.

At any rate … if it doesn’t, never fear. There is a money-back guarantee that it will do … do …. Whatever it will do, it’s guaranteed.

Hatch/Harkin run amok.

Branson Missouri

I took a trip to Branson yesterday. I wanted to see the new Branson Landing (shown above). I tend to be suspious of this project. It was a lot of money that a very small community committed, and it did tend to destroy a section of town on the waterfront that I called true Ozarks, and others called an eyesore.

I was pleasently suprised. The facade of the mall has a Disneyland feel to it, and it is pleseant to look at. I was particularly interested in the fountains (see more photos HERE). As you can see they are very attractive. I will have to go back after dark to see the gas flames and the water effects -- ala The Venetian. But there is lots of movement, so that it's not just a shower stall, water falling down over a facade, hackneyed fountain effect, that you see in so many mediocre fountains.

Then I caught Jim Stafford's Show. I am proud to count Jim as a friend and I hadn't seen the show in a year or so. As usual it was wonderful. He has made many changes in the production -- again -- as as is typical with Jim, all of them work. I think I am fussy. Jim Stafford is a perfectionist when it comes to that show.

The audience of all ages had a great time and I got a few minutes to say HI to Jim and GG and Shea. I did miss seeing Anne, but she was busy selling the Stafford CD's ... she is the business brain behind the operation. Lawdy ... you just got to see the Stafford kids and how talented they are ... and have been -- since they were very, very young.

No photos from the show because brain-dead-moran that I am I was playing around with the camera, managed to set it on time delay, and could not figure out how to turn it off. So rather than distract the entertainers or audience I will just get photos next time. Is this why they make manuals 3x4 inches ... so dummies can put them in the camera case?

VD(J) Dances Around a Tree Stump at Midnight - Nekkid

VD(J) has just been chortling the Rickity Sanitorium (R-Loser) announced that we had finally found the WMDs and "George was right".

Sorry VD ... put your bottle back in the closet ..... here is the latest ....

-------------------------------------

Senator Rick Santorum's desperate effort to re-energize his failing re-election campaign by touting the discovery of so-called Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq.

Repeat after me, BULL FECAL MATTER!


Leave it to Faux, er ... I mean, Fox News, to spin the malarkey: "We have found weapons of mass destruction .. read his statement HERE... in Iraq, chemical weapons," Senator Rick Santorum, R-Pa., said in a quickly called press conference late Wednesday afternoon.

Reading from a declassified portion of a report by the National Ground Intelligence Center, a Defense Department intelligence unit, Santorum said: "Since 2003, coalition forces have recovered approximately 500 weapons munitions which contain degraded mustard or sarin nerve agent. Despite many efforts to locate and destroy Iraq's pre-Gulf War chemical munitions, filled and unfilled pre-Gulf War chemical munitions are assessed to still exist."

Now for a reality check ... HERE....


Mustard gas and sarin gas are not Weapons of Mass Destruction. They are potential Mass Casualty Weapons, but they do not cause "mass destruction." They can cause mass casualties but, fortunately, are not very reliable weapon systems. How do we know? We have the empirical evidence from the Iraq-Iran war. Most of the casualties in that 8 year war were caused by conventional weapons, not so-called "WMD." To cause mass casualties, mustard or sarin must be delivered via massive artillery bombardment or through air platforms (i.e., airplanes). Then Mother Nature has to cooperate and ensure that the wind is blowing toward the enemy lines. And the soldiers have to stand still and breathe the gas. Of course, soldiers do not always cooperate. Instead of sitting around smelling the fumes, they turn and run and escape the danger (which many did). Chemical weapons are effective systems for disrupting the attack of an invading army. Even the threat of a chemical attack can force troops to don bulky chemical suits, which, when coupled with stifling heat, can rapidly degrade an Army's ability to fight. Chemical weapons are more of a nuisance, a potentially deadly nuisance, but they are not nuclear weapons. A nuke is a genuine mass destruction weapon.

