The Vile State of Local Radio

I kinda' like local radio salesman Billy Long. I understand that half the time he doesn't have any idea of what he is talking about. And his only real interest in life is to sell me something. But that doesn't bother me since I can always laugh at him, note I said AT HIM, not WITH HIM.

But he has a bad habit of collecting talking points from KKKarl Rove every morning and then mindlessly repeating them, as he did this morning. By slimeing the funeral of Coretta Scott King. He didn't like it -- said it was too political -- I choked on my oatmeal. That's the same way they threw slime all over Paul Wellstone after practically his entire family was wiped out. And by the way, Billy, who the hell asked for your opinion on this woman's funeral anyway. Who in the world gives a flying fuck at a rolling donut hole what the hell you think about it? When you are dead and gone ... no one will care. Her name will be remembered for hundreds of years.

When you think about it what is the difference between Billy slimeing the funeral of Coretta Scott King, who he didn't know, and the Rev. Fred Phelps, of the Westboro Baptist Church slimeing the funerals of soldiers that he didn't know either?

Billy Long is a vile racist ... but he would deny it ... which only shows how badly out of touch he really is ... perhaps if he had black neighbors, or lived in New Orleans, or was poor, or had the man on his back all day, he would be a little more gracious to those who are less fortunate than he is. But I doubt it. Coming from an area that ran the blacks out years ago.

So I dedicate this song, sung by the Pigman on Billy's radio station, hisself as an inspiration to Billy Long.

But I don't expect him to get the message.

The Idiot Auctioneer, Billy Long

Billy Long, a local used car salesman, and peddler of anything and everything, and a good Repug, said something that makes my IQ of 64 look like Einstein.

Billy (R-nottoobright) said that AG minister Doug Wead was just a shithead for taping George the Lesser.

Doug Wead is a shithead, noone denys it. Hell, he was a big winner in the pyramid scheme of AMWAY ... but was he a shithead for taping the smirk? No way.

Didn't hear Billy fussing much about Linda (R-I'mapig) Tripp taping her friend Monica Lewenski, did I fat boy?

Bully Long, using the Meyer Sewer radio station, KWTO, to sell heaters for your house that use no more electricity than your coffeepot, is just another slime salesman, trying to sell me on another idea that is not true, I don't want, and nobody needs.

A fun message from my pal Ron Davis

If you don't read Ron Davis's blog .. you should. Find it here.

In an exchange of email here is the fun... Ron's words in Green ..

back to both you boys:

Today in his blog, Stone describes host Billy Long as "a whore for any
freep idea that comes down the line on his radio program on radio
KWTO."

Man, Stoner, don't hold back. Tell us how you really feel.
+++++++++++++++++++

I am a very laid-back guy I will have you know … I never let my emotions take hold of my good, and therefore, always correct, intellectual abilities.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Stone's complaint is that Long -- a genuinely decent man,\
+++++++++++++++++

Sez who???
++++++++++++++++++++++++



by all
accounts -- allowed someone to babble on about how wrong it is to have
"international observers" at November's U.S. elections. Here, Stone is
right: only a fool would say the 2004 presidential election shouldn't
receive extra scrutiny, after the 2000 debacle.

But c'mon, John -- Billy as a whore?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Naw … I guess I overstated that …. Billy is too tall to bend over for me … and I am 6’1” ….

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Leaving aside the mental image of Long shucking his clothes and
spreading 'em for money (brrrrr),


++++++++++++++++++++

Right you are .. that is a cold thought .. as horrible as Bohannon’s puns are … that thought is even worse …. I may have a desperate sex life … but even Billy is not a part of it….. Bohannon??? Well I’ll have to think about that for awhile. He’s richer than Billy. Could I be a trophy guy???


, John Stone knows that it's show-biz
at KWTO. Smarmy show-biz, to be sure, but still there for alleged
entertainment. Anyone who listens to talk radio to become better
informed is beyond all hope; it's blather, signifying nothing. Take it
from someone who knows.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

We still are lobbying to get you on Air America … which is growing like crazy …

And ... I am not kidding about that .... I knew Franken when he was doing stand-ups at the Hitchin' Post.

John

Billy Long reads Rove memo on air - embarrassed again

Billy Long got up early this morning to memorize the latest "talking points" memo for right-wing radio. Unfortunately, he actually believed it, since he didn't bother doing any checking of his own. Like HERE.

He said that 2000 empty schoolbusses could have been used to evacuate the resistees to evacuation in New Orleans.

I hope Billy runs his auctions with more honesty than Rove writes his memos.

Because New Orleans dosen't have 2000 schoolbusses. The had on August 29th 365 busses, of which 70 were down for maintenance. In addition the RTA (Regional Transit Authority) were running every bus they had, over 500 of them and every single person who wanted to be evacuated -- was.

But it is a lot easier to blame the screw-ups of your cronies by blaming a mayor - black of course, than it is to blame it on your own failed administration.

Incidentally, every terrorist in the world has looked at how totally ineffective our government has been, and wondering how they can exploit the corruption, sickness, and stupidity of the Bush administration.

More freeper whining

I have a good friend.Billy Long, a local businessman, who is willing to put his livlihood on the line to be a whore for any freep idea that comes down the line on his radio program on radio KWTO.

This morning he had some guy who objected to international observations of elections in America .. read that as Florida and Ohio ... because everything went so well the last time around.

Well, no, actually Billy, they didn't go so well the last time around.

In fact, when a recount of the whole state was made, rather than the recounts of a few selected counties, Al Gore won the state. Deny it as you wish, that is a fact.

And then came the supreme court fiasco.

So, George Bush is an illegitimate President .. .no matter how you try to spin it .. he was not elected. He was appointed.

So, should international observers be present. Damn right they should. To keep elections from being stolen now and in the future.

Billy Long gives voice to the crazies from the Repugs who want to steal elections.

Shame on him

And shame on his party.

Peddling a dog

Billy Long, a local salesman, has what we laughingly call a radio show every morning during drive time. I say laughingly, because it is unbelievable how he can squeeze no fewer than eight small small spots (of about a minute), an "interview" with a sponsor, and a few other goodies like a Pigman update and some news that's not news into a 30 minute segment. Good thing he is an auctioneer and talks at warp 7.

For instance he does "remote shows" from a local hardware store. Which he manages to teach a good lesson. Never believe anything anyone tells you when they are trying to sell something!!!

He started out selling electric space heaters. 1500 watt space heaters to be exact. Said they use no more electricity than your coffeepot. Man, I like java, but 1500 watts will heat my swimming pool.

Now he flogs a Ozone Air Cleaner made by the same company. .. even said he bought one for his elderly mother. Cured all her ails too.... a miracle. My advice was to disconnect the ozone generator and leave her with a fan that she can hear and think that something good is happening, because ozone is a dangerous air pollutant-- not cleaner.

Well, Billy might be wanting some big inheritance, because he didn't listen to me. Apparently he hasn't read the latest issue of Consumer Reports either, because they say these things increase home pollution at the expense of the exposed persons. Read the EPA's evaluation here.

Granted radio station owners have no sense of shame about how they make money. But we can hold Billy personally responsible for what HE does, can't we? It's the old crazy right-wing idea of taking personal responsibility.

The Top Ten Worst in Springfield

The 10 worst in Springfield

10. Hammons Field. After running people out of their homes using eminent domain, the city sells the land to John Q. Hammons, who has never seen a public treasury that he didn't covet. What do you get? $7 Parking, $5 beer (no selection, Bud products only -- if you want a good beer go to the Brewing Company), and small $3 bags of some stale peanuts - inedible. Another reason why professional sports suck.

9. All movie theaters -- except for the Moxie. Outrageous ticket prices. Movies made for idiots or fundies in Springfield, stupid prices for popcorn, and armed guards at the door to prevent a Snickers bar from sneaking in. Need I say more?

8. KWTO AM -- Must have some redeming qualities because business still buys ads on it, but it's not the ratings. The lamest programming this side of the new Brittany Spears TV show. Billy Long fitting in 18 commercials in a 30 minute period and Bonnie Bell doing some sort of Valley Girl talk imitation. So incessantly in-your-face right wing that Bill O'Reilly got an amplifier for his butt plug to drown out the noise.