Saddam relied on chemical weapons primarily to deter Iran. He was not Adolf Hitler with a big mustache. He did not set up extermination camps to routinely gas civilian populations. Despite repeated administration efforts to portray the chemical attack on the Kurds at Halabja as a common event, reports from the US intelligence community at the time showed that the Kurds were victims of an exchange of chemical weapons between Iran and Iraq (See "A War Crime or An Act of War?" by Stephen C. Pelletiere, New York Times, January 31, 2003.). Saddam certainly did not weep for the Kurds, but he was not out to exterminate the Kurds as Hitler tried to do with the Jews of Europe. And, when it comes to attacking Kurds, the Iranians and Turks are not exactly known for their humanity.

Degraded weapons buried in the desert were not the bill of goods sold to the American people to justify invading Iraq. We were warned of imminent mushroom clouds and unmanned aerial vehicles spritzing amusement parks with deadly biological agents. Santorum's pathetic attempt to misrepresent the truth about Iraq's weapon systems in order to win political support must be rebuffed in the strongest possible terms.

------------------------------------------------------------------------ /

Larry C. Johnson is CEO and co-founder of BERG Associates, LLC, an international business-consulting firm that helps corporations and governments manage threats posed by terrorism and money laundering. Mr. Johnson, who worked previously with the Central Intelligence Agency and US State Department's Office of Counter Terrorism (as a Deputy Director), is a recognized expert in the fields of terrorism, aviation security, crisis and risk management. Mr. Johnson has analyzed terrorist incidents for a variety of media including the Jim Lehrer News Hour, National Public Radio, ABC's Nightline, NBC's Today Show, the New York Times, CNN, Fox News and the BBC. Mr. Johnson has authored several articles for publications including Security Management Magazine, the New York Times and the Los Angeles Times. He has lectured on terrorism and aviation security around the world.

-- "Now, by the way, any time you hear the United States government talking about wiretap, it requires -- a wiretap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by the way. When we're talking about chasing down terrorists, we're talking about getting a court order before we do so"-George W. Bush, April 20, 2004

Some Really Great News

The Army announced yesterday that it will now accept enlistments of men up to age 42. This is truely a hidden blessing.

Tucker Carlson can run right out and serve his country by putting his ass on the line. So can Rush.

And best of all -- VD(J) can finally put his butt where his mouth is (pardon my redundancy by referring to VD's butt and mouth in the same sentence). By enlisting and showing the troops that he really does support them by carving up some 'taters in the mess hall, digging a few field latrines --- you know, stuff that fits his talent.

So VD, get your fat behind down to the recruiting office and show all us brain-dead liberals who actually put our tusshes on the line, that you are a great an American as us. Er -- don't forget your body armor....

Incidentally I am still working on the series of clips from yesterday ... such a wealth of listening ... will be up later.

A Gift for Billy'sBoyToyRoy

This morning I dropped by the local florist to pick up a gift to send to the local office for Billy'sBoyToyRoy.

I got a dozen roses.

I set them out in the back yard where they will sit until they are dry and brown, and withered up ... kinda' like the BoyToy ...

And then I am going to UPS them to his local office.

What should I send Aunt Norma ... some melted chocolates?

War is a Racket

http://lexrex.com/enlightened/articles/warisaracket.htm

But, He really Doesn't Mean It

It is more fun than following Fat Jack in the nekkid bicycle run to listen to VD(J) try to crawfish his way out of trouble.

The story starts HERE ....

My guess is that a lawyer calls the radio station and has a little chat with either the station management or perhaps the lawyers for the station. Because THIS ITEM was repeated several times this morning.

What next ... an apology to Frazier Glenn Miller? Or maybe Martin Lindstedt?

As an addendum: added at 3 PM.