7. The Springfield News-Leader. New motto, "No news is good news"

6. Steak and Ale. The perennial winner of the Springfield Magazine "Best Resturant". Merely proves that people in this berg have (a) no taste, or (b) don't shop for their menu ingredients at Sam's Club.

5. Harlows. A warm and inviting combination of surly and rude waitresses and hillbilly fare cooked badly.

4. Any joint that calls itself a "Gentlemen's Club". I might rate them higher if for no other reason that they piss off all the fundies around town. But I am not into tattoos, police-designed costumes, or the incessent begging for money for the jukebox. One crazed fundie used to picket a place called "The Crazy Horse" (with far less class than the one in Paris), until someone tipped him off that it was owned by a Hells Angels-like biker club. Since he had had his Thorazine that day decided not to bother their business any more ....

3. Walmart. All the color, noise and ambiance of a NASCAR grandstand with the added benefit of seeing every overweight goober in the Ozarks yelling at the kids. Wonderful shopping experience, if you enjoy Texas Chain Saw Massacre movies.

2. hOOters. Has got exactly two things going for it. Eye candy -- not too filling but not very satisfying either. And it's located close to the Nature Center where you can cleanse your soul with a long hike.

AND the WINNER IS:

1. Any bar on Commercial street where Vietnam Vets or wanna' be's hang out. If you are into weepy old drunks who lie a lot -- just the places for you.

DISHONORABLE MENTION:

The Ozark Empire Fair.

Deep fried Twinkies.


One water fountain in 95 degree weather

Why Arn't They in Jail?

As first reported on this blog, July 28, 2005, a horror story is going to hit America right between the eyes. And all the spinning by George Bush, Dick-Dick Cheney, the Rhummy, and all the spinning by the crazed right-wing fundies who call Billy Long's radio advertising show, is not going to make the slightest bit of difference after you see the videotapes and photos.

Back in October, a Federal Judge ordered the release of vids and photos that showed American troops committing atrocities equal to those of the SS in 1939, or the Japanese in the city of Nanking. Rape of children in front of of the parents in order to obtain information; summary executions; vile and disgusting stuff. Committed by Americans in uniform.

Naturally, this is something that Bush, et. al, doesn't want you - or anyone else to see. So they appealed the ruling of the Court, if for no other reason than to delay the inevitible.

Now the jig is up. The game is over. And most bizzare of all is the reason they have given to the Appeals Court, is not to block the publication of the material, but instead to give the Administration more time to conceal the identities of the Americans involved.

Let's get this straight. The Bush administration wants to protect the identities of people who have committed crimes for which we ourselves accused Germans and Japanese of doing and hung them by their necks until they were dead.

And what is even worse in their so-called "defense" strategy. These people, who they admit, can be identified from the vids and photos are still out there.They are not accused of any crime against humanity, perhaps still representing you and me in the military of the US. And going scott-free for their crimes.

And the authority for commiting those crimes is now the Attorney General of the US, who is charged with preventing and prosecuting crime.

The time for impeachment, and perhaps trials in the Haigue, is long past.

The 10 worst in Springfield

10. Hammons Field. After running people out of their homes using eminent domain, the city sells the land to John Q. Hammons, who has never seen a public treasury that he didn't covet. What do you get? $7 Parking, $5 beer (no selection, Bud products only -- if you want a good beer go to the Brewing Company), and small $3 bags of some stale peanuts - inedible. Another reason why professional sports suck.

9. All movie theaters -- except for the future Moxie. Outrageous ticket prices. Movies made for idiots or fundies in Springfield, stupid prices for popcorn, and armed guards at the door to prevent a Snickers bar from sneaking in. Need I say more?

8. KWTO AM -- Must have some redeming qualities because business still buys ads on it, but it's not the ratings. The lamest programming this side of the new Brittany Spears TV show. Billy Long fitting in 18 commercials in a 30 minute period and Bonnie Bell doing some sort of Valley Girl talk imitation. So incessantly in-your-face right wing that Bill O'Reilly got an amplifier for his butt plug to drown out the noise.