Some VD fan has started a Yahoo newsgroup. Last time I looked there were three participants. But that didn't stop Scott from getting his nose all dirty and brown with the following post:

Just heard Vince give an apology to the lady at the post office about the passport problem he had the other day. I heard him complain about the service and all, didn't think he was out of line. DId anyone else think he was off base? What caused the apology to come in to play? He was sincere in the apology that he made. He has character for sure!
Scott

Character? Oh, yeah, VD has character alright. Trouble is so did Mao, Pol Pot, and Joseph Goebbels -- from his home state. And even Ted Bundy and Charlie Manson had charisma. In VD's case -- it's miasma, rather than charisma.

Ann'da'Man Coulter

Ann Coulter is the reason God invented Lithium.

Ann Coulter is the reason they invented flogging.

Ann Coulter is the reason they invented noise canceling headphones.

Ann Coulter is the reason they invented bulemia.

Ann Coulter is the reason they invented Adam's Apple Reducing Cream.

Ann Coulter is VD(J)'s reason for wasting our precious oxygen.

Dershowitz v. Keyes

From Pharyngula today:

"... it's Dershowitz, who has supported torture, vs. Keyes, who is simply insane."

"In North America today, according to a recent census, there are 27 million people who are not religious and a million and a half avowed atheists. There is no evidence to suggest they are less moral than those who go to synagogue, mosque, and church everyday. Indeed, it is my contention that a truly moral person, who acts morally--not out of fear of damnation or out of promise of reward, but because it's the right thing--if anything, is more moral."

SGF Bloggers Meet-up

Tonight is the night for a little lunar madness at the Patton Alley Pub about 7. Andy will be there to do his podcast. John will be there to tell Andy the grossest story he could find on the net right in the middle of the meal. That CHATTERismist guy will be there just to create trouble. The Marmot says she will miss it -- but the least she could do is send her parental unit as a replacement so John could drool into his double chocolate.

Everyone is invited -- even VD(J) -- and it is a lot of fun.

You're a Chickenhawk? Get a Radio Show

I will have a clip up a little later ... but note that VD(J) is a chickenhawk. That is he never served in the US military ... and he never served in the Canadian military, and he never served in the Scharn ... oops ... the German Army either. In other words. He played duck and cover when it was his turn to put his fat ass on the line.

But that doesn't mean that he is not a military expert. For instance, he thinks that Walter Cronkite is responsible for our disasteous loss in Vietnam. For what he said after Tet in 1968. This might make more sense if the Vietnamese hadn't lost the war eight years later.

VD can't wait to see the next beheading on the net ... let's face it .. chickenhawks love it when it's other people dying. Just so long as they can run off at the mouth about it.

More to follow on this later today ...

June Teenth

Today, June 19th, is better known in the south as June Teenth.

I was born in Texas but it was not until I was an adult that I ever heard about the holiday. And my family was as racially progressive as anyone could be in the fourties and fifties. It was simply something that was ignored by white folks. Every black in the south, and particularly Texas, knew however.

On the 19th of June 1865, thirty months after Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation, it was read for the first time in Galvaston, Texas. For the first time - belatedly - the blacks in Texas learned they were no longer slaves.

Questions --- so many questions remain.

Oops ...

As I was listening to the old Art Bell show, now with the even weirder George Noory this morning, with a guest psychic:

Norrey: We have a call from Doug trucking down I-70 in Ohio.

Doug talks ...

Psychic: Now Doug, what I would like you do do is close your eyes and enter a meditative state....

Noorey: I don't think that is a good idea, Doug is driving a truck down I-70.

Psychic: Oh, allright. Doug, imagine that you have closed your eyes and entered a meditative state......

A Sad Case of VD -- and the Postal Clerk

A few days ago Shimmy-Shimmy Koko-Pouf VD was whining about trying to get his passport. I can only take a quess as to why; but let's go ahead anyway.