7. The Springfield News-Leader. New motto, "No news is good news"

6. Steak and Ale. The perennial winner of the Springfield Magazine "Best Resturant". Merely proves that people in this berg have (a) no taste, or (b) don't shop for their menu ingredients at Sam's Club.

5. Harlows. A warm and inviting combination of surly and rude waitresses and hillbilly fare cooked badly.

4. Any joint that calls itself a "Gentlemen's Club". I might rate them higher if for no other reason that they piss off all the fundies around town. But I am not into tattoos, police-designed costumes, or the incessent begging for money for the jukebox. One crazed fundie used to picket a place called "The Crazy Horse" (with far less class than the one in Paris), until someone tipped him off that it was owned by a Hells Angels-like biker club. Since he had had his Thorazine that day decided not to bother their business any more ....

3. Walmart. All the color, noise and ambiance of a NASCAR grandstand with the added benefit of seeing every overweight goober in the Ozarks yelling at the kids. Wonderful shopping experience, if you enjoy Texas Chain Saw Massacre movies.

2. hOOters. Has got exactly two things going for it. Eye candy -- not too filling but not very satisfying either. And it's located close to the Nature Center where you can cleanse your soul with a long hike.

AND the WINNER IS:

1. Any bar on Commercial street where Vietnam Vets or wanna' be's hang out. If you are into weepy old drunks who lie a lot -- just the places for you.



DISHONORABLE MENTION:

The Ozark Empire Fair.

Deep fried Twinkies.

One water fountain in 95 degree weather.

VD(j) Has a Good Idea

First listen to the loudmouth of SGF HERE ....

This morning he ranted about a subject that is fairly near and dear to my heart. Selling your own organs for some easy money. So I offer the following that I have been thinking about for awhile. (I am going to get serious about this subject at the end.) But I could use the dough.

This offer is only open to people who will benefit from the purchase:
(1) Males only, under 21 years old, unmarried, if you are married - forget it, why bother.
(2) Rich
(3) Good looking
(4) Non college student -- there are some parts of this blog that would be unbelievable.

I am willing to sell my penis. Hell, I don't use the damn thing anymore anyway. No body's even interested in it. Even the hOOters girls are more interested in tips.

But I want it to go to the right person; someone who can enjoy it as much as I have, someone who will appreciate it's health to replace the non-working one they have, someone who will remember me fondly when it is in use. (At my age I have to sit down anyway.)

Billy Long tells me I have to have an opening bid ... $250K sounds about right to me.

On a serious note ... rich Europeans are buying kidneys (mostly) from poor men they find in the slums of Rio. They are taken to Europe where the surgery is performed, are paid about $1000 US, and as soon as possible flown back to Brazil where they are dumped. No after-care... no nothing. It is becoming a big problem for the Brazilian healthcare system.

This is what the Libs would call the "free market", except for the fact that all the problems are thrown onto the desperate who sell the body parts and the rest of society who doesn't like to see people die in the gutter.

VD(j) and the Neverending Search for Publicity

I won't tell which fellow booger set me on to this story -- other than until he told me this, I actually thought he was a normal guy.

It seems as though VD(j) will do anything to see the name Schattenkirk spread around the world, just like a case of avian flu. Radio DJs are not known for having the best taste or manners but I think he has gone too far with this one, especially during sweeps week.

Stern has strippers live on his radio show ... well ... stripping. (I must admit, I have never really gotten the point of this). Billy Long has people who pay him $10 for a thirty second spot on some live interviews. Jerry Springer has Paris Hilton/Lindsey Lohan/Brit/Fed Ex wanna'-be's on all the time.

So VD(j) is planning a special show for Jan 3rd.

He is going to have his butt bleached live on his show. He will have a local woman, who is into alternative medicine/health/yoga and thongs come live to the studio and bleach his butt.

Think I'm kidding? Here is a quote from THIS SITE ....

I first heard of this phenomenon from a close friend. She asked me if I bleached my butt. I looked at her in horror and said, "No. Why do you ask?" "Well I heard people did, just wondering if you did." said she. "Who would do such a thing?" Asked I. "Australians and Porn Stars." said she. "Oh." I said.

Actually, I think she will bleach the wrong asshole. It should be everyone's else's butt that VD(j) calls his very good friends. That way, VD won't have to have his nose bleached also.