VD goes to the PO with his application, birth certificate, residency papers, and a 25 cent photo from the machine at WalMart. He wants the passport issued in the name of his poufnym VD(J). The clerk says, well OK, let's see your court papers changing your name from Shit'n'crap, like it says here on your birth certificate. VD waves his naturalization papers at her and says that's his legal name, and Shit'n'crap might be some unknown terrorismist from Canada who got registered under a false name.

PO cerk says, Nope. That ain't good enough. Gotta' issue the passport in your birth name, unless you have changed it. VD goes off on a two hour whine about how pissed he is that we actually suspect people coming in from Canada, like Muhammed Ata.

Said PO clerk hears about the rant and calls him this morning: Partial clip can be heard HERE ....

No wonder they have renamed his show Pouf-n-Stuff.

What WILL the NRA Think???

They just might think the the Repugs are no longer thier friends.

After all, with the personal support of Princess George the First, the cops in Baghdad will start to disarm the citizens of Iraq.

Get rid of the goobers with old commie assault rifles. Right on Georgie. You hit a winner here sweetheart.

You're a moran --- I'm a maroon

Check this photo of VD(J) at his "Love America Rally" on Commercial Street ... not bad for a cannuk who has been slammed against the boards too many times.

Listen to VD(J) and his fans this morning... HERE

buDDy's Old Fashioned Podcast

My pal buDDy, who lives in a teepee behind the NPR studios in Santa Fe, New Mexico, has borrowed an extension cord from the station and started to put together a podcast.

buDDy sings. His songs sometimes rhyme, but more often they can be compared to a "stream of consciousness" from a very disturbed mind. buDDy's guest host this week's show is a dog. This is appropriate since buDDy's credo is; "I just wanna' be your friend"

Listen to it HERE ... and while you are at it you might want to visit his friend, Jim Terr's site too. Terr takes care of buDDy -- brings him peanut butter and squashed banana sandwiches after each podcast and some funny looking vegetables that apparently are only found growing in the bed of a rusty '56 Chevy pick-em-up truck parked in the middle of the desert.

Damn, I Missed it this Year ...

While I was all busy on Friday editing VD's (a.k.a. -- Vincent David John Jacob Jingle Himerschmit Shotenkirk Shimmy Shimmy Ko-ko Bop Ramma Lama Ding Dong Do Wah Diddy Diddy Gidyup Ooomp Pompa Oooomp Pompa Mow Mow Hiyo Silver Away Banana Fanna Fo Fanna Azuza Anehime Koo-ka-monga 2 all-beef patties special sauce lettuce cheese pickles onion on a sesame seed bun, Itsy Bittsy Tiny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Jericho Joiner-Kersee Sammy Davis Junior) watch me whine, "I am just a poor victim with a radio show", I missed the significance of the day.

It was World's Naked Bicycle Ride Day. Millions of sun-starved northern Europeans, well tanned Aussies, and Liberty University students slathered some vasoline on their bicycle seats, wore funny hats, made a run to WalMart to buy body paints, and joyfully rode off to the applause of even more millions of ancient voyeurs, (such as this scribbler).

I am looking for the Snarling Marmot on the official website HERE ...

The Marmont claims she is riding her bike, wearing a pair of baby blue high-top Converse sneakers, for exercise. HA .... what she didn't say is that was the totality of her wardrobe.

And then all of a sudden the thought stuck me. None other than old VD Banana Fanna Fo Fanna (J) hisself is claiming to ride his bicycle 12 miles a couple of times a week. I wonder if they have met in the midst of the throng?

Get this picture into your mind.....

VD organizing a nekkid bike run for the city cops old age pension house and hanky-panky fund....

It will be a perfect news story for radio to cover .. or uncover ... or whatever ...

I don't even want to think about that Rhetorica-guy ....

Betty Bowers Reviews Coulter's New Book

Betty Bowers, the world's best Christian, has a fine review of Ann Coulter's (R-Where'smyuterus?) new book.

See it HERE .....

The biggest butt....