Al Franken in the Senate

And he is going to replace that empty suit, Norm Coleman.

Is it going to happen.... ??? Yes ....

Franken has done his homework in Minnesota. He campaigned tirelessly for local candidates this fall, has made national appearances, and of course has his very popular and intelligent radio program on Air America.

He will win ... and will probably quit Air America around the first of the year because he will announce his run.

Stwart Smally in the Senate.

I love it.

It will drive Billy Long nuts....

Gross-Out Time

Since I worked in a hospital lab as a youth, very little can gross me out. At least not just from the description -- but these two cases come close. Read about them in today's Respectful Insolence.

The first inviolves a woman "caching" a pistol into the jail, survivng even a thorough pat-down by the matron.

Use your imagination.

The second involves some weed eater line and a guy with WAY too much time in his hands .... it's a little further down Orac's blog.

The pathologists at the hospital where I worked kept quite a collection of foreign objects recovered from ... er ... ahem ... various parts of the body. My favorite was an intact 100 watt light bulb - GE as I recall -a testament to a surgeon's skill if there ever was one.

I might suggest to Billy Long that now I have a way for him to "light up his life", so to speak.

How's this one for a post, CHATTERismisterist-guy? Think Anon will object?

Boiling the Frog

I listened to Alberto Gonzales, a.k.a. Torquemodo, yesterday. It was absolutely awesome that this government has become such a parody of freedom and liberty where he can say with a straight face that The President of the United States doesn't have to follow the Law if he doesn't want to do it.

We are all in danger.

Now I hear from those who blindly support this disaster that THEY don't mind if THEY get wiretapped, or their house gets searched, or if they personally are tracked, because they "arn't doing anything wrong" -- it's always the other guy. (Better not try to take away their guns, tho.)

I have even heard it from people who arn't your typical goober-Bush-voter that spends his days polishing that old tooth.

They got a problem in facts and logic. The problem is: THEY are not the ones who decide it THEY are doing something wrong. It may be some bureaucrat lawyer or prosecutor who is on the make for a reputation. It may be the next President, Hillary Clinton. It may be Billy Long who covets your real estate.

It will be you, who will have to prove that THEY are all wrong about YOU.

Doin' the Lynndie

Lynndie ... doin' the Lynndie ... and having more fun than skinnin' a hog in back of the double-wide.

How do you do the Lynndie? Need instructions on the proper pose? Brand of cigarette? How to shift your weight to your back foot without falling on your face? Maybe how to do 10 years in the shuffle line to get breakfast at Leavenworth?

Doin' the Lynndie is becomming more popular, thanks to this cute picture, that makes grits look edible. Muslim men seem offended, but what the hey? Those terrorismists will get over it in a couple of generations -- and not try to blow up the statue of John Q. staring vacently at the US Courthouse. Try going HERE.

Even some world figures are getting in on the fun. Go here to see the Toy-Prez getting Lynndied by a world figure who obviously doesn't hold him in the same high respect that Les from Blue Eye does.

Send me your candids of locals getting Lynndied. I might suggest a couple of names that would be prize winners: Billy Long, Tom Carlson, any real estate developer (but I become redundant), Doc Yak, pastor of the Everlasting Holy Church of the Jesus Cult and Flying Spaghetti Monster, Matt Blunt, any football coach, the editorial board of the News and Loser, whoever it is that puts those stupid disclaimers at the start of every PBS TV show, Jim Bohannon, Wayne Newton, Aunt Norma Champion, Vincent David Jerico (aka Vince Shottenkirk), Ruth from Shell Knob, any landlord, a greeter from Walmart, any girl named Bambi or guy named Rick, Carol Jones, Phyliss Shafley or Satan (take your pick on those two).

And for a change how about a nekkid girl givin' the Lynndie to a guy in cammies?

How Will Billy Long Spin This Gem?

Right-wing talk radio is making a big deal out of Bushy declaring a state of emergency for Louisiana on Saturday before Ugly Kate.

OK ...

The fact is, that the state of emergency was declared only for the Parishes in northern Louisiana -- which oddly enough vote Repugly.

There was no Parish in southeastern Louisiana included.

No Orleans, no Jefferson, no St. Bernard, no St. Tammany, no Plaquemines.

Those Parishes vote demo most of the time.

More lies and distortions from the evil brain of KKKarl Rove.

How stupid can hillbillys be???

As Paul Henning, creator of the "Bevery Hillbillys" discovered -- pretty damn stupid.

This morning on local talk radio KWTO, which I prefer to call Keep Watching Turds [in the] Ozarks, the incompetent Bonnie Bell, and the extraordinarly rude Billy Long took a call from Marsha in Kansas.

Marsha, the uninformed, supplies us with the information that the US is the most generous giver to the stricken areas of Asia.

Buzzzzzzzt --- Marsha --- go have another piece of cake.

Somewhere out there, is a clue -- waiting for Marsha to find it.

The United States is fourth. Behind Germany, Japan, and Australia.

But we did send them Colin Powell, who hangs to the left in a very large way ... to judge from the interview yesterday.

Why don't they get down on their knees and thank us?

The Bugman -Giving another Gift

Tom DeLay (R-104536 Leavenworth), the Majority Leader Bugman, needs something else to take away attention from his problems.

He found it in a dead woman.

First, he passes a budget for the US that is the most cruel budget in history ... cutting things like education, health care for the poor, food stamps, cops, firemen ... the list goes on. All at the same time giving a $130 billion dollar windfall to the rich, and making sure that corporations don't have to pay taxes at all - if they don't want to. (My guess is, they won't want to.) But he needed some cover for this rape of America. So, Thursday, we had the juiced-up baseball players who made fools of themselves by declaring that they were still heros to kids who want to play sports. And Friday ... oh, man ... what we got on Friday just buggers the imagination.

Bugman, along with his houseboy Roy Blunt of Missouri, (R-Billy'sBoyToyRoy), managed to almost suponea a dead woman to something in Congress -- I am not sure what.

Make no mistake. Terry Shiavo is dead -- DEAD -- has been for a long time now. Get over it.

She is no more alive than the cell culture in the incubator. Get over it again.

It reminds me of the insane, religious, seriously-whacked-out nutballs, and inbreds who surrounded the case of Nancy Cruzan. In one memorable tape, a crazy man approached her father, Joe Cruzan, a truly decent and caring man, on the steps of the hospital and held out a paper cup and tearfully begged him to give Nancy a drink of water. It was the most disgusting display of inhumanity I have ever seen. They hounded poor old Joe until he finally committed suicide a few years later. Joe is in heaven. His tormenters on earth will spend the rest of their time slowly roasting and having the demons of Hell give them in abundance exactly what they gave to Joe.

I can wish no less for the Bugman and Billy'sBoyToyRoy.

Oh -- did I mention that on one bitterly cold winter day, Joe Cruzan brought hot coffee to all those less-than-human cretins, who were making his life, and the life of the rest of the members of the family, hell on earth. What better comparison could you have. What better example of a man who acted like Jesus would act to those whose nailed him to the cross?

Republicans into child porn

See the list HERE ... (long - takes time to load)

I haven't heard yet whether the "preacher" in McDonald County is a repug yet, but does anyone want to bet? ... I give odds.

Fine examples of our elected masters who tell us all the time that people like them, and people like VD(J) are our moral teachers.

Sharing cells with Da'Dukster Cunningham, Bob Ney, Jack Abramoff, the Hammer, Katherine Harris, and maybe even Billy'sBoyToyRoy seems about right to me.

I don't know what advice to give to VD(J). Should he call his pediatrician? Or exorcist?

Missouri Inaugerations

Our now highly unpopular Governor , Matt Blunt (R-Knuckledrag), also known as Boy Runt in honor of his father, Roy Blunt (R-Billy'sBoyToyRoy), started his ill fated term on a good note.

Long noted for his devotion to nature and living creatures, he found, even in January, a baby eagle which had fallen out of the nest, and decided to take it under his warm-hearted wing. Understandably, our national emblem made a great hit in Jefferson City, and is suspected of making the decision for Runt to institute a "dress code" for State employees.

It is unclear if the cute little thing has molted yet, but downey white feathers don't make eagles soar, do they?