A certain radio loudmouth was a butt ... sorry ... the butt of a joke yesterday. He richly deserves to be the butt of the joke because he is a butt himself. And, like Rush, has a butt as big as Missouri.

The question is: Old Shatte'n'crap is trying to defend why the military lies to the American people. The easy answer is - because they can - and get by with it. The other reason is that is give some relief from the unrelenting bad news from Operation Fuckin' Disaster, gives King George something to brag and swagger for a day or two, and after killing him three times previously, finally gets rid of a bad actor.

Listen to the clip HERE .... but be sure to listen to all of it and get ready to spew your martini through your nose.

VD(J) doesnt like boggers --like him

Go listen to it HERE ..

As reported by CHATTER......

Houston: We got a problem here..

I got a problem here too. It's the photos of the face of al-Zarqawi .

Remarkable how unmarked it is .... remarkable since he supposedly just had a half ton of high explosive dropped on it.

I can tell you for certain that people who are in a two story mud brick farmhouse who get the experience of two 500 lb frags laid in their pocket do not come out of it looking like this.

Something is fishey here. He looks like he has been in something like a fistfight, beaten up ... but the story? Uh, unh ... not gonna' buy it ... not on this evidence.

NOTE AT 6:01 AM: There is some new information on this. Reuters reported 24 hours before that Iraquis had either killed or captured him in a helicopter raid. I will have a clip from Mike Malloy up as soon as I can edit it where he saved the Reuters story, wich has been deleted from their site, and reads it.

But first I have to record VD(J) to see who he is threatening to kill or assult today.

Al Franken's got it Right

If Congress wants to pass a Constitutional Admendment banning burning of the flag. They should go all the way and include the prohibition of exotic dancers picking up US currency with anything other than their hands.

Thousands of children are dying from asthma created by burning flags.

It Happened at Cartoons

A fundamentalist, a fascist, and a liar walked into the bar.

The bartender said; "What can I gettcha' Mr. President?"

al-Zarqawi Dead ????

It is being reported that they killed him in an air strike, We have heard this story before so lets wait and see. No one has seen his body yet. If so, good riddance to a bad actor.

It is interesting that our vaunted forces didn't do much more than drop a bomb. He was fingered by nosy neighbors. Assama doesn't have any nosy neighbors, so we are helpless.

This is later: And the radio loudmouths like VD(J) are having an orgasism all over their microphones. Even Eneman won't clean up the studio after this. They think it is going to rescue their scuzzy asses from disgrace and defeat. Wrongo turd-blossoms. The die is cast. We created the bastard, it's only right that we should kill the bastard.

Oh, HAHAHAHAHAH !!!!!!

Granny Geek had it up first ... but this is just too good not to steal.

Watch the Smirk talking about the inalienators ... and pay attention to the background.

Watch HERE

Very Odd Reporting

In the race in California to replace convicted criminal congressman Da'Dukester Cunningham (who is now telling flyboy stories to the guys in the shower in federal prison), the California Secretary of State reports that the democratic candidate won by a significant margin.

And yet, talk radio this morning, along with Faux News and even CNN are reporting that the Republican won.

What the hell is going on???

Ann Coulter Gets Free French Fries for Life

Be sure to read Ann'da'Man's latest butt wipe book entitled Godless: The Church of Liberalism.

In it you will read this about biologists: "Darwinism never disappoints the liberals. They never say, ' Well, I'd like to have cheap meaningless sex tonight, but that would violate Darwinism.' They can't even say I'd like to have cheap meaningless sex tonight with a goat, but that would violate Darwinism.'"

I think Andrew, a.k.a. Ann, should have sex with a goat. But the goats would be highly offended at the suggestion.

What's Important This Week?

Iraq?

Death and destruction?

Medical care?

Energy?

Voting and civil rights?

New Orleans?

Naw -- none of that stuff means jack-shit this week. What's important is whether two fags can get married in the Metropolitan Community Church. What will Paul Summers say? Who will care?

Speaking of which -- how nice to have a constitutional admendment to prohibit ministers in the Metropolitan Community Church from marrying two of his parishners. They are a Xtain religion after all. Will it apply to all xtians?

I have a suggestion for a constitutional admendment. Require Baptists to follow their lawd and king George ... oops ... Jesus and do what he did, namely, serve wine at communion. But I forget that today's Baptists wouldn't recognise what Jesus did if PityPat Roberstson left them a note under their pillow.

They are interested in a "stable family life" according to the biggest loser this year, Rick (R-gimme'awedgeissue - or at least a wedgie). "A stable family"? Oh, yeah, ones like Newt Gingrich has had three times or Billy'sBoyToyRoy has had twice.

They can kiss my uvula. (Better look it up before you send me a nasty note!)

The Answer to the Universe's Missing Mass

Now why didn't I think of this?

The clip is from Coast to Coast AM with George Noory, for Art Bell who has run off with a 20-something cutie and can't be located.

If the admonition is to "light a candle in the darkness". Steve Allen once gave Bell the "Snuffed Candle" award...

I bet you didn't know that the resurection of Jesus can be explained by quantum mechanics either. (I'll put that clip up a little later)

Dumb you

Listen to the missing mass question HERE.

The Critic Gets a Nice Plug

From Orac.

See it HERE:

Eneman is apparently tough as Wooten is weak, because he takes umbridge, nay, verbiage at your humble critic.

Eneman can't be French.

He's fighting back.

A quote from Eneman: "And, in any case, I wouldn't want to bother with idiots like this Wooten that the Critic refers to. I do have standards, you know, and I'm a medical professional, not a janitor. Besides, it sounds as though this Wooten guy dumps plenty of fecal matter all over the airwaves without needing any help from me to loosen him up! If anything, it sounds as though he needs something to stop him up!"

Arkansas Football

Talent Hosts Blunt Rally

Radio Loudmouth Issues Death Threat

A death threat? ... or maybe just a threat of assult and battery?

Vince Shattenkirk (in German that's pronounced, shit-n-crap) who is ashamed of his family name and now goes by Vincent David Jericho VD(J), closely related to both a social disease and a horrible brain death, shot off his mouth this morning and issued this death threat.

Well, I have friends at the police department, and the Department of Homeland Security (Granny intro'd me) and I have contacted them to make a full report. Of course, I will never mention it again, but what the hell....

And then he had an active duty soldier call him. VD(J) loves the troops. Honors them in every way he can. Flys his Canadian and German flags proudly right alongside the Stars and Bars...

But like every group that are different than he is (in this case serving his country in a meaningful way) he doesn't like him very much. Listen to it HERE.

Smirk Losing Only Constituency

Da'Georgie, who has lost all the people in the nation except his core constituency of Total Fuckin' Morons, like the Pigman, Chuckles, VD(J), or Billy'sBoyToyRoy, is now losing ground with the TFMs.

A new Gallup poll shows that, for the first time, Bush's approval rating has fallen below 50% among TFMs, and now stands at 44%. This represents a dramatic drop compared to a poll taken just last December, when 62% of TFMs expressed support for the president and his policies.

The current poll, conducted by phone with 1,409 TFMs betweenMay 4 and May 8, reveals that only 44% of those polled believe the president is doing a good job, while 27% believe he is doing a poor job and 29% don't understand the question.

The December poll, conducted by phone with 1,530 TFMs, showed 62% approved of the president, 7% disapproved and 31% didn't understand the question.

Faltering approval ratings for the president among a group once thought tobe a reliable source of loyal support gives Republicans one more reason to be nervous about the upcoming mid-term elections. "If we can't depend on the support of TFMs," says Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), "then we've got a big problem. They're a key factor in our electoral strategy, and an important part of today's Republican coalition."

"We've taken the TFM vote for granted," says Rep. Tom Feeney(R-FL), "and now we're paying for it. We've let the Democrats control the debate lately, and they've dragged discourse back into the realm of complex, nuanced issues. So your average TFM turns on his TV and sees his Republican Congressman arguing about Constitutional law or the complexities of state formation in the Middle East, and he tunes out. He wants to hear comforting, pandering, flattering bromides and he doesn't want to hear a logical argument more complex than what you'd find on a bumpersticker."

For Feeney, the poll is a dire warning that Republicans can ignore only at their peril. "This should send a signal that we have to regain control of the debate if we want the support of our key constituencies in the coming election and beyond. We need to bring public discourse back into the realm of stupidity and vacuity. We should be talking about homosexual illegal immigrants burning flags. We should be talking about the power of pride. We should be talking about freedom fries. These are the issues that resonate with TFMs."

But some TFMs say it's too late. Bill Snarpel of Enid, Oklahoma is a TFM who voted for Bush in both 2000 and 2004. But he says he won't be voting for Bush in 2008. "I don't like it that he was going to sell our ports to the Arabs. If the Arabs own the ports then that means they'll let all the Arabs in and then we'll all be riding camels and wearing towels on our heads. I don't want my children singing the Star Spangled Banner in Muslim."

TFM Kurt Meyer of Turlock, California also says his once solid support for Bush has collapsed. "He invaded Iraq and all those soldiers died, and for what? We destroyed all their WMDs, but now their new president is making fun of us and saying he's going to build nuclear bombs and that we can't stop him. Well, nuclear bombs are even worse than WMDs, so what did we accomplish?"

Laura McDonald, a TFM from Chandler, Arizona, says she is disappointed that the president hasn't been a more forceful advocate of Christian values. "This country was founded on Christian values," she says,"but you'd never know it looking around and seeing all the Mexicans runningaround. I thought Bush was going to bring Jesus back into the government. Instead, Christians are being persecuted worse than ever before in history, because all these Mexicans come here and tell Christians that we have to respect their religious beliefs. So now it's illegal for children to pray in school. Soon it will be illegal for them to speak English."

Not all TFMs have turned their backs on the president. Jeb Larkin of Topeka, Kansas says he still fully supports Bush. "He is doing a great job. He is a great president. He is a great decider. I have a puppy. His tail sticks straight up and you can see his butthole."

And not all Republican lawmakers are concerned about the poll. Sen. Lamar
Alexander (R-TN), for one, does not find it a cause for anxiety. While he
agrees that his party should not take total fucking morons for granted, they"really don't have anywhere else to go. They're never going to be able to understand someone like Al Gore or John Kerry or anybody intelligent and articulate who wants to talk about substantive issues. Just try having a conversation with one of them about global warming. They'll say, 'Oh, but Rush says volcanoes consume more ozone than humans do.' I mean, they'remorons! TFMs!"

"They've got nowhere else to go," Alexander reaffirms with a smile, "and they always vote."

(Someone needs to get credit for this one because I am sad to say it is not mine.)

A Very Disturbing Report

My pal, Granny Geek, reports that her blog has been monitored by the Department of "Justice" and "Homeland Security".

Granny is about as much danger to America as my fat housecat.

But she is (a) a lib'rul, (stinkin'lib'rul to boot); and has (b) considerable influence in how the local chapter of the Americans for Civil Liberties is handled. Simply speaking out for protection of rights under our Bill of Rights is considered by the DOJ and the DHS as evidence of a tie to Al Kaida, Assama, and Billy'sBoyToyRoy.

I went back and checked the logs for this blog ... I didn't find any hits from DOJ or DHS ... but I bet they are there.

This is a John Poindexter dream come true. Monitor everybody all the time and build a big file to be used in the future.

Be warned ... if you come after me, I have a gun and I know how to use it against the enemies to this Constitution. I took an oath to defend it many years ago.